nightmare diary
Oh boy, this dream sucked. It was a nightmare.
It was the holiday (perhaps x-mas eve) and I was alone in a big room sitting at the head of a long table. I had three bottles of medication out on the table. One was Clozapine which is used to treat schitzophrenia but for some reason I knew the medications were for HIV. I obviously have experience with real HIV medications and these pills were a lot smaller, but dreams don't always have to make sense, inside I knew these were HIV meds.
I had a chart out and I was figuring out how many pills I had to take everyday. It was really scary. I took the first pill and then looked at the clock. It was around 11pm or so. I then thought "Okay, I'll have to take these pills at exactly 11pm tomorrow and everyday for the rest of my life." It began to get horrifying there. I tried to calm myself down because I had taken one of the pills and that was an accomplishment. I then realized I had two more pills to take.
I went to take another pill when my family walked into the room. First it was my parents and siblings but then my extended family walked in as I scrambled to hide my medications. My family don't know the names of HIV medications like I do, but I didn't think of that in the dream - I just knew that they would know if they saw my medications. Plus I never go to the doctor and am never sick so the medications would cause questions.
I began to panic. I wanted to run away and break out into tears. Even if I could muster up the courage to tell someone my status I couldn't do it with my extended family around. For some reason it was my dad's side of the family. Most of the Schmalenbergs were there. My uncle Tom and Aunt Sharon were there.
I don't remember a whole lot more about the dream besides thinking that I had only had sex once with a condom and being in total disbelief that I was HIV positive. I thought for a minute that my HIV test was a false positive and that I should get retested. I then realized that it was bullshit and I was going to die from this. I couldn't tell my family though. I was having a panic attacked putting my hands over the papers with information about my medications and hiding the pill bottles under my feet.
I had to leave the room for a minute and when I came back my family was talking about medical histories and I heard the words "infectious disease" get used. The conversation stopped when I came back in. I don't remember why I left but I knew now that my family knew of my HIV status.
The dream pretty much ended around here. It was terrifying and even though it wasn't real in the least bit I think I can sympathize with my clients a little more. Holy shit that was a scary dream. Happy Holidays.
It was the holiday (perhaps x-mas eve) and I was alone in a big room sitting at the head of a long table. I had three bottles of medication out on the table. One was Clozapine which is used to treat schitzophrenia but for some reason I knew the medications were for HIV. I obviously have experience with real HIV medications and these pills were a lot smaller, but dreams don't always have to make sense, inside I knew these were HIV meds.
I had a chart out and I was figuring out how many pills I had to take everyday. It was really scary. I took the first pill and then looked at the clock. It was around 11pm or so. I then thought "Okay, I'll have to take these pills at exactly 11pm tomorrow and everyday for the rest of my life." It began to get horrifying there. I tried to calm myself down because I had taken one of the pills and that was an accomplishment. I then realized I had two more pills to take.
I went to take another pill when my family walked into the room. First it was my parents and siblings but then my extended family walked in as I scrambled to hide my medications. My family don't know the names of HIV medications like I do, but I didn't think of that in the dream - I just knew that they would know if they saw my medications. Plus I never go to the doctor and am never sick so the medications would cause questions.
I began to panic. I wanted to run away and break out into tears. Even if I could muster up the courage to tell someone my status I couldn't do it with my extended family around. For some reason it was my dad's side of the family. Most of the Schmalenbergs were there. My uncle Tom and Aunt Sharon were there.
I don't remember a whole lot more about the dream besides thinking that I had only had sex once with a condom and being in total disbelief that I was HIV positive. I thought for a minute that my HIV test was a false positive and that I should get retested. I then realized that it was bullshit and I was going to die from this. I couldn't tell my family though. I was having a panic attacked putting my hands over the papers with information about my medications and hiding the pill bottles under my feet.
I had to leave the room for a minute and when I came back my family was talking about medical histories and I heard the words "infectious disease" get used. The conversation stopped when I came back in. I don't remember why I left but I knew now that my family knew of my HIV status.
The dream pretty much ended around here. It was terrifying and even though it wasn't real in the least bit I think I can sympathize with my clients a little more. Holy shit that was a scary dream. Happy Holidays.