[Fic] You Stole My Heart Chapter 6
Title: You Stole My Heart ch6/?
Author: ismera91
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13 this chapter (NC-17 whole fic)
Genre: Romance, smut, angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to JE.....only the plot
Warnings: Language and possible rape scenes
Summary: Kame is a mess. He can't trust his own mind or body any more. For the first time in the last few years Kame is finally getting his life back on track. Until Jin decides to come home from America after 6 years and ruin everything. Kame's past comes back to haunt him worse than ever but this time he's not going down alone.
A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took way longer than the others. I actually finished it awhile ago but didn't have any time to post it. I guess I have been super busy lately and now that I'm about to go back to uni next week I will be even busier. BUT I promise to try and write as much as I can in my free time and post chapter's at least once a week (^_^). PS: I hope you like this chapter cause I really do.
Chapter 1/// Chapter 2/// Chapter 3/// Chapter 4///Chapter 5
You Stole My Heart
Chapter 6
Kame wakes with a splitting head ache as he slowly comes to his senses. He sits up as slowly as his dizzy head will let him, taking in the surroundings. For one slit second he thinks he is back in that room before he recognises the familiar walls and the familiar ceiling. This is Ueda’s room. Kame tries to take stock of how he is feeling. His whole body is aching, no doubt as a result of the mental and physical abuse his own subconscious dealt him last night. The lingering taste of bitter acid in his mouth reminds Kame of his early morning dash to the bathroom.
The bathroom………wait…………there was someone else with me last night………….someone who was……………..Kame has to do a frantic sweep of the room twice before he spots him………Jin.
Kame remembers everything. He remembers talking with Jin at the club, how he had apologised. How they had both found out that Kame’s own father had been lying to them this entire time. How he had got ridiculously drunk. How Jin had carried him home. How Jin had been there every time he woke up. How Jin had calmed him down with soothing words and gentle touches. How Jin had cradled him in the bathroom this morning. How Jin was there waiting beside him. How Jin is still there sleeping beside the bed right now.
Staring down at the other, Kame feels his heart suddenly beating faster, like it’s a trapped humming bird trying to escape from his chest
Looking at Jin’s sleeping face he tries to comprehend his feelings for this man. Last night he had taken care of him. He is not the first person to do so, but he is the first person Kame actually wanted to be taken care of by. In Jin’s arms he had felt safe. He had felt protected. He had felt like it might be possible to finally overcome his hurdles if only he remained by his side. Staring down at Jin, Kame realises how much he has changed him, in only this short amount of time. Kame has never wanted to be taken care of before. He has never let himself be touched by another. He has never given his absolute trust to someone like that before, not for a long time. Kazuya hasn’t trusted anyone, not even Ueda like this before. Not after what Koki had done. Not after Koki had destroyed his life and any last remanet of trust he had to give.
Kame had long ago given up on the fact that he could no longer trust his own body and mind. He had long ago given up on the fact that he would never be able to live a normal life. He had long ago given up on the fact that he can’t outrun his past no matter how fast he runs. Kame had long ago given up on life….given up on himself.
And now this man has returned after six years. How is it possible that just one person can have such a profound effect on him?
‘But it’s not just any person’ Kame’s subconscious says crawling out from its dark and dusty corner, ‘it’s Jin.’
Kame ignores the voice.
He doesn’t understand it at all. Why Jin makes him feel this way. It’s stupid! Besides the fact that their lives are so different, Jin being famous actor making his debut in Japan and Kame being a physically abused, mentally fucked up delusional university student, he has only seen this man 3 times in the last six years and all three of those times had been in the last two weeks! How can you have absolute faith and trust in someone you don’t even know?
‘But you do know him’ his sub conscious pipes up again. Kame thinks this through; it’s true that they knew each other when they where little but so much time has passed and so much has changed in his life. Kame can only expect that Jin’s life has changed to. As much as Kame would like it, he doesn’t think that they will ever be able to get back to where they were. Even though his heart and body have not forgotten a single thing about Jin and the way he makes him feel, his mind had long ago given up on the idea.
Kame notes the two Advil on the bedside table and takes them immediately. He would do anything to stop this pounding headache. As he lies down on the bed again he watches Jin’s slow breathing. Even if Kame doesn’t understand anything about Jin or the way he makes him feel, there is one thing Kame knows for sure. And that’s as much as he would like to deny it, the truth is he has been in love with this man since he was twelve years old and no matter how much time or distance they put between them, those feelings have always been there, just waiting for their chance to rear their ugly head and make Kame’s life more difficult than it already is.
He really is beautiful like this though, Kame thinks momentarily forgetting his troubles as he takes in Jin’s sleeping form.
‘It can’t be helped’ his subconscious says sounding extremely self satisfied at having made Kame finally acknowledge that his past feelings for Jin are still there.
‘Whatever’ Kame retorts back at himself imagining himself giving his subconscious a dirty look.
Kame feels totally exhausted….he has no energy anymore…especially not to fight with his own mind.
Kame lays back down on the bed, turning his head so that Jin remains in his view. In and ………………out…………in and…………….out………………..in and……………out. Kame’s exhaustion finally pulls him back under as his matches his slow and even breathing to Jin’s.
