Fic: The Black King and the White Queen (13/14) (Ben/Sun)
Title: The Black King and the White Queen
Rating: R
Summary: For better or worse - in this case much worse - she is the Queen. She turns to Ben, the King, Sayid, the Knight, and says, "I'm ready."
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost. At all. I wish, but alas...
Author's Note: For eponine119 and lenina20, for the idea and the encouragement respectively. Used for au100, prompt #049: Queen.
Previous Parts: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | Part Twelve
"I would like to repeat that this is extraordinarily stupid," Sayid said. Sun has begun to treat him as white noise at this point. He isn't saying anything that will change her mind; in fact, he isn't saying anything besides that what they are doing is terribly dangerous and will more than likely kill them all. Ben doesn't show any indication that he cares and neither does Sun.
"You don't have to come, then," Ben tells him, none too nicely or gently. "Sun and I have been getting along fine without you up until this point."
Sun turns around at that and gives him a warning glance. "Ben, we were almost killed twice and my skull has been cracked open," she tells him. "Sayid, I understand your concerns and I don't care. Ben may be rude but he isn't wrong. You don't have to come with us."
Sayid leans back against the wall of the motel room they've rented. He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, taking a long moment to stare at nothing and think. Sun goes along, packing her gun as if this is any other day, as if she will be going after any other person on the list. She tells herself she is; it's just the man at the top of the list. The King.
She thinks about that metaphor, that way she's always chosen to think of the people that she has killed over the last year. Pawns, rooks, knights. It's easier to think of them as pieces on a game board than as her murder victims. Than as someone elses' husbands, fathers, friends. Is she really so much better than Charles Widmore? Doesn't she have the same ruthless ambition? Or Ben? Doesn't she have the same murder in her heart?
"Are we really any better than he is?" Sun asks from the bed she's now sitting on. Ben and Sayid look at her, questioningly. "We're all murderers." Sayid looks down at the floor and Ben studies her.
After a long while, he says, "None of this would have happened if he hadn't changed the rules."
Sun shakes her head. "What the hell does that even mean?"
"You said you didn't care," Ben reminds her. She stands up and glares at him. She doesn't need this now, him holding out on her and playing head-games, keeping the ball in his court so he can always be too steps ahead of everyone. It's very near the end and Sun can't stand it anymore.
"God damn it, Ben!" she shouts. "You cannot stand there and say things like that and expect them to mean anything to me. You cannot refuse to tell me things, either because I didn't ask you or you don't want to tell me so that you have all of the power! Is this really all about some stupid island that you and this murdering son of a bitch are fighting over? Is this what my husband died for?!"
He tries to interrupt, "Sun-"
"I'm tired, Ben," she tells him. "I'm tired of listening to you. I'm tired of you being so blindingly in love with me one minute, and then shutting me out the next and expecting me to follow you. My husband died for this, your daughter, your wife," she gestures to Sayid. "But is this really the way to honor them? Is this even about them? Or are we so impotent in our grief that we've turned ourselves into murderers out of it? Do we even have souls anymore? And if not, how are we not just like him?!"
Her angry words echo in the silent space between all of them. Ben and Sayid look at her with questioning, contemplative glances. She doesn't know whether they are actually taking her words to heart or pitying her in her crisis of conscience.
"My daughter died in front of my eyes, Sun," Ben tells her. There are very few words capable of making her instantly nauseated, but those most certainly are. She looks at him, but he won't look at her. It's like he can't say the words and look her in the eyes at the same time; she can't say that she blames him for that. "I was...I was standing right there. I watched when they shot her..." He stops. Sun closes her eyes to stop herself from crying. She didn't know the girl, but the image in her head is horrific. "I lost my soul then."
He sits next to her on the bed, sighing. She looks at him and this time, he does look at her. "I don't claim to be better than him," he says. "But you are. You're better than all of this. And I have used you, for myself, to get what I wanted...to kill all those people so I could get to Charles in the end. I can't say this about many things in my life, but I would take it back if I could."
"Because you love me, or because it would be the right thing to do?" It would have been. It would have been the right thing to let her quest for vengeance die out, to let her give up and never dangle the hope in front of her face when she was torn apart inside. It would have been right to never ask her a question that he knew she couldn't say no to before she could understand how much of herself she would end up having to give away to the darkness.
"Because I love you," is his answer, though. And she had known it would be.
"Sun, if you can't do this..."
