To being honest...cheers or something
Ok honesty. Well honest thing #1 I seem to have lost my libido. I'm usually a pretty sexually ravenous person but I realized last night (after realizing I didn't want to have sex) that I haven't wanted/needed sex in more than a month.
That is entirely not normal for me. Even when I was wacked out on 100 calories a day, speed, coffee and no sleep I still had sex or masturbated at least daily.
It's not hormonal. My periods and whatnot have actually been normal which is odd but stabilizing as I get older. The libido has flown out of plain disgust.
I am ( ) that close to ordering some pills. I found a site that gives a list of what to buy to make an ephedra stack. I miss stacks. Actually at this point since I haven't taken any ephedra in three/four years now I probably wouldn't even need a stack.
I make myself sick. That is truly fucking pathetic. Such an addict.
I've been having to force myself to eat. I've purged a few times recently. Not on purpose but I couldn't help it. My stomach gets upset even thinking about food.
With bud gone AWOL I don't know what to do. None of the others are very attached physically to the body. And if you know me you know how I feel about the stupid thing.
I can fully admit that going down this particular primrose path is a very bad idea. I would be breaking promises to very important people and I hate to do that but JESUS. What am I supposed to do?
Enough.
I feel like such a fucking jackass talking about that shit. Even here where hardly anybody is going to see it. I know the truth about myself and frankly it makes me sick.