Strange Twists
If anyone had told me that I'd be living on Arlington Drive again in this lifetime, I wouldn't have believed them. The move has been made, I'm working to get situated there, and although I'm grateful to be moved in and whatnot (read: a foot of snow will fall by tomorrow), I still feel like I've outgrown the place quite a bit. I've become accustomed to more space than what it affords. It has felt the wear and tear of 4.5 years of rental. I have had it cleaned, it's in the process of being painted, but neither of those things can net me more room.
Have I become spoiled?
Maybe with some time I'll figure out how to dump much of the unnecessary "stuff" and it won't feel as squeezed there. It couldn't be more convenient to its proximity to work. I'm happy to be back up front once more in the complex...I know beyond a reasonable doubt that I'm going to sell Spotswood Drive as soon as Terry vacates. And then I will truly be down to one address, one residence, and poised to finish the ride here at Mayfield. The question remains, should I continue to live in Lyndhurst? Or should I look for somewhere else to live in the spring/summer?
Time will tell. I will hunker down for the winter, that much is for sure. And I'll make sense of the life I left years ago here. I'll begin living as a Clevelander once again.
I took Friday off and when I came here yesterday, I realized I have been so depleted, so tired, I decided to write more sub plans and leave to get some other stuff together before the snow flew. I'm glad that I did that but I'm feeling a little bit behind at work. Sometimes I wonder what the deal is here...why it started to feel so exhausting and difficult to get the days done. The days are soaring...the weeks are clipping past. I'm tired of trying to talk to kids about things they haven't read (To Kill a Mockingbird, currently) and pretending that it's all okay. I don't know how to change this persistent discontent that I feel over teaching. The complexion of Mayfield is changing...and I wonder, do I have what it takes to continue? At this point, it's just me. I've got no reason to go elsewhere...I make an astoundingly good living and my retirement is growing every year. I've got 15 more years to go. At the rate the school years are going, I'm fairly certain that it'll be no time flat before I am calling it quits with teaching. And then anything goes.
Matthew and I are still talking. I was so close to telling him, "Don't delay. Come back." And right before I uttered the words, he and I started to talk about some things that gave me great pause. I wondered, what would it all look like now? Half the space of Columbiana, plus all of his trepidation about me asking him to leave before. He keeps wanting to talk about it and I am delaying, having just gotten some semblance of order to the condo. That's part of it (tired), but I also want to hold fast to what I've asked of him. Is there really anything to discuss until he lines up interviews? It all seems to be in a holding pattern until that time.
So it goes. I want to go home and veg in front of the TV but there are still things that I have to do after school today. I'll push through. One more class to go before the day is over. I've got this.
Until we meet again...
Have I become spoiled?
Maybe with some time I'll figure out how to dump much of the unnecessary "stuff" and it won't feel as squeezed there. It couldn't be more convenient to its proximity to work. I'm happy to be back up front once more in the complex...I know beyond a reasonable doubt that I'm going to sell Spotswood Drive as soon as Terry vacates. And then I will truly be down to one address, one residence, and poised to finish the ride here at Mayfield. The question remains, should I continue to live in Lyndhurst? Or should I look for somewhere else to live in the spring/summer?
Time will tell. I will hunker down for the winter, that much is for sure. And I'll make sense of the life I left years ago here. I'll begin living as a Clevelander once again.
I took Friday off and when I came here yesterday, I realized I have been so depleted, so tired, I decided to write more sub plans and leave to get some other stuff together before the snow flew. I'm glad that I did that but I'm feeling a little bit behind at work. Sometimes I wonder what the deal is here...why it started to feel so exhausting and difficult to get the days done. The days are soaring...the weeks are clipping past. I'm tired of trying to talk to kids about things they haven't read (To Kill a Mockingbird, currently) and pretending that it's all okay. I don't know how to change this persistent discontent that I feel over teaching. The complexion of Mayfield is changing...and I wonder, do I have what it takes to continue? At this point, it's just me. I've got no reason to go elsewhere...I make an astoundingly good living and my retirement is growing every year. I've got 15 more years to go. At the rate the school years are going, I'm fairly certain that it'll be no time flat before I am calling it quits with teaching. And then anything goes.
Matthew and I are still talking. I was so close to telling him, "Don't delay. Come back." And right before I uttered the words, he and I started to talk about some things that gave me great pause. I wondered, what would it all look like now? Half the space of Columbiana, plus all of his trepidation about me asking him to leave before. He keeps wanting to talk about it and I am delaying, having just gotten some semblance of order to the condo. That's part of it (tired), but I also want to hold fast to what I've asked of him. Is there really anything to discuss until he lines up interviews? It all seems to be in a holding pattern until that time.
So it goes. I want to go home and veg in front of the TV but there are still things that I have to do after school today. I'll push through. One more class to go before the day is over. I've got this.
Until we meet again...