RP Log with agentfraser & agentsullivan | Intervention
[Super backdated to a day after THIS. Follows THIS and THIS]
The night before for Ali had been sobering. She and Andrew had gone for a drive to a quiet place just beyond the border, though it was evident, despite their earlier joking, that Andrew was quite subdued. They were rugged up in thick coats and got out to sit on a park bench together. At first, they just sat quietly watching the stars of the chilled night with Ali stroking her fingers affectionately through Andrew's hair. But they started talking, and Andrew admitted that since their wedding, he had been really missing his Dad. It just wasn't helping that it was getting close to teh anniversary of his death, and the whole thing was just making Andrew sad. He told Ali is was like a rollercoaster of emotions. On one hand, he was ecstatic about their wedding, and being married, and the prospect of them about to celebrate Jamie's first birthday. All that was the prominent feelings for him, but sometimes, when he just couldn't stop them, the saddness crept up on him and that's when he started feeling the urge to drink. Just like that night. Ali asked him what it felt like, and then told him of her decision to give up alcohol too. Andrew had been touched by her choice, but also tried to talk her out it. He didn't want her to go without just because of him. But Ali had always been characteristically stubborn. She made her choice, and that was it. If she couldn't at least do this for him, what could she do. Inevitably, though, Andrew eventually got upset thinking about his Dad, and they ended the evening with Ali just sitting and holding her husband while he cried quietly. The drive home was quiet when Andrew, drained from the emotions, fell asleep while Ali navigated her way back into New York. It gave her a lot of time to think, and she decided that even if it did hurt James didn't at least call her to tell her about his son's birth, life was just too fucking short... often shorter than anyone could anticipate.
It was that which had Ali finally coming to the hospital to visit James, Harri and their new addition. Andrew joined her with Sunshine, so at least she was going in with a united front in case her anger decided to kick in anyway. It had hurt not to be involved, feeling like it had further clawed open the gap she was already feeling between herself, James, and Izzy. Part of her did blame them for their constant sexual dancing around each other which had finally ended with some resolution. But she knew that couldn't be where the entire blame got laid. There was just a lot of hurt on her part, and she knew she was self-preserving because of it. She didn't trust them like she used to, and she had to get that back if they wanted to nurture that friendship they used to have.
It seemed, though, that she wasn't the only one who thought that. One minute, she was standing in the hall with Andrew, who had been nursing Sunshine, and then the next, he disappeared and returned with Izzy and James. Ali had questioned him, and wondered why James was asking Andrew if he was okay, but all in the blink of an eye, Andrew expertly lured them into a family room on the Maternity Ward, and then with a smirk, exited the room without a word and slammed the door closed behind him, Jamie still nursed securely in his arms.
Ali's new husband, the supposed innocent one, had just locked her in a room with her too semi-estranged best friends. Her hand on the doorknob, she gaped at the back of the door with a small squeak of surprise when she couldn't get the door open. She turned around, her eyes wide. "He's locked us in!" she gasped in shock.
Izzy had been trying to visit James after the last disastrous attempt that had her bumping into Cameron. She had yet to tell Ali, or James about it, but apparently she had her chance now. She had to hand it to Andrew. He had done something that made her as a prankster immensely proud of Ali's new husband. She watched Ali panic, but Iz just moved to take a seat as she made herself comfortable. She was starting to understand why pregnant women weren't exactly happy while they glowed. "It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. They lull you into a false sense of secruity so you believe they wouldn't hurt a fly, then just go and lock you in a hospital room."
James didn't realise what was going on at first. One minute, Andrew was standing there saying he felt really sick and needed them to help find Ali. Of course, James and Iz jumped into action to help Ali's husband, but were confused to find Ali standing out in the hallway in easy line of sight. Now that they were clearly holed up in a hospital room together, it was like a whirlwind of actions and the penny dropped that they had just well and truly been trumped. "He said he didn't feel well!" he protested, moving over next to Ali to try the door for himself. He banged his hand against the door. "Hey, this is locked! Open up!" he protested.
Ali felt her face heat up as she probably turned red from a mixture of anxiety and irritation. She pressed her lips against the crack in the door, even though she really couldn't be sure they could be heard on the other side. "OI! YOU ARE SO NOT GETTING SEX TONIGHT, CONNOR!" she growled, trying to see through the crack with no luck. She spun around, slumping against the door with a frown. This could potentially be awkward. "Is there such a thing as temporary divorce?"
"Sure, it's called separation. The thing you do before you get a divorce to see if you want to be divorced." Iz was still looking at both of her friends now with amusement. She was the only one not fussed about being locked in, and she strongly suspected it was because she just wanted to sit down and not stand anymore. Standing was overrated. "Something tells me he's not opening that door until the three of us pull our fucking fingers out and remember we're all BFFs."
James let his hand drop from the door knob and looked at Izzy in confusion. "I don't get it. He knows we're friends. What's he locking us in here for? If this is about the Campbell thing, I'm sorry! We just wanted you to have an awesome honeymoon because you needed the time together and we didn't expect him to come when he did, he wasn't due for another two weeks! It was really quick, too, and probably around the time you guys would have been having awesome consummating married sex. Did you really want that interrupted? Married sex! It's supposed to be fucking brilliant!" he protested, waving his hand helplessly and backing away just a little in case Ali decided to turf one of the plastic chairs at him.
Maybe not quite a chair, but Ali did grab him by the front of the shirt and pressed him roughly up against the door. "By my fucking married arse, Jimbo!" she growled and gave him a sharp forehead slap. "That's for thinking like and idiot! What, are you fucked in the head? How could you think that? You get one shot at a first born and you promised me you wouldn't keep anymore secrets, you gigantic lying piece of toe fungus!"
Izzy's eyebrows went up as she witnessed the forehead slap. "James, James, James... Have I taught you nothing over the years? No distance is enough for a chick intent on a slap. And for the record, thanks for letting Fi be the one to tell me about the birth. Ali doesn't believe me, but it's true, isn't it? And since we're on the topic of not keeping secrets, thanks for warning me Cameron was in the hospital when I was coming to visit."
James tried to struggle out of Ali's grip, but she was bloody strong when she wanted to be. "What the fuck?!" he finally snapped, staring at Izzy like she had gone mental. "I left you four friggen voicemail messages on your phone before Harri even got through the first part of the labour! I only left a message on Fiona's voicemail when you wouldn't fucking answer! And how am I suppose to fucking warn you of something when you're avoiding me like the plague and I haven't seen you?! You know what? This is fucked! Neither of you are ever going to trust me again, so maybe we all should just fucking go our separate ways!" He finally dislodged himself from Ali's hands and stepped away from them, looking at them like they had both literally slapped him in the face simultaneously. This sucked. He was supposed to be goddamn happy.
