Title: Live Through This and You Won't Look Back
Rating: PG-13
Summary: All she knows is that she feels as though she is standing on the edge of a cliff knowing she is about to jump off. She will either fall or fly. She wants one last moment with her solid ground before she takes that leap.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost. At all. I wish, but alas...
Author's Note: Used for
au100, prompt #87: life. Set in the sideways-verse. This is one of the longest fics I've ever posted in one piece, coming in at just over 7,000 words. Just so you know what you're getting into.
Sun stands alone with her back against a wall and her eyes closed. They had taken Jin away to be interviewed separately and she had been told to wait in the hallway until they were ready to speak to her. No one is watching her, though, and she thinks that's odd. Maybe because she is so used to being watched. By Jin, her father, her mother...she had come to expect it, maybe.
She thinks about that woman and wonders how she might have known. Sun has always been very good at not allowing her face to betray her emotions, but all of the fear she had felt must have been written plainly across her face, because somehow the woman had known. She could be thankful, though, that she had waiting until Jin had been lead away to say so.
Sun realizes now that this had been a mistake. She had allowed a single moment of remembering the man her husband had been to overpower the years she had been forced to deal with the man that he is. He had been poisoned by her father; there was no coming back from it. She'd had her chance to run, and she had cowardly backed away out of a stupid, vain hope.
And now, she can't help but feel as though this is her second chance, her opportunity to make the right choice. She turns left, then right, and sees no one. She looks to the door that her husband had been lead through. She closes her eyes tightly again. Go, her brain screams. Stay, her heart counters. She has been placed in this position before - in the middle of a battle between her heart and her mind. Her heart believes Jin can still change, her mind knows he cannot. He has proven that time and again.
Her eyes open. If she leaves now, she will have nothing. No bag, no clothes but the ones on her back, no money to her name, and no husband. If she does leave now, she will have to quite literally leave it all behind. Can she do that? Can she really do that?
Down the hall, she hears footsteps. Her heart hammers in her chest. Another opportunity has come and gone. She curses herself, looking down the hallway to see two police officers hastily making their way past her and out another door back into the airport. Whoever they are looking for, it isn't her.
The door begins to close slowly and Sun walks over to it, sliding her hand in and stopping it. She looks through the thin opening and sees the bustling of hundreds of people coming and going from the airport. You will never get another chance like this one, says her mind. For once, her heart has no reply. It is too busy beating faster than it ever has before.
Sun takes one breath and pushes her way through the door. She sees the woman who had asked her to stand in the hallway and wait now speaking with the two police officers and looking at a piece of paper. Sun darts around a corner as fast as she possibly can, then breaks into a run even though she doesn't think anyone has seen her.
After a long while of turning down this way and that, going past gift shop after gift shop, she is reasonably certain that even if anyone were looking for her yet, she has turned herself around in so many circles that no one would know where to look. She leans against a pillar and looks up for some sort of sign that will tell her where she is - and more importantly where the exit is.
She doesn't find one so she turns around and directly into someone.
Falling she curses herself. This had been her chance and now she is going to be discovered.
"Are you okay?" a concerned voice asks. She looks up and sees someone in a pilot's uniform bending down to help her up. He doesn't look as if he knows her, or is looking for him. He gently takes hold of her arm and tries to help her up. She lets him. "Do you...speak English?” he asks, after a few moments. She realizes she had never answered his question and she nods.
"Yes," she answers. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he replies, letting go of her arm and picking up the handle of his own suitcase back up. "You lost?"
She looks at this man. He's relatively clean shaven. His hair is gray in some places, but a very dark brown in most. He seems concerned, more than likely because she isn't saying much, simply standing in the middle of an airport without a bag, in a city where she has never been before, looking panicked.
Is she lost? Yes, she thinks. Very much so.
"Yes," she says, nodding. "I believe so."
