The ramblings
of a rabidly tired brain. My piano student didn't show up. At least, I assume he didn't. I waited 10 minutes, and figured, "That's enough." If he REALLY wants to find me, he could come look in the office. *sniff* Quite unfair of me, actually. *sigh* I'm such a bad person.
Well, not really. I am just very ... I'm so TIRED! Gah! I want to just start crying - not for any particular reason, just ... just because.
So I'm going to write what's in my brain and see if unloading that highly stressed organ will help. So, be warned, things could get interesting. And if I randomly break into poetry, I apologize!
I really miss my Hannah. I haven't talked to her in ages. It's hurting my heart. *sigh* I wants her back. But she's ... in ... not here. *shrug* I mean, not that she was here before, but oddly enough, one seems to have more time to chat while in school. Go figure.
Like me, *I* will have like NO TIME to be online when school is over. Because Mum doesn't like it. But maybe she'll be better about it. I dunno.
I'm not sleeping very well. Heh. I keep trying to get up at 5:00 ... and failing. today I lay there from 5 - 7 trying to wake up enough to force my body out of bed. I didn't.
So I'm at school today sans shower, and sans ... everything,r eally. I couldn't ... OH! THERE are my PE shoes! Why are they HERE for the love of mike?
The weather has taken a turn for the not-so-great. : /
*groan* I am going to hate tonight. So, I have to teacha lesson - a make up lesson - 'cause I FOROGT on Monday that I teach a lesson, becuase it was the CONCERT, y'know? >_>;;
So I'm giving Karissa a make up lesson tonight, and then we have practice. The Hadley's are bringing dinner, which is GRAET, but ... I don't WANT to have practice, I don't WANT to teach a lesson. i WANT to go home!
I can't find my phone! It's horrible! T_T I had it this morning when I went out to the car... but I think that I left it in MY car when i grabbed my stuff to transfer to the pickup.
I feel like crying. I want to go home, and start the day over. *sigh* Pity we can'tdo that, eh?
I am very sick of fighting pigs in Maple Story. I've fought them for like 2 1/2 levels now (21 - 23) and ... yeah. I still only have 7 pig heads. *grumble*
Have I mentiond I'm HORRIBLE at jump quests? They're basically an obstacle course for your charcter. Alas, my gaming zen is so weak ... I COMPLETELY fail at them.
When we arrived at Logos this morning, ... the pick up wouldn't start. I mean, we get here, and then everybody gets out of the car, and *I* go get coffee ... but the pick up wouldn't start! T_T HORRIBLE! Waaaaah!! And then it started right off for Bryant. *grumble* typical.
no puedo hacer nada correcto. *sigh*
My arms really hurt. (For those of you that don't know, i hurt myself again. *sigh*) they're like scabby and stuff. I keep wanting to pull at the scabs, but everybody YELLS AT ME! I don't like being yelled at! *whimper*
I just want to slip away and dissapear.
I'm running so hard/
I still can't escape/
Where ever I go/
You are there/
In the darkness/
In the sunshine/
Where can I run/
Even in my flight/
Your will drives/
Directs my path/
I know I'm only/
Going where you are/
I want to leave/
Dissapear/
But I can't/
No matter how small/
I make myself/
You are still there/
You are bigger/
Stronger than me/
Than the universe/
There is nowhere/
Without you/
I do want to run away. Just because i'm so tired. It's not that I'm mad, or scared or upset ... I'm just so tired. I want to stop trying for awhile and rest.
My mind is dark/
A rabbit's path/
Repeated/
Over and over/
Going deeper/
Into the depths/
Led by horror/
I can see death/
I believe it/
I know its real/
This road is/
One way/
I need to sleep ... no, not sleep ... just ... REST! T_T
Man, my arms hurt. Everybody keeps telling me not to complain. It *is* my own fault ... It's ... hard tho. 'Cause then it feels like they're mad at me. And it hurts. And I want to be small again ... and ... I can't explain it ... *sigh*
I really like my Hindurwa CD tho'. It's good. Because ... What's wrong with me? nothing. Y'know. My parents are alive. I'm not living on the streets. If THESE GUYS can learn God like that ... if He brings such peace and happiness in Hell ... everything is okay. 'Cause God is good.
I'm reminded of Screwtape letters, where the demon Screwtape is talkinga bout how humans are like ... amphibians. We're both flesh ... and spirit. And the flesh is so confusing.
It's like Paul said, "That which I do, I do not WANT to do ... and I don't do what i WANT too!" and it's like AUUUGH! YES! STUPID FLESH!!! DIEE!! Mehness.