Ali lost her strength when James started to protest back, taking her off guard and giving him the ability to break free. When he made the comment about the trust, she faltered, even if she was still frowning. She could think of about five hundred things she wanted to yell at them both, but every time something came to the tip of her tongue, she just felt like crying instead. "You both suck!" was all she could manage, her voice wavering as she tucked her arms protectively around her and fought the urge to pace.
"I'm sorry," Iz said to James, her hands up in the air in surrender. She aimed it at Ali as well, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I don't even know how things got so fucked up. Besides... fucking. And you can't divorce friends! We're meant to be the ones that last forever. Marriages are supposed to come and go, but friends are meant to last. And I'm not avoiding anyone! Much. I don't want to go our serparate ways. I miss you both. I miss us. The three of us us."
"Marriage leads to getting incarcerated in a bloody hospital room!" James threw back, his eyes landing on Ali in exasperation. "You said he was innocent! This isn't innocent. It's unlawful kidnapping! If we kill each other, he could be liable, you know." He growled softly and started to pace, unable to fight the urge like Ali was doing. "How are we ever going to go back to how we were? You both can't trust me enough to piss on me if I was on fire, Ali wants to dangle my balls from the ceiling in a bloody mess. I'm tired of trying to get everything right only to continuously fuck everything up all over again. I don't know what to do to make things better anymore. I can't believe either of you would think I would choose not to want you here for my son's birth. I wanted you both here. I tried calling you, Iz, but I just assumed you didn't come because of Harri, and Al... you were so happy at the wedding with Andrew. Bursting happy. I haven't seen you like that since your early Mark days. You needed a break. I made a stupid decision because I wanted to help you, not hurt you. And Iz, I... I just... I stopped trying to call you when you didn't call me back. I didn't even think you might not have got the messages, and I'm sorry. If you had, you might have slapped some sense into me and told me to call Ali anyway and all this fucked up shit wouldn't have happened, you would have been some of the first people to meet him, like it should have been. Just like we should have been some of the first people to meet Jamie."
This was the first time Ali had actually heard James acknowledge his regret over missing Jamie's birth. She was going to start crying, of course she was. She had been like a bad pelvic floor muscle leaking all over the place since she had been pregnant with Jamie. A small sob escaped before she could catch it and she just nodded in agreement. She wasn't going to point fingers again, lay the guilt trip on for them leaving her alone. All she wanted was acknowledgement of what they missed. That was all.
Iz got up off the sofa, and made her way over to Ali. Sometimes there were things that were worth standing for, even when you wanted to chop your feet off at the ankles. Izzy put her arms around her friend as best she could and kissed the top of Ali's head as tears of her own started to well up in her eyes. "You know I would have been there as your yelling board if I hadn't been so fucked in the head. But you're right... about everything. About why things got fucked up, and I'm sorry." Isabel glanced over at James. "You know I wouldn't have missed Campbell's birth for anything. Or at least you should have known that. No amount of potential ex awkwardness would have stopped me. I honestly didn't get any of your messages. Guess my voicemail has it in for me and you, too."
"I didn't know," James told her quietly, looking at her sadly and regretfully. "I don't know a whole lot with either of you lately, and I wish I did. I just thought it got too far, there was no turning back. Jesus, Al, all I seem to be able to do do lately is hurt you or not be there when you need me. And then Jamie started to pull away from me, and that really hurt. It stunned me how much it hurt because I realised what a fuckhead I've been, and it was even worse because I was trying to make things better and it was just all compounding all around me again. I just wanted to get things right for once. Just once. I thought going back to Iz would be that, but it was just... something wasn't missing. It wasn't. Just, other things were added. Cameron and Harri. Campbell, and whoever is in there," he said, gesturing to Izzy's stomach. "Sunshine, and then Ali turns around and becomes a wife before any of us really have a chance to stop and realise that maybe we all did fucking finally grow up and stop running away."
Ali wanted to protest that she hadn't run anywhere, but it wasn't true. He was right. He was so painfully right that it cause more tears to spill over her cheeks and probably mean Iz would be left with a snot trail on her jacket. She might not have physically run anywhere, but she had been running from herself ever since the break up with Mark. She was forced to stop when she became a mother, it just took a year for the rest of her to catch up with herself. The terrified part that was scared to change. "I'm just kinda glad the door is locked so neither of you can bugger off on me right now," she said tearfully, trying to wipe the wetness from her cheeks. "Because ever since you both got back, I just keep waiting for you to go again, and I don't know how to stop that," she said with another sob, feeling guilty about the admission.
"I..." Iz started, swallowing down a lump in her throat. The conversation with Cameron was replaying through her mind, and she sighed. In the interest of not keeping secrets there was something she had to tell Ali and James. "It's not running if it's a move for a different reason, right? Not an escape, but going to something. Cameron's... he's going home after Christmas. England home," she clarified. "And I said I'd follow him if that was what he wanted. Because he was right. I never once offered to go to him, or follow him anywhere. It was all about me, and me yanking his chain, and he doesn't even feel anything towards the babies because I yanked it all away. I grew up the same moment my ass went crashing to Earth and left me with fucking gravel rash. And the whole thing with James--with you--" Iz held James' gaze as she stroked her fingers through Ali's hair, "you're still my rock. You're still my constant when everything else is fucking up around me, and maybe that's a mistake. Harri and Campbell are your rocks now. And me and Ali will always be... something rocklike but not rocks. I need to find my rock again. I got lost when everything suddenly changed around me, and I didn't recognise anything. I'm sorry to both of you. So much."
By the time she was finished talking, James was just staring at her, an odd sick feeling settling deep in his gut. It seemed that they really were never going to have a chance to get back on track. She wanted to move away to England. At least, that's what it sounded like. She didn't actually indicate anywhere there that she had reunited with Cameron. Pat or Aiden hadn't said anything along those lines either and James realised that he really didn't want her to go. Trying to live without her and Ali had been a big portion of what screwed with his head. But he found himself nodding, even if he was swallowing heavily. He felt close to tears himself now, and when he spoke, his voice was hoarse and choke. "Sure," he agreed softly with a nod. "You gotta do what you gotta do."