He considers her for a moment, then says, "Well, I'm coming off shift, why don't we walk out together?" She looks around, though she doesn't know why. Even when she gets outside the airport, she doesn't know where she will go. She has no money. Can she go with this man, who she has never met before? What is the alternative? Going out alone? Going back to the man she can no longer recognize who wears the face of the man she had once loved?
"Alright," she agrees.
He nods, smiling a little. "I'm Frank," he says.
She shakes his hand. "Sun," she replies.
"That's a nice name," he tells her as they begin to walk.
She actually manages to smile. "Thank you."
"So where are you headed to?"
Sun is a very good liar. She has been all of her life. As much as she would like to say otherwise, it comes quite easily to her. Which is why it surprises her that she cannot think of one now. Her brain feels blocked off and all that she can think to tell him is the truth. "I don't know."
He whistles. "Wow, you're really lost, then."
She nods. "Yes, I suppose I am."
They walk in silence until just outside the exit, when Frank stops her. She can feel the cool afternoon breeze coming in through the door and looks outside. The sun has never seemed brighter to her than it does now. She wonders why. She turns to Frank and he looks concerned once more.
"Sun, I know we just met but...you're in an airport, with no bag and no idea where you're going..." She waits as he seems to try to figure out the best way to continue. "Are you running away from someone?"
Again, frustratingly, all she can come up with is the truth. "I am."
Frank looks around them, then picks up his suitcase in one hand. "Alright," he says. He gestures toward the door. "Let's go." She wonders, where? But she follows him. Almost immediately they are nearly knocked over by a man screaming “stop” at a cab that is driving away. "Hey, watch it you jackass!" Frank yells after him. When it is clear to him that he has been ignored, he puts his hand on Sun's shoulder and they keep walking.
"You can trust me," he promises her as they walk. She decides that she can, for now. Had he not come along, she would very likely still be standing against that pillar, too scared to go one way or another. Back to Jin or out into a strange city alone.
They're nearly to the opposite end of the airport, near some parking garages, when Frank points across the street to a diner. "How about some lunch?" he asks. She smiles a little bit and nods.
"That would be nice," she replies.
*
Sun holds a cup of warm tea in-between her hands and lets out a long breath. She feels as though she has been holding it in ever since she had slid through that open door and begun running for her life. She had ordered the soup and Frank is having a sandwich and not much has been said. He doesn't know what to ask, and she doesn't know how much to reveal.
"Is it a guy?" he asks, after a while. "That you're running from?"
She looks at him from across the table and wonders yet again why she can't seem to lie to him. She has never considered the truth as anything but a last resort in this sort of situation. If she still had her bag, with all of her information in it, with at least a little bit of money, maybe none of this would be happening. She supposes, then, that it's all a matter of circumstances. She has nothing left but the truth - this is her last resort.
"My husband..." she begins, sighing. "He is not an evil man. Not really. But the things he does, the way he has changed...I can't bear to be with him anymore. If I could have left him any other way, I would have done so. But my father is powerful, and if Jin did not look for me, he would. If I have nothing, they have no way to find me. It is better that I be a single drop in a vast ocean. They will not find me now, because they'll have no idea where to look."
"So, wait a minute," Frank pushes aside his plate and looks at her in that same concerned way again. Only now, it is more acute than ever. His eyes are even a bit wide. "What you're saying is you just took off from this guy with nothing but the clothes on your back, you've got no money and you don't know where you're going?"
"Yes," she nods.
"Holy hell, lady, are you crazy?" he asks. "What if you hadn't run into me? There's crazy people out here."
"There are even crazier people back where I came from," she tells him. He leans back a bit. She wonders why he seems so worried for her. He doesn't even know her. Then she wonders why the idea of basic kindness had not occurred to her. Has she spent so much time among evil, selfish men that she can't recognize genuine, good men when she meets them?
"Okay." He nods a few times. "Okay, well at least let me put you up in a hotel, or something."