Stop Crying
(By Hindurwa)
In usual life, we meet many temptations//
Within bad situations//
where everything gets worse you suffer a lot//
and you start doubthing that maybe God is not with you//
Stop crying 'cause your creator is still alive//
Stop crying you are not alone, God loves you.//
Stop crying, stop crying//
God is not far//
God is near to us//
Everything you need, ask Him//
if anyone comes to Him, He won't drive away//
Please take heart, He loves you
listen here
Their accents are so cute. :3
I'm ... weary. Heh. "I'm weary, so weary, jus' wanna go home!"
I tried so hard last night to paint a picture of a unicorn egg ... but it died. I'm feeling highly untatlented. *grump* But I'm doing some pencils on paper right now, and theyr'e wroking okay ... so far.
i can't WAIT for my camera to get here. I need help! Shoulders are especially hard, 'cause I keep trying these complex angle things, and ... it's hard to tell where the shoulder is, y'know? I mean, the actually ball socket of the shoulder will be in the middle of the body, so you have to indicate it by the arm line, and the back and neck ... so ... yeah.
I want my cameraaaaaaa T_T
It's supposed to get here tomorrow.
Kurt is supposed to call today with a proof copy of the Yb ... tha would be good. ^_^ 'Cause then we can check it. maybe RB can help me with that tomorrow, or something. Probably not.
AUUUGH! I feel like the whole YB is my responsibility. I mean, it is .. but I feel like I'm carrying it all by myself, 'cause Dibbs, Andrew, and Aaron (who is usually busy anyway) are too ... inexperienced to be much help, and RB is so busy ... so busy. >_< but it's so heavy. There's so much to do, and I'm just ... I'm barely coping!
But neither is anybody else ... so I feel like I shouldn't ask for help. i probably shouldn't. *sigh*
Mom says that I can't handle as much stress as she does. Shes' right and all ... but ... i feel like such a wimp. *sniffle* I can't do ANYTHING! I'm completley ... helpless and useless!
("Useless? Well if she's useless, we don't want her here!")
Okay, THAT is ... yeah. Oh, Father! *cling*
"How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves."
Song of Songs 1:15
The Lord loves me. Even if no matter what. So ... yeah. It's hard tho'. Hard. I'm so tired, I can't help but listen to all the other voices ...
I'm really nervous about the San Fransisco trip.
Gah, y'know what, EVERYTHING is making me cry. >_< It doesn't matter what. I'm just ... ready to cry!!!!!1 Maybe i SHOULD, but I *can't* because I'm at Logos, and everybody ELSE is stressed too, and they don't need to deal with a "crazy woman," to quote nee-chan.
Annnnyway ... this is going nowhere fast.
i'm going to go throw myself into that unicorn egg picture.
Toodle pip.
Regardless of how I feel, GOD IS GOOD. He does not change.
~Istra~
Well, not really. I am just very ... I'm so TIRED! Gah! I want to just start crying - not for any particular reason, just ... just because.
So I'm going to write what's in my brain and see if unloading that highly stressed organ will help. So, be warned, things could get interesting. And if I randomly break into poetry, I apologize!
I really miss my Hannah. I haven't talked to her in ages. It's hurting my heart. *sigh* I wants her back. But she's ... in ... not here. *shrug* I mean, not that she was here before, but oddly enough, one seems to have more time to chat while in school. Go figure.
Like me, *I* will have like NO TIME to be online when school is over. Because Mum doesn't like it. But maybe she'll be better about it. I dunno.
I'm not sleeping very well. Heh. I keep trying to get up at 5:00 ... and failing. today I lay there from 5 - 7 trying to wake up enough to force my body out of bed. I didn't.
So I'm at school today sans shower, and sans ... everything,r eally. I couldn't ... OH! THERE are my PE shoes! Why are they HERE for the love of mike?
The weather has taken a turn for the not-so-great. : /
*groan* I am going to hate tonight. So, I have to teacha lesson - a make up lesson - 'cause I FOROGT on Monday that I teach a lesson, becuase it was the CONCERT, y'know? >_>;;
So I'm giving Karissa a make up lesson tonight, and then we have practice. The Hadley's are bringing dinner, which is GRAET, but ... I don't WANT to have practice, I don't WANT to teach a lesson. i WANT to go home!
I can't find my phone! It's horrible! T_T I had it this morning when I went out to the car... but I think that I left it in MY car when i grabbed my stuff to transfer to the pickup.
I feel like crying. I want to go home, and start the day over. *sigh* Pity we can'tdo that, eh?
I am very sick of fighting pigs in Maple Story. I've fought them for like 2 1/2 levels now (21 - 23) and ... yeah. I still only have 7 pig heads. *grumble*
Have I mentiond I'm HORRIBLE at jump quests? They're basically an obstacle course for your charcter. Alas, my gaming zen is so weak ... I COMPLETELY fail at them.