Jin wakes slowly as the events of last night creep back into his mind. After everything that had happened last night he had been exhausted. Ahhhh….he realises as his back gives him a sharp pain in protest. He must have fallen asleep like this leaning on the bed, so that he could be close to Kame in case he had another nightmare last night.
Kame!……Jin thinks waking up immediately at the thought of the younger man. He had been in so much pain last night that it broke Jin’s heart every time the younger screamed out in pain, every time he withered out in protest. Whatever had happened to his best friend has left a deep and dark scar on this boys mind, body and soul.
Jin takes in the sleeping boy in front of him. Like this, it is easy for Jin to forget the horrors that Kame was facing only a few hours before. Kame is lying on his side facing Jin as he sleeps peacefully. His dark hair is as wild as ever as it fans out across the pillow.
Jin notices the red welts on Kame’s arms and the scratch marks all over his chest. In an attempt to cool him down last night Jin had managed to strip Kame of his clothes, throwing the dripping wet material onto the floor. Apparently this had been a bad idea as Kazuya had managed to scratch himself raw during one of his night terrors. Jin could do nothing as the boy frantically clawed at his chest like he was trying to rip out his own heart.
Jin moves closer to the boy wanting to brush the hair back from his face, wanting to see his peaceful expression underneath. As he leans in closer he notices three faint lines crossing over the boy’s right wrist. These definitely weren’t caused last night, Jin thinks as he moves his hand towards the boys arm. Running his hand down the inside of the boys arm he notices that the lines are actually three thin horizontal scares each only a few centimetres apart. The first one, closest to his hand, is a dark brown while the one furthest is a light pink, most likely the newest Jin thinks. Jin can only imagine what had driven Kame to do this to himself, though after last night it doesn’t really take a genius to figure it out. Brushing his fingers over the light scares, Jin wonders if there are any on the boy’s other wrist as well, the one that is wrapped in plaster. Most likely, Jin sighs. Removing his hand from the others wrist he reaches forward again to brush the dark hair back from his face like he had originally intended.
As he is about to reach out and touch him, Kame suddenly moans. Jin retracts his hand fast, his heart pounding in his chest.
‘Humh’ Jin chuckles silently at his own reaction. His heart is pounding loud in his chest like he just got caught doing something he shouldn’t.
‘Well, I guess I probably was then’ Jin thinks, wondering if Kame would be okay with the way Jin was touching him.
‘I should let him sleep’ Jin muses as he gets up from the floor and leaves the room. After the night he had he deserves some good earned rest.
Moving into the kitchen Jin remembers how hungry he is when his stomach gives a loud groan.
‘mmmmm……’ Jin thinks ‘Breakfast sounds really good right about now.’ Even though it’s not his apartment, Jin doesn’t think Ueda will mind much if he cooks some breakfast for everyone. Standing in the kitchen, he takes a good look around. He has no idea where anything is let alone how to actually make something. Rice and toast is about the extent of his expertise and even then he manages to burn it half the time.
‘I’ll just go and by something’ Jin decides. By the time he comes back Kame might be awake and then Jin can force him to eat something too. He has a feeling that Kame is going to be feeling pretty horrible today. After all the alcohol and nightmares, it will be a miracle if he can even get out of bed.
Before leaving he decides to ask Ueda if he wants Jin to get him anything specific. Except Jin realises for the first time, he has no idea where Ueda is. If he and Kame where in the bedroom all night than it is only normal to presume that Ueda must have slept on the couch. Except Ueda is not here. There is no evidence to suggest that Ueda has even been sleeping in the lounge room at all. Jin is slightly concerned as he gets ready to leave, grabbing his wallet and shoes. Ueda is a grown man, he should be able to look after himself right? Maybe he just went out for a morning walk or something. Jin isn’t entirely convinced though as he remembers last night’s events, even though he hadn’t realised it then, Ueda’s behaviour had been really weird last night.
Though I don’t really think I’m in the best position to say when Ueda is actually weird or not. I don’t actually know him that well. Maybe that’s just how he always is, Jin decides as he opens the front door.
Quickly as not to waste any time, Jin crosses the corridor to his own apartment first so that he can take a super fast shower and get a change of clothes. After his 3 minute shower (literally 3 minutes) Jin feels like he has finally managed to scrub away some of last night’s memories. Seeing Kame screaming and withering in pain had been more than he could bear last night, right now Jin is only holding on by a thread.
At the combine Jin decides on some melon bread for himself and some chocolate chip melon bread for Kame. The last time Jin checked the boy loved anything that was remotely sweet or chocolate flavoured. He remembers how easy it always was to bribe Kame if you had a chocolate bar and a packet of pocky, especially if it was the one’s covered in almonds.
Jin heads over to the freezer section in an attempt to find himself some decent iced coffee and some kind of juice for Kame. Jin has a five minute debacle when he can’t decide if Kame would like apple and black current or just plain apple better. Unable to decide Jin takes both adding them to the basket. Before he reaches the counter Jin passes by the health section, tracing his steps back he grabs some more Advil (just in case Ueda has ran out) and a bottle of vitamin C tablets.
Are these good for hangovers? Jin thinks trying to recall what he usually does after a big night out. He usually just drinks a ton of coffee but for some reason he doesn’t think that Kame is the coffee type. And besides Jin wants to look after him today….to make sure that he’s okay.