Sun shakes her head. "No, you don't need to do that."
"Well, what're you gonna do if I don't?"
She doesn't know. "I will think of something."
"Yeah, well, I don't know how well I'm gonna sleep tonight knowing that a woman who just ran away from her husband with no money and nowhere to go is somewhere out there alone."
"Frank, why are you so concerned for me?" she asks.
He looks at her very strangely. "I gotta have a reason, Sun?" He considers him. "Look, I get that you're probably burned from whatever's happened to you. And maybe you feel like you can't trust anyone, let alone some pilot you just happened to run into in an airport. But I don't believe in coincidences. I think I ran into you so I could help you. And maybe you ran into me so that you could get some help and see that some guys in this world are still good ones."
"You want to help me?" she asks. He nods. "You don't even know me."
He shrugs. "So?"
"Alright, Frank," she says, after a few moments of consideration. "I trust you."
*
Sun sits on the center of the hotel bed and looks out the window. It's a small, one-bedroom, one-bathroom but it's all that she needs until she figures out where she's going to go from here. The sun has gone down and she's looking out at lights speeding down the highway. Frank enters the room and the door clicks shut behind him. He sits down next to her on the bed and hands her a drink. It's a Pepsi from the vending machine down in the lobby. He rips open the plastic wrapping and hands her a Twinkie as well. She smiles.
"Have you been to LA before?" he asks.
She picks at the yellow, spongy cake and tears a bit of it off. "No," she answers, swallowing. "I went gone to New York a few times, when I was in college, but I have never been here before."
"I'm not sure which of the two you'd be worse off in," he jokes. She sips her soda and wonders about Jin. He surely knows she has gone now. She wonders what he is thinking, where he is looking for her? All of her possessions are with him, at the airport. He wouldn't know where to begin looking for her. She wonders if he has called her father yet. She thinks he will wait as long as he can to do that - the last thing he'll want to tell him is that he lost his daughter. Her father hates him enough already.
"There was never going to be a good time to do what I did," she thinks out loud.
"I suppose not," he replies. They finish their Twinkies and soda in silence.
"Look, I paid the room up for two weeks," he tells her, throwing the wrapping and empty bottles into the trash. She starts to object but he turns back to her and cuts her off. "What else was I supposed to do? You don't know where you are, let alone were you're going. I won't be able to sleep knowing you could be out there anywhere, with all of the creeps in this city."
Sun looks down and nods. "Thank you," she tells him. She doesn't entirely like this, but she supposes that she has no real reason to argue against his kindness. And in any case, what else could she possibly do? Once the shock wears off and reality begins to set its full weight on her, she would come to realize she has no plan and no money, and panic. This way, at least she has time to get at least one - preferably both.
"No problem," he answers. "Really."
She signs and leans with her back against the backboard of the bed. Frank sits down on the edge again. "You remember back at the diner when I said I didn't believe in coincidences?" he asks. She nods. "Well, before I bumped into you, I just came off of a long flight, the kind of long flight I've been flying for months now. I'm on a vacation. So, for two weeks I don't have anywhere to be, and you don't have anywhere to go. So, I'm asking you...before I've gotta start working again and take off to...Guam, or where ever they're sending me, let me help you figure out where you're going and help you put together some money so that I can at least walk back outta your life knowing for sure you'll be okay when I do."
"You would do that for me?" she asks.
He nods. "Absolutely," he tells her.
She shifts her body around so that she is sitting up in the center of the bed again. She looks at him for a long while, directly into his eyes. She considers coincidences. Of all of the people she could have walked directly into at that exact moment, how many of them would she have ended up at this moment with? How many people would be willing to put her up in a hotel and dedicate two weeks out of their time to make sure that she will be okay? The possibility of coming to this moment, sitting in this room with anyone but Frank is so mind-bogglingly small that she cannot help but think that maybe he is right. Maybe everything does happen for a reason. Maybe there are no coincidences.