She shakes her head. "What does it matter?" she says, her voice as vacant as she feels. "Maybe I'm no better than he is...maybe none of us are. But the things he stole from us can never be returned. The pain he caused us can never be erased because every day for the rest of our lives we will wake up without the things we loved most in the world and know they are gone because of him. If the families of the people that I have killed wish vengeance upon me, I cannot say that I blame them. But I have not come this far to walk away because I'm no better than the man that killed my husband. Maybe I always knew one day I wouldn't be."
"Sun," Sayid says, after a long silence on his part. She turns to him. "Are you sure you want to do this?" She looks at him, this man who shares her fate. This man who lost his spouse, the one he had loved and married and hoped one day to have a family with. The man who's had taken from him the person whom he planned to spend his life with. She sees herself reflected in his eyes, all of the pain that flows through her as it flows through him.
They are three broken people whose hearts and souls crumbled into dust a very long time ago. If wishing made it so, she would go back and do it all differently. If wishing made it so, she would never allow Jin to become involved in her father's business and run away with him to America, where her father could look but would never find them. If wishing made it so...
"Yes," she says. She doesn't have to see herself to know there is nothing in her eyes. No fear, no grief, no doubt. Nothing. Because there is nothing in her heart. Not anymore. The bitter taste that fact had left in her mouth is gone now. She's accepted that she is what she is now. For better or worse - in this case much worse - she is the Queen. She turns to Ben, the King, Sayid, the Knight, and says, "I'm ready."
*
They don't have a real plan. They aren't stupid enough to barge into Charles Widmore's office and start firing their guns and hope not to get caught in the crossfire. The irony is not lost on Sun that they've had such more concrete plans for people who mattered so much less by comparison.
"The helicopter is too conspicuous," Ben had told them, and they had agreed. Sayid had suggest entering through the back of the building and walking all the way up the stairwell. Sun and Ben had been wary of that at first, but decided it was their best shot at not being discovered when it still mattered.
They are standing at the back door now, Ben glancing around and Sayid picking the lock like he has done it before - they probably all have - until the door clicks open. "That was absurdly easy," Sun comments.
Sayid opens the door by a crack and looks inside. He turns back to her and Ben. "Camera," he tells them. Sun sighs. They don't have time to disable the cameras, and as it stands, they're in danger of someone coming around the corner and seeing them all lurking outside of the once locked back door.
"How can we disable it?" Sun asks, because she has no idea. Sayid shakes his head, struggling to come up with an answer himself. There is a short pause before Ben calls attention to himself by sighing and closing his eyes. Sun looks at him quizzically and he looks her straight in the eye.
"I know what to do," he tells them, pulling the gun from around his back. "When you hear a second gunshot, go." Ben tries to push Sayid out of the way and get through the door, but Sun pulls on his arm and jerks him back. Her eyes are wide and she has absolutely no idea what is going on, but she knows it's scaring the hell out of her.
"What are you talking about?" she demands.
"I have a plan, Sun," he tells her. "You know me. I always have a plan."
He tries to leave again. She pulls him back again. "Ben-"
"Trust me," he says. She opens her mouth a bit at that. Does she trust him? Could she ever? "I haven't given you any reason to up until now, but I know what I'm doing. I'll get you to him, Sun. Just trust me this once."
Sun looks to Sayid, who doesn't seem to know what to make of Ben either, but gives her a look that seems to tell her that the matter is up to her. She looks back to Ben, who puts his hand on her face and holds her cheek. She closes her eyes for a second, then looks at him. "Go," she tells him. She doesn't know what the hell he's going to do on the other side of the door, but she's wasting their time standing around talking about it.
He kisses her, walks through the door with purpose, and shoots out the security camera.
Sun jumps and Sayid puts his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. He holds the door partway open and they hear the echo of another door opening. Sun takes a moment to recover from the suddenness and the shock and realizes he's walking into the lobby. He's drawing the security to him and away from the monitors. She closes her eyes and exhales a painful breath.
He's going to be killed.
"Oh my God," she whispers, sharply. Sayid doesn't say anything, and when she turns to him she sees him watching through the crack in the door and listening intently. Sun bites her lip and waits.
"When the second shot is fired," he whispers to her. "We run. And we don't stop." She nods. She understands. This is their one chance. She'll run up until her legs fall off if that is what she has to do.
They wait and wait and wait as the world stands still around them. The second shot seems to split the air like a bolt of lightning. Sayid jerks the door open. Sun takes a deep breath and runs.