I wonder if I should buy these for Kame?
The shop assistant seems to take pity on Jin after he’s been standing in the same spot for over 10minutes trying to decide if Vitamin C with added calcium is better than Vitamin C with added iron.
By the time Jin leaves the store he thinks he might as well just have brought everything.
‘I hope these things help Kame feel better’ Jin thinks as the automated glass doors slide open. As he steps out of the cool air-conditioned store and into the early morning heat Jin notices a familiar face across the road. It’s Ueda. Before Jin has a chance to call out to him he notices the other man he is standing with. There seems to be something faintly familiar about the other man but Jin doesn’t recognise him from this distance. The two of them seem to be arguing about something as Ueda suddenly pushes the man away from him and stalks off in the direction of their apartment. After staring after Ueda for a few seconds the other man seems to get the hint as he also walks away in the opposite direction as Ueda before he gets into the passenger side of a black sedan waiting by the curb.
‘Must be an ex-boyfriend’ Jin concludes
“Ueda” Jin calls out running across the busy on-coming traffic.
Ueda turns around staring at Jin in shock. He clearly hadn’t expected to see Jin here. Jin notices as he takes in Ueda’s appearance that he is still in the same clothes as last night. Jin gets the seeping suspicion that Ueda has been out all night. He must have gone out during the night without telling them. I wonder why?
“Ueda, who was that?” Jin decides to ask teasingly, thinking that honestly is the best policy. There is no point in pretending like he didn’t see them together.
‘None of your business’ Ueda replies coldly turning back around, heading for the apartment. Jin comes to a stop. That was not the reaction he was going for. Jin had only wanted to tease him a little. Is Ueda angry at him?
Jin runs to catch up to the other, pulling on his sleeve to make him turn around.
“What!” Ueda snaps
Jin is taken aback again. Something is wrong with Ueda.
“Nothing” he concedes thinking that it’s probably best not to stick his nose into other people’s business, especially when he doesn’t even know them that well.
Releasing Ueda’s sleeve, Jin continues to follow the other as he leads the way back to their apartment block. The silence between them grows heavier and heavier with every step as they get closer to their homes. Eventually Jin decides he can’t take it anymore as they reach the hallway leading to their apartments.
“I brought melon bread and iced coffee” Jin says with a teasing chin, hoping to lighten the mood, “I didn’t get you any because I didn’t know where you were but I will share mine with you if you ask nicely.”
Ueda only turns around to glare at Jin, like him just being there is a crime.
“waaa….why are you in such a bad mood this morning?” Jin wines pouting like a child. He doesn’t think he did anything to deserve this kind of treatment but if he did…putting on his cutest pouty face usually gets him out of all trouble.
“why are you in such a good mood!” Ueda says back, not letting Jin reply before continuing “no wait don’t tell me. I know exactly why”
Jin is confused. Has Ueda been drinking all night…what is he talking about…now that Jin thinks about it there is a distinct smell of alcohol wafting over from Ueda’s general direction.
“what is that supposed to mean?” Jin says genuinely confused even though it comes out as an accusation instead.
“Don’t play dumb. I saw you and Kame last night. You couldn’t keep your hands off him”
Ueda has definitely been drinking or something because this is making no sense.
“what……it wasn’t like that………last night was just-”
“Don’t even try to pretend. It’s clear you have feelings for him.” Ueda accuses his voice rising slightly.
“what!?” is all Jin can managed in his shocked state, his voice equally if not louder than Ueda’s.
“Jin it’s so obvious. The way you look at him…it’s like he is your most prized possession. I don’t even know why you’re trying to pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about”
Jin can only stand there, shock and disbelief written all over his face. Jin knows that what he always felt for Kame was stronger than friendship. To him he had always thought of Kame as a precious younger brother, one that needed to be protected and looked after at all costs. Kame had always been important to him but that was all it was right?...right!?
“When you said to me that what happened between us wasn’t going to happen again, I thought it was because you weren’t into men not because you were in love with Kame” Ueda continues sounding disgusted.
Under all his disgust and anger Jin recognises something else. Something that Ueda is desperately trying to hide. Hurt. So this is why Ueda is so upset…he is hurt that Jin spent all his time with Kame last night.
“wait….don’t tell me your in love with me” is the only conclusion that Jin can come up with.
“What! Of course not. I am not fucking in love with YOU” Ueda denies.
Jin is totally confused. If Ueda is not in love with him then why is he getting so upset over something that never even happened?
“Oh” is all Jin can manage as Ueda’s words finally sink in, “Does that mean you’re in love with-“
“Hey what are you guys arguing about out here?”
Jin and Ueda both freeze on the spot at the sound of the unexpected voice. Jin turns around ever so slowly to see Kame standing in the open doorway to Ueda’s apartment……..clearly haven just woken up and……………totally shirtless. Jin takes in the boys pale appearance and notices that the red welts on his chest are standing out even more in the natural lighting.
Jin turns back around to see Ueda equally as flustered by the boy’s appearance.
“Nothing, we were just discussing breakfast” Ueda replies with a light hearted smile, motioning to the bags in Jin’s hands “Jin only got two melon breads so we were fighting over who has to share.