She reaches out and wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him close. "Thank you," she says. He chuckles a little and hugs her back.
"Don't worry about it," he tells her. She pulls back and he stands.
"I've been all over you all day now, so maybe I should take off and let you get settled," he says. As much as she doesn't really want to be alone right now, she agrees. It will be easier for her to get things straight in her mind if she is alone. "But can I check back in here with you tomorrow?"
She nods, picking up the spare key card to the room off of the bedside table and handing it to him. "Of course," she says. He hesitates a moment.
"Are you sure?" he asks, making it clear he isn't going to take it from her until she says 'yes'.
"Yes," she nods.
He takes the card from her gently and nods back. "Okay," he says. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Yes."
"Good. Sleep tight."
"Thank you."
"Goodnight, Sun," he waves from the door.
She smiles, maybe even giggles a little bit. "Goodnight, Frank," she replies, and he slips out the door. When she hears it click shut she lets her body fall down against the bed. As she stares up at the ceiling the whole day begins to hit her at once. Now that she is alone, she can't keep it back anymore.
She had done it. She had run away from Jin, her husband, who she had loved and married, who she had once not been able to imagine a single day without. She turned on her side, gripped one of the pillows tightly in her hand, and screamed into it. It's all done, all over. She will never see him again. She screams and cries into the pillow. She curses herself, and him, and her father for good measure. She curses everything that had brought her to this point, and wept for everything that she has left behind.
Frank's words echo in her head. You lost?
Yes, she is lost. She has never been so lost.
*
In the morning, Sun goes for a walk. Not very far, just around the hotel. She wishes she had another shirt, just one, because there's a chill morning breeze and she would give anything to be rid of this damn sweater. She finds herself having to pull it more tightly around herself, much to her annoyance.
It is beautiful, though. The silence is more pronounced to her. When she was with Jin, silence meant something. It was implicit of something much larger. Now, silence means nothing. It just is. She enjoys that. She wonders how much she will enjoy it when she begins to miss the life she had before. She isn't naïve. She knows it will come.
She crosses her arms over her chest as she walks down the hall back to her room. She tries not to feel lonely, but she is.
When she turns the corner, she sees Frank down the hall knocking on her door. He looks worried; she wonders if he's stopped looking worried since he met her. She'd like to see him laugh or smile or something other than look concerned for her.
"Frank," she calls for his attention. He looks down the hall at her, relieved.
"There you are," he says. "You weren't answering and I was starting to get worried."
"Don't you have the key?" she asks. She remembers giving it to him.
He pulls the square card from his pocket, but shrugs. "It didn't feel right." She smiles a little. He's trying to be gentlemanly. She appreciates that. She pulls her own key from her pocket, opens the door, and invites him in.
"Have you been up long?" he asks her, standing a bit awkwardly near the door. It occurs to her then that they are virtual strangers brought loosely together under very strange circumstances, so it does make a good deal of sense that he wouldn't exactly understand how to carry himself. Nevertheless, she wishes he would sit down. It would be more comfortable for him, and for her as well.
"Did you get any sleep?" she asks, smiling, more as a joke than anything. From looking at him, it seems likely that he didn't.
"Not much, no," he admits, with a chuckle.
"I haven't been up very long," Sun tells him. The standing is getting to be too much for her. She gestures to a chair and says, "Please sit down."
He does, pulling the chair a bit closer to the bed she's sitting on and facing her. She begins to think about how she got here to this moment. Not one day ago her whole life her been different; she had walked away with nothing but the clothes on her back and right into Frank.
And now here they are. She's surrounded by his act of kindness, his generosity and concern. Everything has changed for her in so short a time. It amazes her that life can do that.
"Look, Sun, I know we don't know each other...at all, really, but I just want to make sure you're okay."
She nods. "I know," she says. "I appreciate that. I wish that I knew what I was going to do now."
