current mood conditions : moody and "well this sucks"
*snort* some people may measure their lives with coffee spoons... I'm finding that I'm measuring mine in boxes. and how much stuff I can fit in said boxes.
*muttermutter* I've been meaning to do deep cleaning of my room in order to rearrange things. I have the smallest bedroom in the house (so not fair, imo) and I've been bitched at so much the past year that the parental units and I have come to this conclusion - I am to confine everything I own to my room. Which I try to do anyway, but now it's absolute. If anything of mine is left in the communal living space it's now liable to be thrown away or thrown without care into my room, with only a handfull of exceptions. Which hurts. A lot.
but I suppose it's to be expected. My life in general sucks. No job, very few friends, who I am able to keep in contact with and even fewer I see on a regular basis. and now my parents are all but exiling me to my tiny room.
I'm sorry, I'm bitching and feeling a bit mean. I'm sure in a way I'm exaggerating a bit...
Anyway, so I'm having to pack away a lot of my life. My childhood. I suppose I'm grieving a bit of this too. I know my room is usually messy and unkempt, but it's my comfort area. My messy little nest. And it feels like my nest is disintigrating and can never be repaired to the way it was. So grieving is kinda what I'm going through, and instead of screaming, crying, and generally having a good ol' fashioned tantrum - I'm trying to get it out. I dunno if it's healthy or not, or if it's even helping. but it's better than acting like a 4 year old, I suppose.
I'm also having to decide - "do I really want to keep this?"
For those who know my family, I'm from a long line of pack-rats on my mother's side. Major Pack Rats. I could regale everyone with the tale of cleaning out my grandmother's appartment after she died, but I won't. Too many similarities. Let's just say, take the amount of stuff that would normally fit quite nicely and neatly in a 4 bed-room house and freeze dry it and stick it into a 1-bedroom appartment.
Anyway, so trying to decide what I don't want anymore is painful. I guess I'm like a hoarder that way, and I'm trying to simplfy my life without professional help. It's not easy and I'm struggling every step of the way. I want to change, but I don't want everything to change and I don't want to pack away those things that are most valuable to me, even for a short period of time.
So, that's what's happening right now. I'm gonna try to go back to work and hopefully get more stuff done...
This is my life now.... measuring my life in boxes.... and trying desperately not to cry...
*muttermutter* I've been meaning to do deep cleaning of my room in order to rearrange things. I have the smallest bedroom in the house (so not fair, imo) and I've been bitched at so much the past year that the parental units and I have come to this conclusion - I am to confine everything I own to my room. Which I try to do anyway, but now it's absolute. If anything of mine is left in the communal living space it's now liable to be thrown away or thrown without care into my room, with only a handfull of exceptions. Which hurts. A lot.
but I suppose it's to be expected. My life in general sucks. No job, very few friends, who I am able to keep in contact with and even fewer I see on a regular basis. and now my parents are all but exiling me to my tiny room.
I'm sorry, I'm bitching and feeling a bit mean. I'm sure in a way I'm exaggerating a bit...
Anyway, so I'm having to pack away a lot of my life. My childhood. I suppose I'm grieving a bit of this too. I know my room is usually messy and unkempt, but it's my comfort area. My messy little nest. And it feels like my nest is disintigrating and can never be repaired to the way it was. So grieving is kinda what I'm going through, and instead of screaming, crying, and generally having a good ol' fashioned tantrum - I'm trying to get it out. I dunno if it's healthy or not, or if it's even helping. but it's better than acting like a 4 year old, I suppose.
I'm also having to decide - "do I really want to keep this?"
For those who know my family, I'm from a long line of pack-rats on my mother's side. Major Pack Rats. I could regale everyone with the tale of cleaning out my grandmother's appartment after she died, but I won't. Too many similarities. Let's just say, take the amount of stuff that would normally fit quite nicely and neatly in a 4 bed-room house and freeze dry it and stick it into a 1-bedroom appartment.
Anyway, so trying to decide what I don't want anymore is painful. I guess I'm like a hoarder that way, and I'm trying to simplfy my life without professional help. It's not easy and I'm struggling every step of the way. I want to change, but I don't want everything to change and I don't want to pack away those things that are most valuable to me, even for a short period of time.
So, that's what's happening right now. I'm gonna try to go back to work and hopefully get more stuff done...
This is my life now.... measuring my life in boxes.... and trying desperately not to cry...