“aghhh…..don’t even mention breakfast” Kame says clearly buying the lie. And if Jin didn’t know any better he would have believed Ueda too. Maybe the other has a hidden talent for acting.
As soon as Kame turns around and heads back into the apartment, Ueda shoots Jin a pointed stare clearly saying,
‘don’t you dare mention this to him’
Jin returns Ueda’s look with one of his own that clearly says
‘we will talk about this later’
They stand like this in the hallway for a few more minutes before Kame pops his head back out the door with a curious glance,
“aren’t you two going to come in?”
Both Jin and Ueda jump when they hear the boy’s voice again having forgotten that he was even there. Jin gives Kame a guilty smile before following the boy inside, closely followed by Ueda.
Inside it seems that Kame has managed to drag himself out of bed and commandeer the couch as he walks over to it and literally plops himself down face first.
“How are you feeling?” Ueda asks the boy making his way over to the couch while Jin heads for the kitchen.
“hmmm….” is all Jin manages to hear from the kitchen
“so pretty bad then”
Exiting from the kitchen Jin walks over to Kame. The boy is still laying face first on the couch, ignoring all of Ueda’s questions.
“Here, I know you’re probably feeling really sick right now but you should drink something at least” Jin says softly holding out the juice’s he brought from the store.
The boy turns around slowly, clearly trying to estimate how much effort it’s going to take to refuse Jin’s offer. In the end he sees to think it’s not worth it as he sits up slowly and takes one of the juices.
“Thanks”
“You’re welcome. I didn’t really know what type you liked so I got both” Jin says embarrassed at having gone a little over board.
“Thanks” the boy says again, giving Jin a tight smile, “My stomach doesn’t feel so good at the moment though so I don’t know if I’ll be able to drink it”
“That’s okay, I expected that. I also got you some Advil, Vitamin C, Vitamin D and some concoction the shop keeper said he swore by” Jin replies with an honest smile, hoping that some of these will indeed make Kame feel better.
Kame smiles up at Jin, a smirk lurking at the corners
“Thanks. But you didn’t have to buy the whole store” he teases
“aghh…now I think I’m the one who’s going to be sick” Ueda suddenly complains, like seeing Jin and Kame sitting there together should be against the law “I’m leaving”
“Ueda!” Kame says looking hurt “where are you going?”
“To have a shower. It is my apartment you know” he says like he is pointing out the obvious.
“oh okay then” the boy says clearly satisfied with the answer.
As he heads for the shower, Ueda tries to block out Kame and Jin’s chattering.
‘I can’t take this much longer’ Ueda thinks feeling like he’s being kicked out of his own home.
This is stupid I should just tell Jin to leave…..No, I can’t do that.
‘I don’t think I have ever seen him this happy’
Even though Kame surely has a terrible hang over today and his skin is deathly pale, there is something different about him. Something that seems to have made him glow from the inside out despite his horrendous night. And that stupid fucker Jin doesn’t even realise it. He doesn’t realise how rare Kame’s smiles are or how rare it is for Kame to even speak. Jin takes all of this for granted.
‘I can’t forgive someone like him’
Here he was thinking 24 hours ago that he and Jin could be really good friends when in reality Jin is just a stupid thick skulled moron who doesn’t even realise that he is in love with Kame.
‘I can never forgive someone like him’
Ueda turns on the hot water and steps under its spray.
By the time he finishes washing his hair, brushing his teeth and scrubbing his body clean of last night’s horrors, Ueda has well and truly conned himself into believing that his heart is not broken. That it’s not aching from the inside out. That it’s not about to explode at any second. Last night Ueda has been so hurt by what he saw that he had had to leave. He can’t really remember what happened after he left the apartment only that he woke up at 3.00am this morning in some stranger’s bed. The usual guilt raked his mind before he realised that it didn’t matter anymore. No matter how much time he spent looking after Kame, how much of his life he had given to the other, in the end he had chosen someone else. While he laid in the strangers bed he was overwhelmed with anger and not just at Jin. He was angry at himself too. For one split second Ueda had contemplated calling Kame and telling him what happened between him and Jin, telling him what kind of person Jin really was. But before he had even completed the thought he knew that he could never do something like that. No matter how much he hated Jin, he could never ruin the small ray of sunshine that Kame seems to have found in his life. Even though he chose someone else, Ueda is still his best friend.
Ueda had decided there and then that he would eventually get over this. That he would support Kame no matter what. What he didn’t bank on was the fact that Jin would turn out to be a total and utter moron. How can he not realise Kame’s feelings when they are staring him straight in the face? How can he not realise his own feelings at least? Is he seriously that oblivious or just thick skulled?
So during his half an hour shower Ueda had finally come to a decision. Just because he wants to support Kame doesn’t mean that he has to support Jin right? He will accept the fact that Jin might be around from now on but that doesn’t mean he has to be nice to him. Ueda knows he is acting like a spoilt brat but he just got his heart broken okay. So give him some time.
After drying his hair and wrapping a towel around his waist Ueda is now determined to go out there and face them both. The only thing that he’s still uneasy about is how he should explain to Kame about Koki. Because he knows that he has to now. After the older man had tracked him down again this morning outside the combine where Jin saw him he knows that it is no longer safe for Kame.
