Stay or Go?
To stay or go? That's the question on my mind today as I wind down another week in the grind...
Jeff Legan asked me to come to his office and I kind of suspected why he wanted to talk. The word on the street is that they're looking for a junior team to work THE OPTION. I wrote about it last year, with the hope that I would be chosen to teach the seniors in the program this year, the pilot year. They tapped Kerry Rutigliano instead. Then, when they announced that they'd be rolling out the program next year to juniors, they had Abby Ferritto in mind for it. She passed. So now it falls to me. Should I stay or go? Should I take this jump into what's relatively unknown or should I stay with what's familiar?
It's pretty obvious that I've been suffering burnout. I need something to refresh me in this profession. I believe that this is the way that teaching is going to go and, quite frankly, I would like to be ahead of the curve instead of behind it. In a more practical voice, I don't want to continue to teach freshmen. It's been a leap for me; the rigors of regular teaching are mostly corralling kids and it's been rather exhausting. I want the freedom that this seems to afford. I want to teach, not just manage. I want to do this.
But I'm afraid. Because it's new...because it's so unknown...because it's being watched so closely. It's a polarizing element in the school. The "haves" and the "have nots." I'd hate to have people looking at me disdainfully but I know that this is mostly about self-preservation. I need to be able to operate in a different space. And if I choose to do this, it will be a brand new space...a space designed by one of my former students. Perhaps even a space that's properly heated and cooled in the extreme temperatures of Cleveland. Anything could happen.
So there's the long and short of my preoccupations late this week. I'm ready to get out of here. I'll see Matthew for the first time in weeks as soon as I get going. He should be soon to follow when I get home today. I'm very happy about that and I believe that with his stay, we'll be able to work out what we want to do. At least, that is what I'm hoping.
There's more to tell but I'm out of time.
Until we meet again...