Part Fourteen
Rating: R
Summary: For better or worse - in this case much worse - she is the Queen. She turns to Ben, the King, Sayid, the Knight, and says, "I'm ready."
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost. At all. I wish, but alas...
Author's Note: For eponine119 and lenina20, for the idea and the encouragement respectively. Used for au100, prompt #049: Queen.
Previous Parts: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | Part Twelve
"I would like to repeat that this is extraordinarily stupid," Sayid said. Sun has begun to treat him as white noise at this point. He isn't saying anything that will change her mind; in fact, he isn't saying anything besides that what they are doing is terribly dangerous and will more than likely kill them all. Ben doesn't show any indication that he cares and neither does Sun.
"You don't have to come, then," Ben tells him, none too nicely or gently. "Sun and I have been getting along fine without you up until this point."
Sun turns around at that and gives him a warning glance. "Ben, we were almost killed twice and my skull has been cracked open," she tells him. "Sayid, I understand your concerns and I don't care. Ben may be rude but he isn't wrong. You don't have to come with us."
Sayid leans back against the wall of the motel room they've rented. He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, taking a long moment to stare at nothing and think. Sun goes along, packing her gun as if this is any other day, as if she will be going after any other person on the list. She tells herself she is; it's just the man at the top of the list. The King.
She thinks about that metaphor, that way she's always chosen to think of the people that she has killed over the last year. Pawns, rooks, knights. It's easier to think of them as pieces on a game board than as her murder victims. Than as someone elses' husbands, fathers, friends. Is she really so much better than Charles Widmore? Doesn't she have the same ruthless ambition? Or Ben? Doesn't she have the same murder in her heart?
"Are we really any better than he is?" Sun asks from the bed she's now sitting on. Ben and Sayid look at her, questioningly. "We're all murderers." Sayid looks down at the floor and Ben studies her.
After a long while, he says, "None of this would have happened if he hadn't changed the rules."
Sun shakes her head. "What the hell does that even mean?"
"You said you didn't care," Ben reminds her. She stands up and glares at him. She doesn't need this now, him holding out on her and playing head-games, keeping the ball in his court so he can always be too steps ahead of everyone. It's very near the end and Sun can't stand it anymore.
"God damn it, Ben!" she shouts. "You cannot stand there and say things like that and expect them to mean anything to me. You cannot refuse to tell me things, either because I didn't ask you or you don't want to tell me so that you have all of the power! Is this really all about some stupid island that you and this murdering son of a bitch are fighting over? Is this what my husband died for?!"
He tries to interrupt, "Sun-"
"I'm tired, Ben," she tells him. "I'm tired of listening to you. I'm tired of you being so blindingly in love with me one minute, and then shutting me out the next and expecting me to follow you. My husband died for this, your daughter, your wife," she gestures to Sayid. "But is this really the way to honor them? Is this even about them? Or are we so impotent in our grief that we've turned ourselves into murderers out of it? Do we even have souls anymore? And if not, how are we not just like him?!"
Her angry words echo in the silent space between all of them. Ben and Sayid look at her with questioning, contemplative glances. She doesn't know whether they are actually taking her words to heart or pitying her in her crisis of conscience.
"My daughter died in front of my eyes, Sun," Ben tells her. There are very few words capable of making her instantly nauseated, but those most certainly are. She looks at him, but he won't look at her. It's like he can't say the words and look her in the eyes at the same time; she can't say that she blames him for that. "I was...I was standing right there. I watched when they shot her..." He stops. Sun closes her eyes to stop herself from crying. She didn't know the girl, but the image in her head is horrific. "I lost my soul then."
He sits next to her on the bed, sighing. She looks at him and this time, he does look at her. "I don't claim to be better than him," he says. "But you are. You're better than all of this. And I have used you, for myself, to get what I wanted...to kill all those people so I could get to Charles in the end. I can't say this about many things in my life, but I would take it back if I could."
"Because you love me, or because it would be the right thing to do?" It would have been. It would have been the right thing to let her quest for vengeance die out, to let her give up and never dangle the hope in front of her face when she was torn apart inside. It would have been right to never ask her a question that he knew she couldn't say no to before she could understand how much of herself she would end up having to give away to the darkness.
"Because I love you," is his answer, though. And she had known it would be.
"Sun, if you can't do this..."