Ali was nodding, even if her face had crumbled more and more tears spilled over like a waterfall now. Hearing that Izzy wanted to move away was a shock, and she had to sit down herself, taking the chair closest to her. She knew she was just jetlagged and hormonal, but it wasn't easy. None of this was. It was well overdue and they all knew it, and Ali found herself drawing on the comfort that her husband and daughter were somewhere on the other side of the door waiting for her to try and make peace with her friends, because said husband had picked up on how much it meant to Ali without her having to say much about it. He was more than her rock, he was her bloody whole meteor. It just didn't make it less aching to hear Iz might just not be a big part of her life anymore. She dug around in her handbag for tissues, but all she could find was one of Jamie's bibs, which she used as a makeshift hanky. She hated the times when the tears felt like they would never let up. "Fuck, at least I know I'm not pregnant."
Iz stood for a moment in the same spot she'd been comforting Ali, just looking at James. She was trying to read past the nod because she didn't think he did agree. He just wasn't going to say otherwise. And she actually hadn't said she would move. She doubted Cameron wanted her following him now. She was just a reminder of how much he'd been screwed over. Between the knee, the pregnancy, and Izzy abandoning him, she really couldn't blame him if he had just told her outright to fuck off. But he didn't. Iz continued to look at James, and ran her tongue along her lips in thought. "I didn't say I'd be going. I just said... Cam was just right. As are you, and Ali. None of us are quite making the right moves. Except Ali when she got married, and you when you went back to Harri. They were the right moves. I'm still figuring mine out. Maybe all he needed to know was that me following him was a possibility. Sometimes it's just a verbal give and take that's enough." Isabel was moving over to Ali again, offering some tissues of her own from inside her handbag. "I'm sorry it's not working out yet, Al."
James moved one of the other chairs over up close beside Ali. He wasn't sure if he should touch her at first, but he slipped his arm around her and kissed her head. Ali hadn't mentioned anything to him about how her baby-making attempts were going, but Iz's comment was enough to alert him. He looked up at Izzy helplessly, even though he knew this really wasn't something either of them could help Ali with. It was just one of those things you would give your right nut to help, though. It really was time for him to start realising that Ali still needed a lot of support. She was still floundering in shit alone. She needed her best friends. Izzy probably did too, but again, James wasn't sure how he could help her if she moved away to England. How they could be a threesome BFF unit again. She was the turning point for him, the reason he put himself in a coma to come back as James. Sure, he did it for Harri and Campbell, but he could have continued undercover and still been there for them. He came back this old life for Ali and Izzy. He just never expected it to be this hard. He only realised he was still looking up at Izzy in bewildered confusion over her choice, still not offering anything as to his thoughts. He just cleared his throat and averted his eyes from her. He couldn't be any bearing on her decisions anymore. He would get another partner, and he would continue trying to make things up to Ali, while Izzy tried to find what she needed in England.
"There's nothing to be sorry about, it's fine," Ali said, taking the tissues to wipe her eyes and nose. "It's just on the sidelines, no bother." They had to at least get through December first. She wasn't sure how well Andrew was going to cope with his recent falling off the booze wagon. She didn't think it was going to be easy. At least they had Jamie's first birthday to look forward to. And if Izzy decided to go away, then email would just have to work. Or Ali would need to learn how to lean on other people.
Izzy still had the feeling her two friends had her bags packed, and she wasn't even going anywhere. It had been an idea. It just seemed like no matter what move she made she'd be leaving someone behind. Of course, it really was all premature. There was no way Cameron was taking her back anytime soon. She just hoped the fact he had the ultrasound photo now would give him something to start to bond to the kids with. He would be a good father if he just let himself. Even if Isabel just had to accept the fact he'd be in her life for them, and no other reason. She'd take them to England to see them if that was where he wanted to stay. She'd just learn to deal. And hopefully it would be better than her usual attempts. "Well, we're here if you want to talk. Both of us. And if you want to do the distraction thing, we can do that, too. I have a billion balloons for Jamie's party."
Ali was digging around in her handbag looking for her cell phone. She wasn't going to yell at Andrew. Or maybe just not yell loudly. But the little pocket she usually kept the phone in was empty and a string of colourful expletives fell from her lips as she sniffled back more tears. "Bloody fucking Australian piece of shit wanker tossers," she cursed, shooting James a default glare. Andrew had taken her phone, too! He knew she would probably try to call him to tell him off for his stunt. "What is it with me and Australians?" she complained. It wasn't fair, either, because a year and a half quitting, she really wanted a friggen smoke. "I need a fucking smoke!" she had to declare in frustration and kicked the bottom of a nearby chair for emphasis.
James pressed his lips together. "Don't look at me. The building is non-smoking. I haven't got any with me. I probably need to try and quit anyway, for the kid," he realised, even if he knew he was going to fail miserably. Smoking was stress relief. "I need a fuck, that's what I need. If he doesn't let us out of here soon, I'm getting myself off. Just a warning." He glanced up at Izzy and then exhaled heavily. It didn't take a genius to know there was no way either of them would probably be as close friends as they were trying to be again if she went to England. But life was full of shit choices. James knew that better than anyone, because he kept making the wrong ones.
Izzy smirked as she met James' gaze. She didn't want to dwell on the negatives anymore. "Don't look at me, Fraser. I gave up sex when I stopped fucking you. You're just going to have to turn around and jerk off into the corner. Not sure Harri would be too impressed otherwise." She then bit her lip as she looked sheepishly at Ali, and reached into her purse to fish out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. "I haven't been smoking!" she exclaimed hastily. "I just... carry them."
Ali took the cigarettes with a groan. "You weren't supposed to give them to me!" She squished them between her hands and scrunched her nose up. "No, I have to be strong. I do. Andrew isn't going to want to kiss an ashtray." It was tempting to just light up, though. Once a nicotine addict, always a nicotine addict. But if they set the fire alarms off, they would probably be stuck in here even longer and she was pretty sure she could easily tap into a latent claustrophobia if she tried hard enough. "If his arse wasn't so fucking hot, I would be kicking it by now. He's on my naughty list. You all are, just saying."
James scratched his forehead with his thumb. "Yeah, don't I have a permanent spot on the top of that list already? Written in blood, probably?" he said wryly. The smokes were tempting him, too. Now he wanted a fuck and a smoke. And maybe a pee. "I need a pee," he felt the need to share with them. "Maybe a crap, too. Just saying," he added with a smirk.
"I need a pee, a fuck, a smoke, a crap, and a cry. Just saying," Izzy replied with a grin. "Maybe chocolate. And hugs. I can deal with the naughty list so long as it means we're still friends." She pressed a kiss to Ali's temple and rest her head against her friend's. "You're going to get angry make-up sex. If this even counts as a fight. Just think about that, Al. I'm never going to get sex again, and James has to still wait five weeks."
