(no subject)
Tired- possibly from crying
Possibly being overemotional... but depession can do that to you.
My knees and back hurt that I'm close to downing a bottle of advil... might end up in the hospital, but at least I'd be in less pain... right? :-/
Almost cried during rehearsal today. Playing was going ok, and then my back decided it wanted to be mean and now I'm sitting with an icepack on my back striving not to cry because I'm in so much pain. And I was so happy for the short time that violin was in my hand and I was making it sing.
Why when I get good at something- really good, does it have to be taken away from me? I felt like a failure in orch today. Like I was holding the orchestra back. I'm second chair second violin. I was almost principle second. Now I dont even know if I'll be able to stay in my seat during the concert bc I might not be able to play all of the pieces!! I almost started crying when my conductor asked me if I'd be able to make it through the concert and talked about possibly moving my seat because they didnt want a vacant chair in the front of the section during the concert.
And Rabbi Chaim wants me to start a performance dance troupe. Oh how I would love that so much!!! And yet I CANT! I cant even dance! I hanvt danced in about 6 weeks bc of my knees and they're in more pain than they were before when I was dancing!
I am so miserable right now. I am offered chances that make my heart spin with excitement and they're taken out from under my nose because of my damn back and knees!!
Possibly being overemotional... but depession can do that to you.
My knees and back hurt that I'm close to downing a bottle of advil... might end up in the hospital, but at least I'd be in less pain... right? :-/
Almost cried during rehearsal today. Playing was going ok, and then my back decided it wanted to be mean and now I'm sitting with an icepack on my back striving not to cry because I'm in so much pain. And I was so happy for the short time that violin was in my hand and I was making it sing.
Why when I get good at something- really good, does it have to be taken away from me? I felt like a failure in orch today. Like I was holding the orchestra back. I'm second chair second violin. I was almost principle second. Now I dont even know if I'll be able to stay in my seat during the concert bc I might not be able to play all of the pieces!! I almost started crying when my conductor asked me if I'd be able to make it through the concert and talked about possibly moving my seat because they didnt want a vacant chair in the front of the section during the concert.
And Rabbi Chaim wants me to start a performance dance troupe. Oh how I would love that so much!!! And yet I CANT! I cant even dance! I hanvt danced in about 6 weeks bc of my knees and they're in more pain than they were before when I was dancing!
I am so miserable right now. I am offered chances that make my heart spin with excitement and they're taken out from under my nose because of my damn back and knees!!