She shakes her head. "What does it matter?" she says, her voice as vacant as she feels. "Maybe I'm no better than he is...maybe none of us are. But the things he stole from us can never be returned. The pain he caused us can never be erased because every day for the rest of our lives we will wake up without the things we loved most in the world and know they are gone because of him. If the families of the people that I have killed wish vengeance upon me, I cannot say that I blame them. But I have not come this far to walk away because I'm no better than the man that killed my husband. Maybe I always knew one day I wouldn't be."
"Sun," Sayid says, after a long silence on his part. She turns to him. "Are you sure you want to do this?" She looks at him, this man who shares her fate. This man who lost his spouse, the one he had loved and married and hoped one day to have a family with. The man who's had taken from him the person whom he planned to spend his life with. She sees herself reflected in his eyes, all of the pain that flows through her as it flows through him.
They are three broken people whose hearts and souls crumbled into dust a very long time ago. If wishing made it so, she would go back and do it all differently. If wishing made it so, she would never allow Jin to become involved in her father's business and run away with him to America, where her father could look but would never find them. If wishing made it so...
"Yes," she says. She doesn't have to see herself to know there is nothing in her eyes. No fear, no grief, no doubt. Nothing. Because there is nothing in her heart. Not anymore. The bitter taste that fact had left in her mouth is gone now. She's accepted that she is what she is now. For better or worse - in this case much worse - she is the Queen. She turns to Ben, the King, Sayid, the Knight, and says, "I'm ready."
*
They don't have a real plan. They aren't stupid enough to barge into Charles Widmore's office and start firing their guns and hope not to get caught in the crossfire. The irony is not lost on Sun that they've had such more concrete plans for people who mattered so much less by comparison.
"The helicopter is too conspicuous," Ben had told them, and they had agreed. Sayid had suggest entering through the back of the building and walking all the way up the stairwell. Sun and Ben had been wary of that at first, but decided it was their best shot at not being discovered when it still mattered.
They are standing at the back door now, Ben glancing around and Sayid picking the lock like he has done it before - they probably all have - until the door clicks open. "That was absurdly easy," Sun comments.
Sayid opens the door by a crack and looks inside. He turns back to her and Ben. "Camera," he tells them. Sun sighs. They don't have time to disable the cameras, and as it stands, they're in danger of someone coming around the corner and seeing them all lurking outside of the once locked back door.
"How can we disable it?" Sun asks, because she has no idea. Sayid shakes his head, struggling to come up with an answer himself. There is a short pause before Ben calls attention to himself by sighing and closing his eyes. Sun looks at him quizzically and he looks her straight in the eye.
"I know what to do," he tells them, pulling the gun from around his back. "When you hear a second gunshot, go." Ben tries to push Sayid out of the way and get through the door, but Sun pulls on his arm and jerks him back. Her eyes are wide and she has absolutely no idea what is going on, but she knows it's scaring the hell out of her.
"What are you talking about?" she demands.
"I have a plan, Sun," he tells her. "You know me. I always have a plan."
He tries to leave again. She pulls him back again. "Ben-"
"Trust me," he says. She opens her mouth a bit at that. Does she trust him? Could she ever? "I haven't given you any reason to up until now, but I know what I'm doing. I'll get you to him, Sun. Just trust me this once."
Sun looks to Sayid, who doesn't seem to know what to make of Ben either, but gives her a look that seems to tell her that the matter is up to her. She looks back to Ben, who puts his hand on her face and holds her cheek. She closes her eyes for a second, then looks at him. "Go," she tells him. She doesn't know what the hell he's going to do on the other side of the door, but she's wasting their time standing around talking about it.
He kisses her, walks through the door with purpose, and shoots out the security camera.
Sun jumps and Sayid puts his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. He holds the door partway open and they hear the echo of another door opening. Sun takes a moment to recover from the suddenness and the shock and realizes he's walking into the lobby. He's drawing the security to him and away from the monitors. She closes her eyes and exhales a painful breath.
He's going to be killed.
"Oh my God," she whispers, sharply. Sayid doesn't say anything, and when she turns to him she sees him watching through the crack in the door and listening intently. Sun bites her lip and waits.
"When the second shot is fired," he whispers to her. "We run. And we don't stop." She nods. She understands. This is their one chance. She'll run up until her legs fall off if that is what she has to do.
They wait and wait and wait as the world stands still around them. The second shot seems to split the air like a bolt of lightning. Sayid jerks the door open. Sun takes a deep breath and runs.
Part Fourteen