(no subject)
She got up to go to the restroom. There was a pause, and then it began. The talking and the giggling, the behind the back whispering, the plans for exclusion. I didn't want to sound rude, but I didn't want to join in either. It was like seeing my own life from the other side. My worst suspisions played out on someone else. I can see her feelings like the words on a page. The lonliness and self doubt drives her to distraction. She bites her nails, she misses half of every conversation because of worrisome thoughts, and then feels like the left out tag - along when she realizes she has no clue what is going on. What can I do? I implore myself to make it better, to make the hurt go away, to somehow fill her emptiness for her. But I don't know how to help her any more than I know how to help myself. That endless bottomless pit has to be stopped up from the inside. And no one can do it but her. So I sit in silence and listen to her suspisions coming true, to my suspisions coming true, and I pray she will find her own way; her own path, all by herself, without the help of any human 'friends', but relying on the only true friend who will never betray, never slight, slander, or belittle: Jehovah God.
There is no human; not family, not friends, not self; that I can truely say that I trust. I wish I could go back to those happy niave days when, so maybe I didn't really have friends, I'd find some, and all would be groovy, everyone would be happy, everyone would be satisfied. I was oh so optimistic. Now I'm a little older, maybe a teensy bit wiser, and a lot more cynical. Can I say I'm happier? Well, yes; and it rellies on one thing. The only, only, ONLY thing that is really truely relliabe: Jehovah's kindness. A future. The only thing on this blasted earth that is worth caring about, worth fight about, worth talking, preaching, teaching about. The only thing that fills those lonley empty spaces we carry inside. Somehow we must muddle through. The way is tough and harsh; each of us will be seperated from the friends and family we tend to lean upon; each of us will be tested alone, in our own way, and each of us must find our own support in the only Supporter there is. If we don't learn how to relly on Him now, we will have NO ONE in the end.
I hope she knows these things. I hope she thinks them herself. They are somewhat hollow said by another human, but thought, with some study and prayer, they are profound, meaningful, and strengthening. Oh may she have strength.
There is no human; not family, not friends, not self; that I can truely say that I trust. I wish I could go back to those happy niave days when, so maybe I didn't really have friends, I'd find some, and all would be groovy, everyone would be happy, everyone would be satisfied. I was oh so optimistic. Now I'm a little older, maybe a teensy bit wiser, and a lot more cynical. Can I say I'm happier? Well, yes; and it rellies on one thing. The only, only, ONLY thing that is really truely relliabe: Jehovah's kindness. A future. The only thing on this blasted earth that is worth caring about, worth fight about, worth talking, preaching, teaching about. The only thing that fills those lonley empty spaces we carry inside. Somehow we must muddle through. The way is tough and harsh; each of us will be seperated from the friends and family we tend to lean upon; each of us will be tested alone, in our own way, and each of us must find our own support in the only Supporter there is. If we don't learn how to relly on Him now, we will have NO ONE in the end.
I hope she knows these things. I hope she thinks them herself. They are somewhat hollow said by another human, but thought, with some study and prayer, they are profound, meaningful, and strengthening. Oh may she have strength.