Author: ismera91
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13 this chapter (NC-17 whole fic)
Genre: Romance, smut, angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to JE.....only the plot
Warnings: Language and possible rape scenes
Summary: Kame is a mess. He can't trust his own mind or body any more. For the first time in the last few years Kame is finally getting his life back on track. Until Jin decides to come home from America after 6 years and ruin everything. Kame's past comes back to haunt him worse than ever but this time he's not going down alone.
A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took way longer than the others. I actually finished it awhile ago but didn't have any time to post it. I guess I have been super busy lately and now that I'm about to go back to uni next week I will be even busier. BUT I promise to try and write as much as I can in my free time and post chapter's at least once a week (^_^). PS: I hope you like this chapter cause I really do.
Chapter 1/// Chapter 2/// Chapter 3/// Chapter 4///Chapter 5
You Stole My Heart
Chapter 6
Kame wakes with a splitting head ache as he slowly comes to his senses. He sits up as slowly as his dizzy head will let him, taking in the surroundings. For one slit second he thinks he is back in that room before he recognises the familiar walls and the familiar ceiling. This is Ueda’s room. Kame tries to take stock of how he is feeling. His whole body is aching, no doubt as a result of the mental and physical abuse his own subconscious dealt him last night. The lingering taste of bitter acid in his mouth reminds Kame of his early morning dash to the bathroom.
The bathroom………wait…………there was someone else with me last night………….someone who was……………..Kame has to do a frantic sweep of the room twice before he spots him………Jin.
Kame remembers everything. He remembers talking with Jin at the club, how he had apologised. How they had both found out that Kame’s own father had been lying to them this entire time. How he had got ridiculously drunk. How Jin had carried him home. How Jin had been there every time he woke up. How Jin had calmed him down with soothing words and gentle touches. How Jin had cradled him in the bathroom this morning. How Jin was there waiting beside him. How Jin is still there sleeping beside the bed right now.
Staring down at the other, Kame feels his heart suddenly beating faster, like it’s a trapped humming bird trying to escape from his chest
Looking at Jin’s sleeping face he tries to comprehend his feelings for this man. Last night he had taken care of him. He is not the first person to do so, but he is the first person Kame actually wanted to be taken care of by. In Jin’s arms he had felt safe. He had felt protected. He had felt like it might be possible to finally overcome his hurdles if only he remained by his side. Staring down at Jin, Kame realises how much he has changed him, in only this short amount of time. Kame has never wanted to be taken care of before. He has never let himself be touched by another. He has never given his absolute trust to someone like that before, not for a long time. Kazuya hasn’t trusted anyone, not even Ueda like this before. Not after what Koki had done. Not after Koki had destroyed his life and any last remanet of trust he had to give.
Kame had long ago given up on the fact that he could no longer trust his own body and mind. He had long ago given up on the fact that he would never be able to live a normal life. He had long ago given up on the fact that he can’t outrun his past no matter how fast he runs. Kame had long ago given up on life….given up on himself.
And now this man has returned after six years. How is it possible that just one person can have such a profound effect on him?
‘But it’s not just any person’ Kame’s subconscious says crawling out from its dark and dusty corner, ‘it’s Jin.’
Kame ignores the voice.
He doesn’t understand it at all. Why Jin makes him feel this way. It’s stupid! Besides the fact that their lives are so different, Jin being famous actor making his debut in Japan and Kame being a physically abused, mentally fucked up delusional university student, he has only seen this man 3 times in the last six years and all three of those times had been in the last two weeks! How can you have absolute faith and trust in someone you don’t even know?
‘But you do know him’ his sub conscious pipes up again. Kame thinks this through; it’s true that they knew each other when they where little but so much time has passed and so much has changed in his life. Kame can only expect that Jin’s life has changed to. As much as Kame would like it, he doesn’t think that they will ever be able to get back to where they were. Even though his heart and body have not forgotten a single thing about Jin and the way he makes him feel, his mind had long ago given up on the idea.
Kame notes the two Advil on the bedside table and takes them immediately. He would do anything to stop this pounding headache. As he lies down on the bed again he watches Jin’s slow breathing. Even if Kame doesn’t understand anything about Jin or the way he makes him feel, there is one thing Kame knows for sure. And that’s as much as he would like to deny it, the truth is he has been in love with this man since he was twelve years old and no matter how much time or distance they put between them, those feelings have always been there, just waiting for their chance to rear their ugly head and make Kame’s life more difficult than it already is.
He really is beautiful like this though, Kame thinks momentarily forgetting his troubles as he takes in Jin’s sleeping form.
‘It can’t be helped’ his subconscious says sounding extremely self satisfied at having made Kame finally acknowledge that his past feelings for Jin are still there.
‘Whatever’ Kame retorts back at himself imagining himself giving his subconscious a dirty look.
Kame feels totally exhausted….he has no energy anymore…especially not to fight with his own mind.
Kame lays back down on the bed, turning his head so that Jin remains in his view. In and ………………out…………in and…………….out………………..in and……………out. Kame’s exhaustion finally pulls him back under as his matches his slow and even breathing to Jin’s.
