been so long
Tonight was the first time in a year i strongly considered just driving into a tree at 80. The first time in a long time I wanted to make myself bleed. The first time in a long time that i had to remind myself that killing myself will kill my parents, the only people that somewhat love me.
Tonight was the first night in so long that i remembered that i will literally never be good enough for anyone to love.
I mean for fucks sake, even the kid with no job living in his parents basement with no eyebrows can do better than me. I'm never gonna be a hot young 20 something. I'm never gonna be beautiful. im never gonna have an ideal body. im never gonna have that perfect balance of broken and beautiful. im just a goddamn mess with a wide waistline. I wouldnt want to love me either. but its too late to make it better. maybe i would be better off dead.
I havent been this bad in so long.
Id check myself in to butler but what good will that do? I cant maintain loving myself when noone else can.
I'll always be the side chick, is that a life worth living?
Tonight was the first night in so long that i remembered that i will literally never be good enough for anyone to love.
I mean for fucks sake, even the kid with no job living in his parents basement with no eyebrows can do better than me. I'm never gonna be a hot young 20 something. I'm never gonna be beautiful. im never gonna have an ideal body. im never gonna have that perfect balance of broken and beautiful. im just a goddamn mess with a wide waistline. I wouldnt want to love me either. but its too late to make it better. maybe i would be better off dead.
I havent been this bad in so long.
Id check myself in to butler but what good will that do? I cant maintain loving myself when noone else can.
I'll always be the side chick, is that a life worth living?