"What do you want to do?"
She wonders. What does she want to do? She has thought about what she can do but not what she wants to do. If she could do anything, what would it be? All she can think is, "I don't know."
"Sure you do," Frank says, assuredly. She frowns, confused. "Everybody's got something they wanna do. Something crazy or something downright boring, but something. It doesn't matter if you're going to, the point is that you want it. I haven't known you long, Sun, but I know there has to be something you want. You have to have some idea."
She thinks. "I was happy in school," she eventually says. "My Mother wanted me to marry, but I wanted an education. I loved to learn." She shook her head at the memories, but there was a fond smile on her face. "I haven't used my degree, but...I was happy then." She finds it a bit sad that it's been so long since she's thought about any of this. "I've always loved art."
There's a long silence in which Sun takes many deep breaths, surprised that so much had flowed out of her. Frank smiles at her in what she thinks may be admiration. "See," he says. "You've got some ideas."
Sun shakes her head. Ideas are one thing, but without money, with an identity...what does any idea matter? "My husband will look for me, and if it comes to that, so will my father," she tells Frank. "He is a very powerful man. If I intend to hide from them for the rest of my life, I will have to abandon my past, my name, everything. I will have nothing."
He considers that, but shakes his head. "You have me," he replies. She looks at him strangely. She thinks that is a very odd thing to say. The idea would never have occurred to her.
"Frank, you barely know me," she points out.
He shrugs. "I know you like art," he answers. "I know all the men in your life have been jerks. I know you've got a good shot at a clean slate in life if you've got someone to give you a little help along the way." He pauses and smiles at her. "You've got me."
She thinks for a long time about what to say, but words keep slipping through her fingers. "I don't know what to say."
"Can I ask you a question, Sun?"
She nods. "Of course."
"Right now, right this second, what do you want to do?"
"What do you mean?" she asks, confused.
"Look, I don't mean to be clichéd here or anything, but you're living the first day of the rest of your life stuck up in a hotel room. You wanted freedom and you've got it. So, right now at this moment, what do you want to do?"
In all honesty, she actually knows exactly what she wants to do. She stands up from the bed, pulls off her sweater, and throws it violently into the trash can. She breaths heavily, staring at that ugly brown mess of fabric. She shakes her head, clearing it, and looks at Frank. He seems a bit startled, but he's smiling.
"I really hate that sweater," she tells him. There is a much deeper meaning, and she thinks he knows that. But he doesn't ask, and she doesn't tell. She has shared much with him, but this is something that she would prefer to keep private. She sits back down on the bed. She's a bit cold now, but also rejuvenated. There was so much weight on that damn sweater. If she never sees it again, it will be too soon.
"Sun," Frank says. She looks over at him. "I have an idea."
"About what?"
"How would you like to go somewhere with me?"
She looks at him sideways. "Where?"
"It's a surprise."
She has to stop to consider it for a moment, but she thinks that Frank has yet to steer her wrong. So she replies, "I would love to."
*
"So..." Frank says. Sun looks up from her ice cream. She must admit, she still doesn't know what to make of it. Not the place itself, so much as Frank. As about what him taking her there had meant. "What'd you think?"
Sun shakes her head. As confused as she is, she can't keep the amazed smile from her face. "It was amazing," she tells him. Frank smiles at her and eats his own ice cream. They're sitting outside of an ice cream parlor near the hotel. They had just spent the last two hours at the Los Angeles Museum of Art. The whole ride there, Frank had refused to tell her where they were going. The surprised look on her face had made him smile such a wide smile.
"I thought it might cheer you up," he says. She smiles and nods.
"It did." Very much so.
"Look, I know you're probably a bit freaked out right now, but I figured that...maybe I could show you around the city a little bit, so you at least know where you are." She smiles over the top of the ice cream in her bowl.
"That would be nice," she answers. "Though, I don't know how long I can stay here before moving on."