Ali tilted her head in thought. "Hm. He really does give a good pounding when spurred on enough. I'm still angry at him, though, and it's not fucking fair. You both made me want to pee and crap too. The power of suggestion. Anyone says a threesome and I might actually be up for it," she joked. "And I am such a bitch, but I am so fucking proud of myself right now that I'm getting lots of awesome sex and you both are getting none. Ha. This is payback for last year when you were bollocking each other at every turn and I was vomiting with hemorrhoids and flatulence. And payback for when I had a miscarriage and couldn't get fucked while you were fucking each other again. You can whine all you want, but I've got no sympathy for either of you. Come back and bitch to me when you've had a four year drought. Welcome to my world. I think I might fuck my husband in the hot tub, tonight. Multiple orgasms, lots of tongue action."
James groaned. "You're an evil bitch," he agreed with a nod. "It's worse knowing we deserve it, too. Is it really six weeks you can't have sex after you have a kid?" he moaned, rubbing his hands over his face.
"Hm," Ali agreed non-committally. "Unless you like anal." She merely smirked when James' mouth dropped open and he fell silent.
"Does Harri like anal would be more to the point," Izzy felt the need to insert considering she was the one still pregnant in the room. And right now she didn't like the idea of anal given just how much flatulence she was suffering from. And the hemmoroids. As if her body felt need to remind others of the fact, a loud fart escape and she held her hand up in apology. "Personally I'm okay with a drought. I don't need sex fucking with my head again. I'll just stick with a vibrator. Less trouble. Hey, maybe Harri can stick a big rubber dildo up your ass, James. Since we all know you like anal. Although if Al did want to fool around a little bit I wouldn't say no. Maybe girls are safer. Less cock trouble. Think Andy would like to watch?"
"Yet, you're the one bitching about not getting any," James threw back with a small frown. "And that was a fucking low blow, Iz. Thank you for bringing that up. Appreciate it."
Ali rubbed at her head. "I meant Harri." She could already feel comments building in her ready to jump to Andrew's defense. "I asked for it. I asked him to do it. I wanted to have sex with him. I was falling in love with him and I didn't want to wait any longer. I'm not apologising for it. It had been a long fucking time since someone loved me enough to have sex with me no matter how shit I looked or felt."
"Sorry, I didn't mean it as a low blow," Iz mumbled. And she hadn't. It was perhaps just a comment that had come out blunter than she'd intended. "Was just trying to help. And I wasn't bitching! Just stating a fact. I'll shut up now, okay?" She looked at Ali. "You don't need to explain. I think it's nice that you two had a way. Maybe James and Harri should have a way, too. How long until you take her and Campbell home?"
It wasn't that James forgot he was bisexual. It wasn't something anyone forgot. He had just never thought about it in a physical sense since David was killed. He hadn't slept with a guy since then, and he couldn't help it if it hit like a low blow. Maybe it always would. His mind did turn to his son briefly. He couldn't help but wonder if Campbell would be straight, gay, or bisexual like James. With James and Harri like they were, and Campbell's godfathers being gay, it could really swing either way. Then with that train of thought came an unbelievably strong urge to protect his son from everything and he was so lost in his thoughts, he hadn't realised he had fallen silent.
"He's thinking about Campbell," Ali guessed quietly with a small, fond smile. She gave James a small poke to drag him out of his daydream. "This is my whole point. Sex, fucking, everything. Plays second when you have a kid. It just does. Runny noses, and baby spew, and pee, and filled nappies, and fevers, and crying, and fear and worry... all takes over. No matter how scared shitless you are, there just seems to be something inside that makes you know what you need to do."
"You're both going to be there, right?" Iz felt the need to ask. "Because I'm seriously fucking scared shitless. And you two... you're great. Al's the best mom anyone could hope for, and I know you're just going to love that boy like he's the whole world, James. You won't break him. You're going to love him too much for that to happen. I just... I have two of them! I can't even keep a fucking plant alive."
Ali fell silent. She pulled her lips in between her teeth, unable to speak at first. She hugged herself, then unfolded again and shifted in her chair. She couldn't help that part of her wanted to say no, to punish Izzy for running away and leaving her alone in exactly the same scenario she was pleading she was terrified of now. She was soon hugging herself again and her leg was bouncing a little as she looked down at her feet. She stayed quiet, really wishing Andrew would just open the door again. It might have been a year ago, but she still remembered how horrible it felt to give birth without anyone she loved there to hold on to.
"Is it really a good idea for me to be there?" James had to ask quietly. He had been watching Ali squirm, waiting for her to say something, but nothing came. "I mean, I can be there, but maybe not in the thick of things. Not if you want there to be some sort of open avenue with Cameron. The dude hates me. I had to make myself scarce while Pat introduced Campbell to his brother. I don't know if that's ever going to change. I hurt him just as much as you did. He's not going to appreciate me being there when his kids are born." As the words came out of his mouth, he realised just how much he hated there being a huge rift like that in his family now his son was here. It didn't seem fair. Maybe he needed to try and talk to Cameron? His brow furrowed in thought.
Iz nodded in agreement with James, but her eyes were on Ali. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I am so fucking sorry. I would give you a pound of my flesh if it would make you believe me. I can't take it back, Al. I can't change anything other than being here now. And I know I've fucked that up, too, but I'm... I'm trying." Iz reached out to tuck Ali's hair behind her ear. "I won't go to England. I won't go anywhere. You'll get so sick of me you'll start to tell me to fuck off. You don't have to be there. I mean, I wasn't there for you. I wasn't your yelling person, and I should have been."
Ali welled up again and shook her head, more cursing falling from her lips. It wasn't fair all this had to happen the day she got her period because she hated hormones. She had a feeling she was probably going to spend all of December in a snotty teary mess. "I'll be there, but only because it's horrible to face it on your own. You can't even... you just..." She stopped, huffing out a heavy breath to regain her composure. "It doesn't matter anyway, because if it ever happens again, Andrew will be there with me. I'm not rubbing anything in here, but you guys really need to take a leaf out of his book. You need to stop and realise that sometimes people just need to be taken care of, above what you want yourself. Harri and Cameron, for example. You're never gonna be on the same pages with them if you keep thinking of yourselves as a single unit. When it's the real deal, you've gotta become part of each other, alright? Even if you suck at it sometimes. Izzy, I know you're all scared of how Cameron is going to react when you confront him and all that shit, but go back to him. Drive to Princeton and find him and tell him you want to help him. Don't be a bloody wuss, because he needs you, you don't just need him. And James, get your fucking finger out of your hole and realise this little boy is your fresh start. David's dead. Things with Izzy have ended. Harri and Campbell. We aren't going to be able to fall easily back to being your friend if you keep half your brain and your cock in the past."