Jin wakes slowly as the events of last night creep back into his mind. After everything that had happened last night he had been exhausted. Ahhhh….he realises as his back gives him a sharp pain in protest. He must have fallen asleep like this leaning on the bed, so that he could be close to Kame in case he had another nightmare last night.
Kame!……Jin thinks waking up immediately at the thought of the younger man. He had been in so much pain last night that it broke Jin’s heart every time the younger screamed out in pain, every time he withered out in protest. Whatever had happened to his best friend has left a deep and dark scar on this boys mind, body and soul.
Jin takes in the sleeping boy in front of him. Like this, it is easy for Jin to forget the horrors that Kame was facing only a few hours before. Kame is lying on his side facing Jin as he sleeps peacefully. His dark hair is as wild as ever as it fans out across the pillow.
Jin notices the red welts on Kame’s arms and the scratch marks all over his chest. In an attempt to cool him down last night Jin had managed to strip Kame of his clothes, throwing the dripping wet material onto the floor. Apparently this had been a bad idea as Kazuya had managed to scratch himself raw during one of his night terrors. Jin could do nothing as the boy frantically clawed at his chest like he was trying to rip out his own heart.
Jin moves closer to the boy wanting to brush the hair back from his face, wanting to see his peaceful expression underneath. As he leans in closer he notices three faint lines crossing over the boy’s right wrist. These definitely weren’t caused last night, Jin thinks as he moves his hand towards the boys arm. Running his hand down the inside of the boys arm he notices that the lines are actually three thin horizontal scares each only a few centimetres apart. The first one, closest to his hand, is a dark brown while the one furthest is a light pink, most likely the newest Jin thinks. Jin can only imagine what had driven Kame to do this to himself, though after last night it doesn’t really take a genius to figure it out. Brushing his fingers over the light scares, Jin wonders if there are any on the boy’s other wrist as well, the one that is wrapped in plaster. Most likely, Jin sighs. Removing his hand from the others wrist he reaches forward again to brush the dark hair back from his face like he had originally intended.
As he is about to reach out and touch him, Kame suddenly moans. Jin retracts his hand fast, his heart pounding in his chest.
‘Humh’ Jin chuckles silently at his own reaction. His heart is pounding loud in his chest like he just got caught doing something he shouldn’t.
‘Well, I guess I probably was then’ Jin thinks, wondering if Kame would be okay with the way Jin was touching him.
‘I should let him sleep’ Jin muses as he gets up from the floor and leaves the room. After the night he had he deserves some good earned rest.
Moving into the kitchen Jin remembers how hungry he is when his stomach gives a loud groan.
‘mmmmm……’ Jin thinks ‘Breakfast sounds really good right about now.’ Even though it’s not his apartment, Jin doesn’t think Ueda will mind much if he cooks some breakfast for everyone. Standing in the kitchen, he takes a good look around. He has no idea where anything is let alone how to actually make something. Rice and toast is about the extent of his expertise and even then he manages to burn it half the time.
‘I’ll just go and by something’ Jin decides. By the time he comes back Kame might be awake and then Jin can force him to eat something too. He has a feeling that Kame is going to be feeling pretty horrible today. After all the alcohol and nightmares, it will be a miracle if he can even get out of bed.
Before leaving he decides to ask Ueda if he wants Jin to get him anything specific. Except Jin realises for the first time, he has no idea where Ueda is. If he and Kame where in the bedroom all night than it is only normal to presume that Ueda must have slept on the couch. Except Ueda is not here. There is no evidence to suggest that Ueda has even been sleeping in the lounge room at all. Jin is slightly concerned as he gets ready to leave, grabbing his wallet and shoes. Ueda is a grown man, he should be able to look after himself right? Maybe he just went out for a morning walk or something. Jin isn’t entirely convinced though as he remembers last night’s events, even though he hadn’t realised it then, Ueda’s behaviour had been really weird last night.
Though I don’t really think I’m in the best position to say when Ueda is actually weird or not. I don’t actually know him that well. Maybe that’s just how he always is, Jin decides as he opens the front door.
Quickly as not to waste any time, Jin crosses the corridor to his own apartment first so that he can take a super fast shower and get a change of clothes. After his 3 minute shower (literally 3 minutes) Jin feels like he has finally managed to scrub away some of last night’s memories. Seeing Kame screaming and withering in pain had been more than he could bear last night, right now Jin is only holding on by a thread.
At the combine Jin decides on some melon bread for himself and some chocolate chip melon bread for Kame. The last time Jin checked the boy loved anything that was remotely sweet or chocolate flavoured. He remembers how easy it always was to bribe Kame if you had a chocolate bar and a packet of pocky, especially if it was the one’s covered in almonds.
Jin heads over to the freezer section in an attempt to find himself some decent iced coffee and some kind of juice for Kame. Jin has a five minute debacle when he can’t decide if Kame would like apple and black current or just plain apple better. Unable to decide Jin takes both adding them to the basket. Before he reaches the counter Jin passes by the health section, tracing his steps back he grabs some more Advil (just in case Ueda has ran out) and a bottle of vitamin C tablets.
Are these good for hangovers? Jin thinks trying to recall what he usually does after a big night out. He usually just drinks a ton of coffee but for some reason he doesn’t think that Kame is the coffee type. And besides Jin wants to look after him today….to make sure that he’s okay.