When we arrived at Logos this morning, ... the pick up wouldn't start. I mean, we get here, and then everybody gets out of the car, and *I* go get coffee ... but the pick up wouldn't start! T_T HORRIBLE! Waaaaah!! And then it started right off for Bryant. *grumble* typical.
no puedo hacer nada correcto. *sigh*
My arms really hurt. (For those of you that don't know, i hurt myself again. *sigh*) they're like scabby and stuff. I keep wanting to pull at the scabs, but everybody YELLS AT ME! I don't like being yelled at! *whimper*
I just want to slip away and dissapear.
I'm running so hard/
I still can't escape/
Where ever I go/
You are there/
In the darkness/
In the sunshine/
Where can I run/
Even in my flight/
Your will drives/
Directs my path/
I know I'm only/
Going where you are/
I want to leave/
Dissapear/
But I can't/
No matter how small/
I make myself/
You are still there/
You are bigger/
Stronger than me/
Than the universe/
There is nowhere/
Without you/
I do want to run away. Just because i'm so tired. It's not that I'm mad, or scared or upset ... I'm just so tired. I want to stop trying for awhile and rest.
My mind is dark/
A rabbit's path/
Repeated/
Over and over/
Going deeper/
Into the depths/
Led by horror/
I can see death/
I believe it/
I know its real/
This road is/
One way/
I need to sleep ... no, not sleep ... just ... REST! T_T
Man, my arms hurt. Everybody keeps telling me not to complain. It *is* my own fault ... It's ... hard tho. 'Cause then it feels like they're mad at me. And it hurts. And I want to be small again ... and ... I can't explain it ... *sigh*
I really like my Hindurwa CD tho'. It's good. Because ... What's wrong with me? nothing. Y'know. My parents are alive. I'm not living on the streets. If THESE GUYS can learn God like that ... if He brings such peace and happiness in Hell ... everything is okay. 'Cause God is good.
I'm reminded of Screwtape letters, where the demon Screwtape is talkinga bout how humans are like ... amphibians. We're both flesh ... and spirit. And the flesh is so confusing.
It's like Paul said, "That which I do, I do not WANT to do ... and I don't do what i WANT too!" and it's like AUUUGH! YES! STUPID FLESH!!! DIEE!! Mehness.
Stop Crying
(By Hindurwa)
In usual life, we meet many temptations//
Within bad situations//
where everything gets worse you suffer a lot//
and you start doubthing that maybe God is not with you//
Stop crying 'cause your creator is still alive//
Stop crying you are not alone, God loves you.//
Stop crying, stop crying//
God is not far//
God is near to us//
Everything you need, ask Him//
if anyone comes to Him, He won't drive away//
Please take heart, He loves you
listen here
Their accents are so cute. :3
I'm ... weary. Heh. "I'm weary, so weary, jus' wanna go home!"
I tried so hard last night to paint a picture of a unicorn egg ... but it died. I'm feeling highly untatlented. *grump* But I'm doing some pencils on paper right now, and theyr'e wroking okay ... so far.
i can't WAIT for my camera to get here. I need help! Shoulders are especially hard, 'cause I keep trying these complex angle things, and ... it's hard to tell where the shoulder is, y'know? I mean, the actually ball socket of the shoulder will be in the middle of the body, so you have to indicate it by the arm line, and the back and neck ... so ... yeah.
I want my cameraaaaaaa T_T
It's supposed to get here tomorrow.
Kurt is supposed to call today with a proof copy of the Yb ... tha would be good. ^_^ 'Cause then we can check it. maybe RB can help me with that tomorrow, or something. Probably not.
AUUUGH! I feel like the whole YB is my responsibility. I mean, it is .. but I feel like I'm carrying it all by myself, 'cause Dibbs, Andrew, and Aaron (who is usually busy anyway) are too ... inexperienced to be much help, and RB is so busy ... so busy. >_< but it's so heavy. There's so much to do, and I'm just ... I'm barely coping!
But neither is anybody else ... so I feel like I shouldn't ask for help. i probably shouldn't. *sigh*
Mom says that I can't handle as much stress as she does. Shes' right and all ... but ... i feel like such a wimp. *sniffle* I can't do ANYTHING! I'm completley ... helpless and useless!
("Useless? Well if she's useless, we don't want her here!")
Okay, THAT is ... yeah. Oh, Father! *cling*
"How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves."
Song of Songs 1:15
The Lord loves me. Even if no matter what. So ... yeah. It's hard tho'. Hard. I'm so tired, I can't help but listen to all the other voices ...
I'm really nervous about the San Fransisco trip.
Gah, y'know what, EVERYTHING is making me cry. >_< It doesn't matter what. I'm just ... ready to cry!!!!!1 Maybe i SHOULD, but I *can't* because I'm at Logos, and everybody ELSE is stressed too, and they don't need to deal with a "crazy woman," to quote nee-chan.
Annnnyway ... this is going nowhere fast.
i'm going to go throw myself into that unicorn egg picture.
Toodle pip.
Regardless of how I feel, GOD IS GOOD. He does not change.
~Istra~