Izzy hugged Ali tightly and gave her another kiss. She turned to look at James, not even sure she could say anything more after Ali. Now days if she opened his mouth to him she just wound up hurting him, and that hurt her because he really was a huge part of her soul still. She left Ali for the moment and moved to give James a hug. Or as good as she could give with the baby bump in the way.
James hugged her back and then reached to tug Ali up into the hug too. This was better than killing each other. Ali was right. James did need to get his finger out of his hole. Maybe he needed therapy or something. Time to offload everything piled up in his head so he could move on from it. Campbell really was a fresh start, and even though James was terrified at how much committment the baby boy had created, it wasn't a horrified fear. He was excited and hopeful he could manage to pull it off. He just knew now that he needed Izzy and Ali to pull it off. He had always needed them. It was when he took himself away from them that his world fell apart. Now matter how much they had hurt each other, it was time to realise where the priorities were lying now.
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The night before for Ali had been sobering. She and Andrew had gone for a drive to a quiet place just beyond the border, though it was evident, despite their earlier joking, that Andrew was quite subdued. They were rugged up in thick coats and got out to sit on a park bench together. At first, they just sat quietly watching the stars of the chilled night with Ali stroking her fingers affectionately through Andrew's hair. But they started talking, and Andrew admitted that since their wedding, he had been really missing his Dad. It just wasn't helping that it was getting close to teh anniversary of his death, and the whole thing was just making Andrew sad. He told Ali is was like a rollercoaster of emotions. On one hand, he was ecstatic about their wedding, and being married, and the prospect of them about to celebrate Jamie's first birthday. All that was the prominent feelings for him, but sometimes, when he just couldn't stop them, the saddness crept up on him and that's when he started feeling the urge to drink. Just like that night. Ali asked him what it felt like, and then told him of her decision to give up alcohol too. Andrew had been touched by her choice, but also tried to talk her out it. He didn't want her to go without just because of him. But Ali had always been characteristically stubborn. She made her choice, and that was it. If she couldn't at least do this for him, what could she do. Inevitably, though, Andrew eventually got upset thinking about his Dad, and they ended the evening with Ali just sitting and holding her husband while he cried quietly. The drive home was quiet when Andrew, drained from the emotions, fell asleep while Ali navigated her way back into New York. It gave her a lot of time to think, and she decided that even if it did hurt James didn't at least call her to tell her about his son's birth, life was just too fucking short... often shorter than anyone could anticipate.
It was that which had Ali finally coming to the hospital to visit James, Harri and their new addition. Andrew joined her with Sunshine, so at least she was going in with a united front in case her anger decided to kick in anyway. It had hurt not to be involved, feeling like it had further clawed open the gap she was already feeling between herself, James, and Izzy. Part of her did blame them for their constant sexual dancing around each other which had finally ended with some resolution. But she knew that couldn't be where the entire blame got laid. There was just a lot of hurt on her part, and she knew she was self-preserving because of it. She didn't trust them like she used to, and she had to get that back if they wanted to nurture that friendship they used to have.
It seemed, though, that she wasn't the only one who thought that. One minute, she was standing in the hall with Andrew, who had been nursing Sunshine, and then the next, he disappeared and returned with Izzy and James. Ali had questioned him, and wondered why James was asking Andrew if he was okay, but all in the blink of an eye, Andrew expertly lured them into a family room on the Maternity Ward, and then with a smirk, exited the room without a word and slammed the door closed behind him, Jamie still nursed securely in his arms.
Ali's new husband, the supposed innocent one, had just locked her in a room with her too semi-estranged best friends. Her hand on the doorknob, she gaped at the back of the door with a small squeak of surprise when she couldn't get the door open. She turned around, her eyes wide. "He's locked us in!" she gasped in shock.
Izzy had been trying to visit James after the last disastrous attempt that had her bumping into Cameron. She had yet to tell Ali, or James about it, but apparently she had her chance now. She had to hand it to Andrew. He had done something that made her as a prankster immensely proud of Ali's new husband. She watched Ali panic, but Iz just moved to take a seat as she made herself comfortable. She was starting to understand why pregnant women weren't exactly happy while they glowed. "It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. They lull you into a false sense of secruity so you believe they wouldn't hurt a fly, then just go and lock you in a hospital room."
James didn't realise what was going on at first. One minute, Andrew was standing there saying he felt really sick and needed them to help find Ali. Of course, James and Iz jumped into action to help Ali's husband, but were confused to find Ali standing out in the hallway in easy line of sight. Now that they were clearly holed up in a hospital room together, it was like a whirlwind of actions and the penny dropped that they had just well and truly been trumped. "He said he didn't feel well!" he protested, moving over next to Ali to try the door for himself. He banged his hand against the door. "Hey, this is locked! Open up!" he protested.
Ali felt her face heat up as she probably turned red from a mixture of anxiety and irritation. She pressed her lips against the crack in the door, even though she really couldn't be sure they could be heard on the other side. "OI! YOU ARE SO NOT GETTING SEX TONIGHT, CONNOR!" she growled, trying to see through the crack with no luck. She spun around, slumping against the door with a frown. This could potentially be awkward. "Is there such a thing as temporary divorce?"
"Sure, it's called separation. The thing you do before you get a divorce to see if you want to be divorced." Iz was still looking at both of her friends now with amusement. She was the only one not fussed about being locked in, and she strongly suspected it was because she just wanted to sit down and not stand anymore. Standing was overrated. "Something tells me he's not opening that door until the three of us pull our fucking fingers out and remember we're all BFFs."
James let his hand drop from the door knob and looked at Izzy in confusion. "I don't get it. He knows we're friends. What's he locking us in here for? If this is about the Campbell thing, I'm sorry! We just wanted you to have an awesome honeymoon because you needed the time together and we didn't expect him to come when he did, he wasn't due for another two weeks! It was really quick, too, and probably around the time you guys would have been having awesome consummating married sex. Did you really want that interrupted? Married sex! It's supposed to be fucking brilliant!" he protested, waving his hand helplessly and backing away just a little in case Ali decided to turf one of the plastic chairs at him.
Maybe not quite a chair, but Ali did grab him by the front of the shirt and pressed him roughly up against the door. "By my fucking married arse, Jimbo!" she growled and gave him a sharp forehead slap. "That's for thinking like and idiot! What, are you fucked in the head? How could you think that? You get one shot at a first born and you promised me you wouldn't keep anymore secrets, you gigantic lying piece of toe fungus!"
Izzy's eyebrows went up as she witnessed the forehead slap. "James, James, James... Have I taught you nothing over the years? No distance is enough for a chick intent on a slap. And for the record, thanks for letting Fi be the one to tell me about the birth. Ali doesn't believe me, but it's true, isn't it? And since we're on the topic of not keeping secrets, thanks for warning me Cameron was in the hospital when I was coming to visit."