I wonder if I should buy these for Kame?
The shop assistant seems to take pity on Jin after he’s been standing in the same spot for over 10minutes trying to decide if Vitamin C with added calcium is better than Vitamin C with added iron.
By the time Jin leaves the store he thinks he might as well just have brought everything.
‘I hope these things help Kame feel better’ Jin thinks as the automated glass doors slide open. As he steps out of the cool air-conditioned store and into the early morning heat Jin notices a familiar face across the road. It’s Ueda. Before Jin has a chance to call out to him he notices the other man he is standing with. There seems to be something faintly familiar about the other man but Jin doesn’t recognise him from this distance. The two of them seem to be arguing about something as Ueda suddenly pushes the man away from him and stalks off in the direction of their apartment. After staring after Ueda for a few seconds the other man seems to get the hint as he also walks away in the opposite direction as Ueda before he gets into the passenger side of a black sedan waiting by the curb.
‘Must be an ex-boyfriend’ Jin concludes
“Ueda” Jin calls out running across the busy on-coming traffic.
Ueda turns around staring at Jin in shock. He clearly hadn’t expected to see Jin here. Jin notices as he takes in Ueda’s appearance that he is still in the same clothes as last night. Jin gets the seeping suspicion that Ueda has been out all night. He must have gone out during the night without telling them. I wonder why?
“Ueda, who was that?” Jin decides to ask teasingly, thinking that honestly is the best policy. There is no point in pretending like he didn’t see them together.
‘None of your business’ Ueda replies coldly turning back around, heading for the apartment. Jin comes to a stop. That was not the reaction he was going for. Jin had only wanted to tease him a little. Is Ueda angry at him?
Jin runs to catch up to the other, pulling on his sleeve to make him turn around.
“What!” Ueda snaps
Jin is taken aback again. Something is wrong with Ueda.
“Nothing” he concedes thinking that it’s probably best not to stick his nose into other people’s business, especially when he doesn’t even know them that well.
Releasing Ueda’s sleeve, Jin continues to follow the other as he leads the way back to their apartment block. The silence between them grows heavier and heavier with every step as they get closer to their homes. Eventually Jin decides he can’t take it anymore as they reach the hallway leading to their apartments.
“I brought melon bread and iced coffee” Jin says with a teasing chin, hoping to lighten the mood, “I didn’t get you any because I didn’t know where you were but I will share mine with you if you ask nicely.”
Ueda only turns around to glare at Jin, like him just being there is a crime.
“waaa….why are you in such a bad mood this morning?” Jin wines pouting like a child. He doesn’t think he did anything to deserve this kind of treatment but if he did…putting on his cutest pouty face usually gets him out of all trouble.
“why are you in such a good mood!” Ueda says back, not letting Jin reply before continuing “no wait don’t tell me. I know exactly why”
Jin is confused. Has Ueda been drinking all night…what is he talking about…now that Jin thinks about it there is a distinct smell of alcohol wafting over from Ueda’s general direction.
“what is that supposed to mean?” Jin says genuinely confused even though it comes out as an accusation instead.
“Don’t play dumb. I saw you and Kame last night. You couldn’t keep your hands off him”
Ueda has definitely been drinking or something because this is making no sense.
“what……it wasn’t like that………last night was just-”
“Don’t even try to pretend. It’s clear you have feelings for him.” Ueda accuses his voice rising slightly.
“what!?” is all Jin can managed in his shocked state, his voice equally if not louder than Ueda’s.
“Jin it’s so obvious. The way you look at him…it’s like he is your most prized possession. I don’t even know why you’re trying to pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about”
Jin can only stand there, shock and disbelief written all over his face. Jin knows that what he always felt for Kame was stronger than friendship. To him he had always thought of Kame as a precious younger brother, one that needed to be protected and looked after at all costs. Kame had always been important to him but that was all it was right?...right!?
“When you said to me that what happened between us wasn’t going to happen again, I thought it was because you weren’t into men not because you were in love with Kame” Ueda continues sounding disgusted.
Under all his disgust and anger Jin recognises something else. Something that Ueda is desperately trying to hide. Hurt. So this is why Ueda is so upset…he is hurt that Jin spent all his time with Kame last night.
“wait….don’t tell me your in love with me” is the only conclusion that Jin can come up with.
“What! Of course not. I am not fucking in love with YOU” Ueda denies.
Jin is totally confused. If Ueda is not in love with him then why is he getting so upset over something that never even happened?
“Oh” is all Jin can manage as Ueda’s words finally sink in, “Does that mean you’re in love with-“
“Hey what are you guys arguing about out here?”
Jin and Ueda both freeze on the spot at the sound of the unexpected voice. Jin turns around ever so slowly to see Kame standing in the open doorway to Ueda’s apartment……..clearly haven just woken up and……………totally shirtless. Jin takes in the boys pale appearance and notices that the red welts on his chest are standing out even more in the natural lighting.
Jin turns back around to see Ueda equally as flustered by the boy’s appearance.
“Nothing, we were just discussing breakfast” Ueda replies with a light hearted smile, motioning to the bags in Jin’s hands “Jin only got two melon breads so we were fighting over who has to share.
