The Unbearable Weight of Being - Part 1
So hard to believe that it's been almost 3 years since my last entry. In those 3 years my life has been completely turned on its head.
In May 2013 my grandmother died. It wasn't unexpected since she was 98, but the time between when she went into th hospital and when she died post-op from a broken hip was 3 weeks. She died without a will, setting the stage for the epic fight between my mom and her sister. At first my aunt insisted she was giving my mom the house. My mother had lived in the house with my grandparents since 1999. She was living on a very fixed SS income ($1300/mo) and had multiple health issues (Type 1 diabetes, triple bypass, retinopathy, neuropathy, renal disease).
The house was in desperate need of repairs. The concrete retaining wall on the side of the house was collapsing, there was a huge hole in the side of the front steps, the electric feed going to the meter was cracked and frayed, and that was just the exterior. A smarmy flipper offered $80K cash for the house, but it was appraised at $90K as is, $120-130K if brought up to code. Mom figured she would get a reverse mortgage once she had the house, fix it up, then sell it and use the $ after the reverse mortgage was paid back to move to Florida.
Mark and I spent hours renovating the interior, stripping wallpaper, fixing the walls, replacing old fixtures and bringing the interior wiring up to code. There wasn't anything we could do for the exterior since we knew nothing about masonry & the electric wire required a certified electrician to replace. We intended to hire contractors once Mom had the money. We were told by the estate lawyer that it would take a year for the estate to be settled, so we were just waiting for that to happen.
In January 2014, my mom was walking in a Walmart parking lot when a man driving a large pick-up truck ran her over. She sustained multiple head and neck injuries, and her diabetes took a one-way trip to Crazytown. We never got it under control and Mom was never the same. I truly believe that the foundation of what happened later was laid that day. She would spend the next 18 mo in and out of the hospital multiple times.
In March 2014, my aunt renieged on her promise to give Mom the house, demanded my mom move out and claimed her half. At the same time she refused to pay for the exterior repairs, costing the estate thousands in reduced property value. My mother and her sister would spend the next 13 months fighting over the house. My mom ended up hiring her own lawyer to represent her since it was obvious that the estate lawyer my aunt hired was not representing my mom's interests. My aunt demaded $1350/mo rent from my mom for staying in the house.
In May 2015, the house sold for $105K contingent upon it meeting code. My aunt wanted to sell as is to the flipper who offered $80K. The lawyers and real estate agents got her to finally agree to the repairs and the sale moved forward.
In July 2015, my mom moved in with us temporarily while she waited for an apartment in a retirement community in New Port Richey, FL to come available. Mark and I had to move all of her stuff, including her 30 yr old furniture, because she refused to part with any of it, into our garage. It took 4 trips with a 6x12 U-haul trailer pulled by my 10yr old Subaru Outback. She hated living with us. She hated my house, my cats, my lifestyle, and she's always hated my husband. She and Mark were screaming at each other on a daily basis.
Mom and my aunt continued to fight over the money from the sale of the house, with my aunt claiming my mom owed 27 mo rent to the tune of $36,500 (basically my mom's half once the lawyers got paid), and my mom and her lawyer telling my aunt to go fuck herself.
In September 2015, the apartment in FL opened up and she moved in on September 15. We loaded up 1/2 her stuff in a 6x12 U-haul trailer and set off for FL. We got there safely and unloaded her furniture. I flew home a few days later because I had to get back to work, but Mark stayed for another week to help her get settled and take her to prescheduled doctor appointments. On September 23, Mark set off for home in my Subaru, pulling the U-haul. The plan was for him to get home, and we would load the trailer with more of my mom's stuff and take it back down. It wouldn't fit all of it, but the rest could wait because we would be headed back down for a family reunion in Disney World with my half brothers in October.
Fourteen hours into the seventeen hour drive home, my Subaru's engine siezed because Mark forgot to check the oil levels and she burned through it all. The car was dead. U-haul came to get the thankfully empty trailer and AAA towed my car to my brother's in Harrisburg because it was within our tow radius. Mark and I then loaded up my brother's van with as much of my mom's stuff as we could and drove back down to FL. My mother took this gesture with poor grace, complaining of the stuff left behind and bitching about my having to put her clothes in bags in order to get it all to fit in the van - thus ruining her folding job and wrinkling all her clothes.
When we got back from FL two days later, we went shopping for a new car and I got another Outback. It didn't come with a tow hitch preinstalled so we couldn't use it to haul another trailer down. My mom was incensed.
Despite not having all her stuff, my mom loved her new apartment and she was making friends. She was so excited to have hot weather and a pool, that she jumped in without thinking and destroyed her iPhone.
On Oct 17, my brother Jeff arrived from KS. He had come East early because he had a conference in NYC, and would be attending that before driving down to join us in Disney World the following week. He left his van at my brother, Michael's in Harrisburg and took the train to NYC. With his permission, we loaded his van with more of my mom's stuff. He was to meet us at my mom's on Oct 25, the day everyone else who was coming to the reunion were set to arrive.
On Oct 21, Mark & I and my niece, Jennifer, left for FL with more of my mom's stuff. Michael would be taking the train, and we had to pick him up in Orlando on Oct 23. We rolled into New Port Richey late Oct 22. We unloaded my mom's stuff to her apartment. She wasn't feeling well. She said another tenant in the building had gotten her sick. We unpacked what we had brought. I told her to call her doctor in the morning because she said she'd been throwing up. Then Mark, Jen & I left for Orlando because Michael's train was due in 10am the following morning. His train ended up being delayed 9 hrs, but he arrived safely, if not pissed about the delay.
We were looking forward to a fun vacation in Disney World once everyone else got there.