James tried to struggle out of Ali's grip, but she was bloody strong when she wanted to be. "What the fuck?!" he finally snapped, staring at Izzy like she had gone mental. "I left you four friggen voicemail messages on your phone before Harri even got through the first part of the labour! I only left a message on Fiona's voicemail when you wouldn't fucking answer! And how am I suppose to fucking warn you of something when you're avoiding me like the plague and I haven't seen you?! You know what? This is fucked! Neither of you are ever going to trust me again, so maybe we all should just fucking go our separate ways!" He finally dislodged himself from Ali's hands and stepped away from them, looking at them like they had both literally slapped him in the face simultaneously. This sucked. He was supposed to be goddamn happy.
Ali lost her strength when James started to protest back, taking her off guard and giving him the ability to break free. When he made the comment about the trust, she faltered, even if she was still frowning. She could think of about five hundred things she wanted to yell at them both, but every time something came to the tip of her tongue, she just felt like crying instead. "You both suck!" was all she could manage, her voice wavering as she tucked her arms protectively around her and fought the urge to pace.
"I'm sorry," Iz said to James, her hands up in the air in surrender. She aimed it at Ali as well, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I don't even know how things got so fucked up. Besides... fucking. And you can't divorce friends! We're meant to be the ones that last forever. Marriages are supposed to come and go, but friends are meant to last. And I'm not avoiding anyone! Much. I don't want to go our serparate ways. I miss you both. I miss us. The three of us us."
"Marriage leads to getting incarcerated in a bloody hospital room!" James threw back, his eyes landing on Ali in exasperation. "You said he was innocent! This isn't innocent. It's unlawful kidnapping! If we kill each other, he could be liable, you know." He growled softly and started to pace, unable to fight the urge like Ali was doing. "How are we ever going to go back to how we were? You both can't trust me enough to piss on me if I was on fire, Ali wants to dangle my balls from the ceiling in a bloody mess. I'm tired of trying to get everything right only to continuously fuck everything up all over again. I don't know what to do to make things better anymore. I can't believe either of you would think I would choose not to want you here for my son's birth. I wanted you both here. I tried calling you, Iz, but I just assumed you didn't come because of Harri, and Al... you were so happy at the wedding with Andrew. Bursting happy. I haven't seen you like that since your early Mark days. You needed a break. I made a stupid decision because I wanted to help you, not hurt you. And Iz, I... I just... I stopped trying to call you when you didn't call me back. I didn't even think you might not have got the messages, and I'm sorry. If you had, you might have slapped some sense into me and told me to call Ali anyway and all this fucked up shit wouldn't have happened, you would have been some of the first people to meet him, like it should have been. Just like we should have been some of the first people to meet Jamie."
This was the first time Ali had actually heard James acknowledge his regret over missing Jamie's birth. She was going to start crying, of course she was. She had been like a bad pelvic floor muscle leaking all over the place since she had been pregnant with Jamie. A small sob escaped before she could catch it and she just nodded in agreement. She wasn't going to point fingers again, lay the guilt trip on for them leaving her alone. All she wanted was acknowledgement of what they missed. That was all.
Iz got up off the sofa, and made her way over to Ali. Sometimes there were things that were worth standing for, even when you wanted to chop your feet off at the ankles. Izzy put her arms around her friend as best she could and kissed the top of Ali's head as tears of her own started to well up in her eyes. "You know I would have been there as your yelling board if I hadn't been so fucked in the head. But you're right... about everything. About why things got fucked up, and I'm sorry." Isabel glanced over at James. "You know I wouldn't have missed Campbell's birth for anything. Or at least you should have known that. No amount of potential ex awkwardness would have stopped me. I honestly didn't get any of your messages. Guess my voicemail has it in for me and you, too."
"I didn't know," James told her quietly, looking at her sadly and regretfully. "I don't know a whole lot with either of you lately, and I wish I did. I just thought it got too far, there was no turning back. Jesus, Al, all I seem to be able to do do lately is hurt you or not be there when you need me. And then Jamie started to pull away from me, and that really hurt. It stunned me how much it hurt because I realised what a fuckhead I've been, and it was even worse because I was trying to make things better and it was just all compounding all around me again. I just wanted to get things right for once. Just once. I thought going back to Iz would be that, but it was just... something wasn't missing. It wasn't. Just, other things were added. Cameron and Harri. Campbell, and whoever is in there," he said, gesturing to Izzy's stomach. "Sunshine, and then Ali turns around and becomes a wife before any of us really have a chance to stop and realise that maybe we all did fucking finally grow up and stop running away."
Ali wanted to protest that she hadn't run anywhere, but it wasn't true. He was right. He was so painfully right that it cause more tears to spill over her cheeks and probably mean Iz would be left with a snot trail on her jacket. She might not have physically run anywhere, but she had been running from herself ever since the break up with Mark. She was forced to stop when she became a mother, it just took a year for the rest of her to catch up with herself. The terrified part that was scared to change. "I'm just kinda glad the door is locked so neither of you can bugger off on me right now," she said tearfully, trying to wipe the wetness from her cheeks. "Because ever since you both got back, I just keep waiting for you to go again, and I don't know how to stop that," she said with another sob, feeling guilty about the admission.
"I..." Iz started, swallowing down a lump in her throat. The conversation with Cameron was replaying through her mind, and she sighed. In the interest of not keeping secrets there was something she had to tell Ali and James. "It's not running if it's a move for a different reason, right? Not an escape, but going to something. Cameron's... he's going home after Christmas. England home," she clarified. "And I said I'd follow him if that was what he wanted. Because he was right. I never once offered to go to him, or follow him anywhere. It was all about me, and me yanking his chain, and he doesn't even feel anything towards the babies because I yanked it all away. I grew up the same moment my ass went crashing to Earth and left me with fucking gravel rash. And the whole thing with James--with you--" Iz held James' gaze as she stroked her fingers through Ali's hair, "you're still my rock. You're still my constant when everything else is fucking up around me, and maybe that's a mistake. Harri and Campbell are your rocks now. And me and Ali will always be... something rocklike but not rocks. I need to find my rock again. I got lost when everything suddenly changed around me, and I didn't recognise anything. I'm sorry to both of you. So much."