“aghhh…..don’t even mention breakfast” Kame says clearly buying the lie. And if Jin didn’t know any better he would have believed Ueda too. Maybe the other has a hidden talent for acting.
As soon as Kame turns around and heads back into the apartment, Ueda shoots Jin a pointed stare clearly saying,
‘don’t you dare mention this to him’
Jin returns Ueda’s look with one of his own that clearly says
‘we will talk about this later’
They stand like this in the hallway for a few more minutes before Kame pops his head back out the door with a curious glance,
“aren’t you two going to come in?”
Both Jin and Ueda jump when they hear the boy’s voice again having forgotten that he was even there. Jin gives Kame a guilty smile before following the boy inside, closely followed by Ueda.
Inside it seems that Kame has managed to drag himself out of bed and commandeer the couch as he walks over to it and literally plops himself down face first.
“How are you feeling?” Ueda asks the boy making his way over to the couch while Jin heads for the kitchen.
“hmmm….” is all Jin manages to hear from the kitchen
“so pretty bad then”
Exiting from the kitchen Jin walks over to Kame. The boy is still laying face first on the couch, ignoring all of Ueda’s questions.
“Here, I know you’re probably feeling really sick right now but you should drink something at least” Jin says softly holding out the juice’s he brought from the store.
The boy turns around slowly, clearly trying to estimate how much effort it’s going to take to refuse Jin’s offer. In the end he sees to think it’s not worth it as he sits up slowly and takes one of the juices.
“Thanks”
“You’re welcome. I didn’t really know what type you liked so I got both” Jin says embarrassed at having gone a little over board.
“Thanks” the boy says again, giving Jin a tight smile, “My stomach doesn’t feel so good at the moment though so I don’t know if I’ll be able to drink it”
“That’s okay, I expected that. I also got you some Advil, Vitamin C, Vitamin D and some concoction the shop keeper said he swore by” Jin replies with an honest smile, hoping that some of these will indeed make Kame feel better.
Kame smiles up at Jin, a smirk lurking at the corners
“Thanks. But you didn’t have to buy the whole store” he teases
“aghh…now I think I’m the one who’s going to be sick” Ueda suddenly complains, like seeing Jin and Kame sitting there together should be against the law “I’m leaving”
“Ueda!” Kame says looking hurt “where are you going?”
“To have a shower. It is my apartment you know” he says like he is pointing out the obvious.
“oh okay then” the boy says clearly satisfied with the answer.
As he heads for the shower, Ueda tries to block out Kame and Jin’s chattering.
‘I can’t take this much longer’ Ueda thinks feeling like he’s being kicked out of his own home.
This is stupid I should just tell Jin to leave…..No, I can’t do that.
‘I don’t think I have ever seen him this happy’
Even though Kame surely has a terrible hang over today and his skin is deathly pale, there is something different about him. Something that seems to have made him glow from the inside out despite his horrendous night. And that stupid fucker Jin doesn’t even realise it. He doesn’t realise how rare Kame’s smiles are or how rare it is for Kame to even speak. Jin takes all of this for granted.
‘I can’t forgive someone like him’
Here he was thinking 24 hours ago that he and Jin could be really good friends when in reality Jin is just a stupid thick skulled moron who doesn’t even realise that he is in love with Kame.
‘I can never forgive someone like him’
Ueda turns on the hot water and steps under its spray.
By the time he finishes washing his hair, brushing his teeth and scrubbing his body clean of last night’s horrors, Ueda has well and truly conned himself into believing that his heart is not broken. That it’s not aching from the inside out. That it’s not about to explode at any second. Last night Ueda has been so hurt by what he saw that he had had to leave. He can’t really remember what happened after he left the apartment only that he woke up at 3.00am this morning in some stranger’s bed. The usual guilt raked his mind before he realised that it didn’t matter anymore. No matter how much time he spent looking after Kame, how much of his life he had given to the other, in the end he had chosen someone else. While he laid in the strangers bed he was overwhelmed with anger and not just at Jin. He was angry at himself too. For one split second Ueda had contemplated calling Kame and telling him what happened between him and Jin, telling him what kind of person Jin really was. But before he had even completed the thought he knew that he could never do something like that. No matter how much he hated Jin, he could never ruin the small ray of sunshine that Kame seems to have found in his life. Even though he chose someone else, Ueda is still his best friend.
Ueda had decided there and then that he would eventually get over this. That he would support Kame no matter what. What he didn’t bank on was the fact that Jin would turn out to be a total and utter moron. How can he not realise Kame’s feelings when they are staring him straight in the face? How can he not realise his own feelings at least? Is he seriously that oblivious or just thick skulled?
So during his half an hour shower Ueda had finally come to a decision. Just because he wants to support Kame doesn’t mean that he has to support Jin right? He will accept the fact that Jin might be around from now on but that doesn’t mean he has to be nice to him. Ueda knows he is acting like a spoilt brat but he just got his heart broken okay. So give him some time.
After drying his hair and wrapping a towel around his waist Ueda is now determined to go out there and face them both. The only thing that he’s still uneasy about is how he should explain to Kame about Koki. Because he knows that he has to now. After the older man had tracked him down again this morning outside the combine where Jin saw him he knows that it is no longer safe for Kame.