On Oct 24, my mom had a stroke.
TBC in the next post.
In May 2013 my grandmother died. It wasn't unexpected since she was 98, but the time between when she went into th hospital and when she died post-op from a broken hip was 3 weeks. She died without a will, setting the stage for the epic fight between my mom and her sister. At first my aunt insisted she was giving my mom the house. My mother had lived in the house with my grandparents since 1999. She was living on a very fixed SS income ($1300/mo) and had multiple health issues (Type 1 diabetes, triple bypass, retinopathy, neuropathy, renal disease).
The house was in desperate need of repairs. The concrete retaining wall on the side of the house was collapsing, there was a huge hole in the side of the front steps, the electric feed going to the meter was cracked and frayed, and that was just the exterior. A smarmy flipper offered $80K cash for the house, but it was appraised at $90K as is, $120-130K if brought up to code. Mom figured she would get a reverse mortgage once she had the house, fix it up, then sell it and use the $ after the reverse mortgage was paid back to move to Florida.
Mark and I spent hours renovating the interior, stripping wallpaper, fixing the walls, replacing old fixtures and bringing the interior wiring up to code. There wasn't anything we could do for the exterior since we knew nothing about masonry & the electric wire required a certified electrician to replace. We intended to hire contractors once Mom had the money. We were told by the estate lawyer that it would take a year for the estate to be settled, so we were just waiting for that to happen.
In January 2014, my mom was walking in a Walmart parking lot when a man driving a large pick-up truck ran her over. She sustained multiple head and neck injuries, and her diabetes took a one-way trip to Crazytown. We never got it under control and Mom was never the same. I truly believe that the foundation of what happened later was laid that day. She would spend the next 18 mo in and out of the hospital multiple times.
In March 2014, my aunt renieged on her promise to give Mom the house, demanded my mom move out and claimed her half. At the same time she refused to pay for the exterior repairs, costing the estate thousands in reduced property value. My mother and her sister would spend the next 13 months fighting over the house. My mom ended up hiring her own lawyer to represent her since it was obvious that the estate lawyer my aunt hired was not representing my mom's interests. My aunt demaded $1350/mo rent from my mom for staying in the house.
In May 2015, the house sold for $105K contingent upon it meeting code. My aunt wanted to sell as is to the flipper who offered $80K. The lawyers and real estate agents got her to finally agree to the repairs and the sale moved forward.
In July 2015, my mom moved in with us temporarily while she waited for an apartment in a retirement community in New Port Richey, FL to come available. Mark and I had to move all of her stuff, including her 30 yr old furniture, because she refused to part with any of it, into our garage. It took 4 trips with a 6x12 U-haul trailer pulled by my 10yr old Subaru Outback. She hated living with us. She hated my house, my cats, my lifestyle, and she's always hated my husband. She and Mark were screaming at each other on a daily basis.
Mom and my aunt continued to fight over the money from the sale of the house, with my aunt claiming my mom owed 27 mo rent to the tune of $36,500 (basically my mom's half once the lawyers got paid), and my mom and her lawyer telling my aunt to go fuck herself.
In September 2015, the apartment in FL opened up and she moved in on September 15. We loaded up 1/2 her stuff in a 6x12 U-haul trailer and set off for FL. We got there safely and unloaded her furniture. I flew home a few days later because I had to get back to work, but Mark stayed for another week to help her get settled and take her to prescheduled doctor appointments. On September 23, Mark set off for home in my Subaru, pulling the U-haul. The plan was for him to get home, and we would load the trailer with more of my mom's stuff and take it back down. It wouldn't fit all of it, but the rest could wait because we would be headed back down for a family reunion in Disney World with my half brothers in October.
Fourteen hours into the seventeen hour drive home, my Subaru's engine siezed because Mark forgot to check the oil levels and she burned through it all. The car was dead. U-haul came to get the thankfully empty trailer and AAA towed my car to my brother's in Harrisburg because it was within our tow radius. Mark and I then loaded up my brother's van with as much of my mom's stuff as we could and drove back down to FL. My mother took this gesture with poor grace, complaining of the stuff left behind and bitching about my having to put her clothes in bags in order to get it all to fit in the van - thus ruining her folding job and wrinkling all her clothes.
When we got back from FL two days later, we went shopping for a new car and I got another Outback. It didn't come with a tow hitch preinstalled so we couldn't use it to haul another trailer down. My mom was incensed.
Despite not having all her stuff, my mom loved her new apartment and she was making friends. She was so excited to have hot weather and a pool, that she jumped in without thinking and destroyed her iPhone.
On Oct 17, my brother Jeff arrived from KS. He had come East early because he had a conference in NYC, and would be attending that before driving down to join us in Disney World the following week. He left his van at my brother, Michael's in Harrisburg and took the train to NYC. With his permission, we loaded his van with more of my mom's stuff. He was to meet us at my mom's on Oct 25, the day everyone else who was coming to the reunion were set to arrive.
On Oct 21, Mark & I and my niece, Jennifer, left for FL with more of my mom's stuff. Michael would be taking the train, and we had to pick him up in Orlando on Oct 23. We rolled into New Port Richey late Oct 22. We unloaded my mom's stuff to her apartment. She wasn't feeling well. She said another tenant in the building had gotten her sick. We unpacked what we had brought. I told her to call her doctor in the morning because she said she'd been throwing up. Then Mark, Jen & I left for Orlando because Michael's train was due in 10am the following morning. His train ended up being delayed 9 hrs, but he arrived safely, if not pissed about the delay.
We were looking forward to a fun vacation in Disney World once everyone else got there.
On Oct 24, my mom had a stroke.
TBC in the next post.