By the time she was finished talking, James was just staring at her, an odd sick feeling settling deep in his gut. It seemed that they really were never going to have a chance to get back on track. She wanted to move away to England. At least, that's what it sounded like. She didn't actually indicate anywhere there that she had reunited with Cameron. Pat or Aiden hadn't said anything along those lines either and James realised that he really didn't want her to go. Trying to live without her and Ali had been a big portion of what screwed with his head. But he found himself nodding, even if he was swallowing heavily. He felt close to tears himself now, and when he spoke, his voice was hoarse and choke. "Sure," he agreed softly with a nod. "You gotta do what you gotta do."
Ali was nodding, even if her face had crumbled more and more tears spilled over like a waterfall now. Hearing that Izzy wanted to move away was a shock, and she had to sit down herself, taking the chair closest to her. She knew she was just jetlagged and hormonal, but it wasn't easy. None of this was. It was well overdue and they all knew it, and Ali found herself drawing on the comfort that her husband and daughter were somewhere on the other side of the door waiting for her to try and make peace with her friends, because said husband had picked up on how much it meant to Ali without her having to say much about it. He was more than her rock, he was her bloody whole meteor. It just didn't make it less aching to hear Iz might just not be a big part of her life anymore. She dug around in her handbag for tissues, but all she could find was one of Jamie's bibs, which she used as a makeshift hanky. She hated the times when the tears felt like they would never let up. "Fuck, at least I know I'm not pregnant."
Iz stood for a moment in the same spot she'd been comforting Ali, just looking at James. She was trying to read past the nod because she didn't think he did agree. He just wasn't going to say otherwise. And she actually hadn't said she would move. She doubted Cameron wanted her following him now. She was just a reminder of how much he'd been screwed over. Between the knee, the pregnancy, and Izzy abandoning him, she really couldn't blame him if he had just told her outright to fuck off. But he didn't. Iz continued to look at James, and ran her tongue along her lips in thought. "I didn't say I'd be going. I just said... Cam was just right. As are you, and Ali. None of us are quite making the right moves. Except Ali when she got married, and you when you went back to Harri. They were the right moves. I'm still figuring mine out. Maybe all he needed to know was that me following him was a possibility. Sometimes it's just a verbal give and take that's enough." Isabel was moving over to Ali again, offering some tissues of her own from inside her handbag. "I'm sorry it's not working out yet, Al."
James moved one of the other chairs over up close beside Ali. He wasn't sure if he should touch her at first, but he slipped his arm around her and kissed her head. Ali hadn't mentioned anything to him about how her baby-making attempts were going, but Iz's comment was enough to alert him. He looked up at Izzy helplessly, even though he knew this really wasn't something either of them could help Ali with. It was just one of those things you would give your right nut to help, though. It really was time for him to start realising that Ali still needed a lot of support. She was still floundering in shit alone. She needed her best friends. Izzy probably did too, but again, James wasn't sure how he could help her if she moved away to England. How they could be a threesome BFF unit again. She was the turning point for him, the reason he put himself in a coma to come back as James. Sure, he did it for Harri and Campbell, but he could have continued undercover and still been there for them. He came back this old life for Ali and Izzy. He just never expected it to be this hard. He only realised he was still looking up at Izzy in bewildered confusion over her choice, still not offering anything as to his thoughts. He just cleared his throat and averted his eyes from her. He couldn't be any bearing on her decisions anymore. He would get another partner, and he would continue trying to make things up to Ali, while Izzy tried to find what she needed in England.
"There's nothing to be sorry about, it's fine," Ali said, taking the tissues to wipe her eyes and nose. "It's just on the sidelines, no bother." They had to at least get through December first. She wasn't sure how well Andrew was going to cope with his recent falling off the booze wagon. She didn't think it was going to be easy. At least they had Jamie's first birthday to look forward to. And if Izzy decided to go away, then email would just have to work. Or Ali would need to learn how to lean on other people.
Izzy still had the feeling her two friends had her bags packed, and she wasn't even going anywhere. It had been an idea. It just seemed like no matter what move she made she'd be leaving someone behind. Of course, it really was all premature. There was no way Cameron was taking her back anytime soon. She just hoped the fact he had the ultrasound photo now would give him something to start to bond to the kids with. He would be a good father if he just let himself. Even if Isabel just had to accept the fact he'd be in her life for them, and no other reason. She'd take them to England to see them if that was where he wanted to stay. She'd just learn to deal. And hopefully it would be better than her usual attempts. "Well, we're here if you want to talk. Both of us. And if you want to do the distraction thing, we can do that, too. I have a billion balloons for Jamie's party."
Ali was digging around in her handbag looking for her cell phone. She wasn't going to yell at Andrew. Or maybe just not yell loudly. But the little pocket she usually kept the phone in was empty and a string of colourful expletives fell from her lips as she sniffled back more tears. "Bloody fucking Australian piece of shit wanker tossers," she cursed, shooting James a default glare. Andrew had taken her phone, too! He knew she would probably try to call him to tell him off for his stunt. "What is it with me and Australians?" she complained. It wasn't fair, either, because a year and a half quitting, she really wanted a friggen smoke. "I need a fucking smoke!" she had to declare in frustration and kicked the bottom of a nearby chair for emphasis.
James pressed his lips together. "Don't look at me. The building is non-smoking. I haven't got any with me. I probably need to try and quit anyway, for the kid," he realised, even if he knew he was going to fail miserably. Smoking was stress relief. "I need a fuck, that's what I need. If he doesn't let us out of here soon, I'm getting myself off. Just a warning." He glanced up at Izzy and then exhaled heavily. It didn't take a genius to know there was no way either of them would probably be as close friends as they were trying to be again if she went to England. But life was full of shit choices. James knew that better than anyone, because he kept making the wrong ones.
Izzy smirked as she met James' gaze. She didn't want to dwell on the negatives anymore. "Don't look at me, Fraser. I gave up sex when I stopped fucking you. You're just going to have to turn around and jerk off into the corner. Not sure Harri would be too impressed otherwise." She then bit her lip as she looked sheepishly at Ali, and reached into her purse to fish out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. "I haven't been smoking!" she exclaimed hastily. "I just... carry them."
Ali took the cigarettes with a groan. "You weren't supposed to give them to me!" She squished them between her hands and scrunched her nose up. "No, I have to be strong. I do. Andrew isn't going to want to kiss an ashtray." It was tempting to just light up, though. Once a nicotine addict, always a nicotine addict. But if they set the fire alarms off, they would probably be stuck in here even longer and she was pretty sure she could easily tap into a latent claustrophobia if she tried hard enough. "If his arse wasn't so fucking hot, I would be kicking it by now. He's on my naughty list. You all are, just saying."