Frank nods a few times and says, "Sure, but in the meantime..."
"Yes, that's probably a good idea," she agrees.
So, they take a walk, and Frank points out a few landmarks to her, some of his favorite restaurants, and tells her the places to avoid if she ever has the chance to. As they walk, he does most of the talking, and she listens. But mostly she watches him as he gestures and talks. He looks happy. He seems to come alive, to relax in a way that he hasn't been since they met. He seems to have finally begun to feel more comfortable around her. She's very thankful for that. It makes it easier for her to relax.
"What?" he asks, with a chuckle, when he notices her looking wistfully into the distance and smiling. Normally she would be embarrassed at being caught, but they're both in such a comfortable state that she doesn't. She just shakes her head and shrugs.
"Nothing," she says. "It's just...it's been a long time since I just...walked with someone and enjoyed their company."
"Well, that's a damn shame," he replied.
She nodded. "I suppose it is."
They start to make their way back to where Frank had parked his car and he keeps looking at her, then glancing away. She waits for him to figure out what he wants to say without pressing him. "Sun," he says. "Would you be insulted if I tried to get you a job?"
She looks over at him, a bit confused. "At the airport?" she asks. She doubts that's a good idea. Working in the very place where she left her old life (and her husband) behind was not a very good way to begin a new life - or to avoid being found.
"No," Frank shook his head. "No, I...I have this idea. I haven't looked into it yet, so I don't wanna...tell you too much, but I just wanted to check with you first, to see if it was okay if I looked into it."
"What would I be doing?"
Frank sighs and runs a hand through his hair. They come to the car and he leans against it. "My sister owns an art gallery," he tells her. Sun has to admit, that surprises her. Frank shrugs. "Maybe you met me for more than one reason after all."
Sun shakes her head. "Frank, you're already doing enough for me. This is too much."
"Why?" he asks. She tries to think of something to say, but words seem to be slipping through her fingers. "Just, let me give it a try? Please? You don't have to take it, but...I wanna try and give you the option."
With a deep breath she turns and shakes her head. She runs her hand through her hair and tries to think. She has trusted Frank this far, and his kindness has given her solid ground. Where would she be right now if not for him? Is it really too much, then, to allow him to help her just a little bit more? And if not, what will she do instead?
"Alright," she agrees.
He nods. "Thank you."
"Thank me?" she asks, chuckling as he opens the door of the car to let her inside. "You're thanking me for allowing you to help me get a job?" He smiles a sideways smile at her and she can't help but laugh. "Thank you, Frank," she tells him, sincerely. "Thank you for everything that you're doing."
He looks her in the eyes and says, "My pleasure."
She tilts her head a bit. "Really?" she asks.
He nods. "Really."
*
The next four days are uneventful. Frank calls every day to check in on her, but she has spent most of her time alone. Truth be told, she's enjoying it. It has been a long time since she's had this amount of time all to herself. She has taken long walks, watched television, and read a book that she bought in the hotel gift shop. It isn't very good, but it passes the time.
Mostly, she thinks. She thinks about what it would have been like if she had stayed with Jin, if she hadn't run out of the airport without giving herself any time to think. Mostly, it's a wasted effort, but it helps her put things in perspective. If she had stayed with Jin, she would have no doubt returned home to the very same gilded cage she had longed to fly away from. Yes, she would have so many more things, but she would lose what she had now: freedom. And, in the end, that was what matters the most to her anyway.
And she thinks about Frank too. She thinks about all that he has done, and is doing for her. She thinks about whether or not he will be able to get her that job, and if he does, will she take it? Does she have any other options? What is keeping her from accepting his latest act of kindness. Is it pride? Is it fear? She has to admit, beginning a new life will mean that her old one will be forever out of reach. There will be no going back. It's a bit of a terrifying prospect.
A knock comes at her door on the fifth day, and she feels a knot of fear in her chest. There is a slim chance that it's anyone other than Frank on the other side, but she's still on edge. But she looks out through the peep-hole and it's Frank. She breaths easier, and opens the door.
"Hello," she says.
"Hey," he replies. "I've got good news." She closes the door, and leans against it. "I talked to my sister and she said that any friend of mine was a friend of hers - yes, she actually said that - and she'd be more than happy to start you off at her gallery." Even after all of the time she's spent thinking about this, the truth is, she wasn't prepared for the it becoming a reality. So she doesn't know what to say.
"Where is it?" Sun asks, after a while, because it's the only thing she can think of.
"That's the thing," Frank says. Sun frowns and shakes her head, confused. "It's in New York."
Sun's eyes widen. But...not for the reason she would have expected. "You mean...it's across the country."
Frank nods. "I know, I know, but I figured that out too," he assures her, totally missing what she's actually talking about. But why would he see it? "Another pilot friend of mine is gonna lend me his plane, and I'm gonna fly you out there. It'll be a long flight, but it'll be fine." Sun walks across the room and sits down on the bed near where Frank is standing while he goes on. "I set everything up so that you'll have a job and a room with my sister until you get on your feet." He sits down on the bed next to her and looks her in the eyes with a smile. "It's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine."
There's a long silence where Sun tries to gather her words, but instead she ends up crying. Frank looks at her, trying to gauge how to react or what to say. His hands hover around her arms, trying to figure out if he should comfort her or leave her alone, but she makes the decision for him and wraps her arms around his neck, crying onto his shoulder. She feels his hands on her back, rubbing up and down, trying to soothe her.
"Hey," he says. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to take it if you don't want to." She shakes her head.
"That's not it," she tells him. "That's not it."
"Alright. Okay." She keeps crying and he rocks her a bit, trying to help her. She wipes her face with the back of her hand and pulls back, sitting up straight and trying to get control of herself. She must look like such a mess, and he must be so confused. She could hardly blame him.
"It's not about the job," she says. "I'm so grateful for all that you've done for me, and it's such a wonderful offer. I wouldn't even know what I would have done if I hadn't met you." That makes her start crying again. Frank reaches out and holds onto her arms, to steady her. She takes a deep breath and looks up at him. "I...I have to do this. I have to have a job and begin my new life as a new person. But..." She hangs her head and her hair falls down, obscuring her face. "It's so stupid."
"Hey, no," he reassures her. "No, I'm sure it's not." He tries to get her to look at him, but she just can't. He slides his hands underneath her hair and lifts her head so that he's looking right in her eyes. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise."
She rolls her head to the side and closes her eyes. Frank waits. She opens her eyes again and looks at him. "I can't imagine leaving you," she tells him. She really can't. It's so ridiculous; they haven't known each other long enough for her to say something like that and mean it. But she does. She really can't imagine going across the country and being that far away from him.
Frank's face softens and he pulls her into his arms again. She holds on tight to his neck, and he has his hand in her hair. They sit like that for a long while, then he says, "I can't either." She pulls back and looks at him, but keeps her hands on his shoulders, and he keeps his hand in his hair. "Look, Sun, I know it's nuts and we haven't known each other that long, but knowing you might not be around...sucks. I wish you could say here and...live in this hotel and we could talk every day and I could come over and see you whenever I want." She nods along, because she wishes for all of those things too. "But I think you have to do this. I think we met so you could do this, so you could have your new life." He shakes his head. "Sun, you've gotta do this."
She closes her eyes and tears fall down her face. She nods. "I know." When she opens her eyes, she sees him nodding. She sees it now, the sadness and maybe even disappointment etched across his face. She had been so wrapped up in her own that she hadn't noticed.
The realization that they've been staring at each other for a long time now hits her a few seconds before he kisses her. It all moves in slow motion at first. She feels his hands move down to the back of her neck, and she feels herself being pulled closer, and she lets herself go. She hasn't kissed another man in a long time. Frank has much more stubble than Jin ever did. She wonders if he took the time to shave as he was putting together all of this for her the past few days. It doesn't seem like it.
He pulls away pretty fast, though. "Jesus, I can't believe I did that," he says in a rushed tone of voice, as if he thinks she's going to slap him. "I'm sor-" She shakes her head and pulls him back, kissing him quiet. There's something so freeing, so easy about this, about holding him in her arms, and being held in his. She feels a fire inside of her that she had thought had gone out for good a long time ago.
"Sun-"
"Stop," she tells him. "Whatever you're going to say - don't."
"Okay," he says, and keeps kissing her. "Okay."
She had never expected this, she would never have even thought it was possible less than a week ago. But she had never counted on Frank either. Ever since she had run into him, there has been one surprise after another, but this is the biggest. She had abandoned everything about her life for the promise of a new one, and no she's abandoning herself to the moment. For the first time in a very long time, she is completely and totally free. And it's all because of Frank.
It's been such a short time, but meeting him has already been one of the best things that has ever happened to her.
*
"So," Frank says.
Sun nods. They're standing in front of the small gallery owned by his sister. It's quaint and lovely and the art excites Sun. She's been away from it for so long, too long, and she's eager to start work. Frank's sister is a kind woman who had welcomed her with open arms and understanding.
She was all set up, with a job and a place to live and even a few changes of clothes. She was all ready to start her new life.
It was coming on two weeks to the day since she had first crashed into Frank and into his life. Which meant that he needed to go back to Los Angeles and back to work. They were standing in front of the gallery knowing that this was it. He had to leave, and she had to stay.
They had to say goodbye.
"I'll call you as soon as I get back to LA," he tells her.
"Please do," she says, nodding. "Please call whenever you want."
"Back at you," he says.
"We'll see each other again," she tells him, but it's more of a question, more her seeking reassurance than anything. She needs to know he will come back at some point.
"You're staying with my sister, of course we will," he replies. She nods. She wishes she weren't so terrified, but she is. She's about to begin a new life, in a city she hasn't been in for a while, and all without the man who had made it possible, who she had become so accustomed to having around. And she is consumed by how much she wants to kiss him.
"Thank you, Frank," she says, sincerely. "Thank you for everything that you've done for me."
He shakes his head. "You never have to thank me for that, Sun," he tells her. He looks at his watch and shakes his head. "I gotta go," he says, almost angrily. He looks at her and she stares back at him. She doesn't want him to, but she knows he has to.
"Be safe."
"You too."
She can no longer stand the tightness in her chest, so she kisses him. She kisses him like she will never be able to do it again, because she doesn't know if she will. All she knows is that she feels as though she is standing on the edge of a cliff knowing she is about to jump off. She will either fall or fly. She wants one last moment with her solid ground before she takes that leap.
"I'm glad I met you, Sun," he tells her when he pulls back. Her body is still pressed very tightly against his. She rests her head against his shoulder and takes a long, deep breath.
"You have no idea how glad I am that I met you," she replies. She looks up at him. "Please, come back as soon as you can."
He nods. "Bet on it."
She gently and slowly leans away and takes a step back, and so does he. He keeps taking a step back, then another, all the while looking at her. "I'll talk to you later," he promises again.
"I'll be waiting," she replies.
He smiles at her one last time. She watches him hail a cab and get inside, beginning his trip back to the airport. She stands outside of the gallery doors, watching until the cab disappears around a corner. Maybe everything does happen for a reason. Maybe people come into your life to get you were you need to be. Sun knows now that that's true of Frank. He's given her so much, and all that she can really ask of him is to stay around, to be in her life now that she can't imagine it without him.
"Here it goes," she whispers. She closes her eyes and takes a long, deep breath. This is it; it's time to take that leap. With a resolute nod, she turns walks through the front doors of the gallery, and into her new life.