James scratched his forehead with his thumb. "Yeah, don't I have a permanent spot on the top of that list already? Written in blood, probably?" he said wryly. The smokes were tempting him, too. Now he wanted a fuck and a smoke. And maybe a pee. "I need a pee," he felt the need to share with them. "Maybe a crap, too. Just saying," he added with a smirk.
"I need a pee, a fuck, a smoke, a crap, and a cry. Just saying," Izzy replied with a grin. "Maybe chocolate. And hugs. I can deal with the naughty list so long as it means we're still friends." She pressed a kiss to Ali's temple and rest her head against her friend's. "You're going to get angry make-up sex. If this even counts as a fight. Just think about that, Al. I'm never going to get sex again, and James has to still wait five weeks."
Ali tilted her head in thought. "Hm. He really does give a good pounding when spurred on enough. I'm still angry at him, though, and it's not fucking fair. You both made me want to pee and crap too. The power of suggestion. Anyone says a threesome and I might actually be up for it," she joked. "And I am such a bitch, but I am so fucking proud of myself right now that I'm getting lots of awesome sex and you both are getting none. Ha. This is payback for last year when you were bollocking each other at every turn and I was vomiting with hemorrhoids and flatulence. And payback for when I had a miscarriage and couldn't get fucked while you were fucking each other again. You can whine all you want, but I've got no sympathy for either of you. Come back and bitch to me when you've had a four year drought. Welcome to my world. I think I might fuck my husband in the hot tub, tonight. Multiple orgasms, lots of tongue action."
James groaned. "You're an evil bitch," he agreed with a nod. "It's worse knowing we deserve it, too. Is it really six weeks you can't have sex after you have a kid?" he moaned, rubbing his hands over his face.
"Hm," Ali agreed non-committally. "Unless you like anal." She merely smirked when James' mouth dropped open and he fell silent.
"Does Harri like anal would be more to the point," Izzy felt the need to insert considering she was the one still pregnant in the room. And right now she didn't like the idea of anal given just how much flatulence she was suffering from. And the hemmoroids. As if her body felt need to remind others of the fact, a loud fart escape and she held her hand up in apology. "Personally I'm okay with a drought. I don't need sex fucking with my head again. I'll just stick with a vibrator. Less trouble. Hey, maybe Harri can stick a big rubber dildo up your ass, James. Since we all know you like anal. Although if Al did want to fool around a little bit I wouldn't say no. Maybe girls are safer. Less cock trouble. Think Andy would like to watch?"
"Yet, you're the one bitching about not getting any," James threw back with a small frown. "And that was a fucking low blow, Iz. Thank you for bringing that up. Appreciate it."
Ali rubbed at her head. "I meant Harri." She could already feel comments building in her ready to jump to Andrew's defense. "I asked for it. I asked him to do it. I wanted to have sex with him. I was falling in love with him and I didn't want to wait any longer. I'm not apologising for it. It had been a long fucking time since someone loved me enough to have sex with me no matter how shit I looked or felt."
"Sorry, I didn't mean it as a low blow," Iz mumbled. And she hadn't. It was perhaps just a comment that had come out blunter than she'd intended. "Was just trying to help. And I wasn't bitching! Just stating a fact. I'll shut up now, okay?" She looked at Ali. "You don't need to explain. I think it's nice that you two had a way. Maybe James and Harri should have a way, too. How long until you take her and Campbell home?"
It wasn't that James forgot he was bisexual. It wasn't something anyone forgot. He had just never thought about it in a physical sense since David was killed. He hadn't slept with a guy since then, and he couldn't help it if it hit like a low blow. Maybe it always would. His mind did turn to his son briefly. He couldn't help but wonder if Campbell would be straight, gay, or bisexual like James. With James and Harri like they were, and Campbell's godfathers being gay, it could really swing either way. Then with that train of thought came an unbelievably strong urge to protect his son from everything and he was so lost in his thoughts, he hadn't realised he had fallen silent.
"He's thinking about Campbell," Ali guessed quietly with a small, fond smile. She gave James a small poke to drag him out of his daydream. "This is my whole point. Sex, fucking, everything. Plays second when you have a kid. It just does. Runny noses, and baby spew, and pee, and filled nappies, and fevers, and crying, and fear and worry... all takes over. No matter how scared shitless you are, there just seems to be something inside that makes you know what you need to do."
"You're both going to be there, right?" Iz felt the need to ask. "Because I'm seriously fucking scared shitless. And you two... you're great. Al's the best mom anyone could hope for, and I know you're just going to love that boy like he's the whole world, James. You won't break him. You're going to love him too much for that to happen. I just... I have two of them! I can't even keep a fucking plant alive."
Ali fell silent. She pulled her lips in between her teeth, unable to speak at first. She hugged herself, then unfolded again and shifted in her chair. She couldn't help that part of her wanted to say no, to punish Izzy for running away and leaving her alone in exactly the same scenario she was pleading she was terrified of now. She was soon hugging herself again and her leg was bouncing a little as she looked down at her feet. She stayed quiet, really wishing Andrew would just open the door again. It might have been a year ago, but she still remembered how horrible it felt to give birth without anyone she loved there to hold on to.
"Is it really a good idea for me to be there?" James had to ask quietly. He had been watching Ali squirm, waiting for her to say something, but nothing came. "I mean, I can be there, but maybe not in the thick of things. Not if you want there to be some sort of open avenue with Cameron. The dude hates me. I had to make myself scarce while Pat introduced Campbell to his brother. I don't know if that's ever going to change. I hurt him just as much as you did. He's not going to appreciate me being there when his kids are born." As the words came out of his mouth, he realised just how much he hated there being a huge rift like that in his family now his son was here. It didn't seem fair. Maybe he needed to try and talk to Cameron? His brow furrowed in thought.
Iz nodded in agreement with James, but her eyes were on Ali. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I am so fucking sorry. I would give you a pound of my flesh if it would make you believe me. I can't take it back, Al. I can't change anything other than being here now. And I know I've fucked that up, too, but I'm... I'm trying." Iz reached out to tuck Ali's hair behind her ear. "I won't go to England. I won't go anywhere. You'll get so sick of me you'll start to tell me to fuck off. You don't have to be there. I mean, I wasn't there for you. I wasn't your yelling person, and I should have been."
Ali welled up again and shook her head, more cursing falling from her lips. It wasn't fair all this had to happen the day she got her period because she hated hormones. She had a feeling she was probably going to spend all of December in a snotty teary mess. "I'll be there, but only because it's horrible to face it on your own. You can't even... you just..." She stopped, huffing out a heavy breath to regain her composure. "It doesn't matter anyway, because if it ever happens again, Andrew will be there with me. I'm not rubbing anything in here, but you guys really need to take a leaf out of his book. You need to stop and realise that sometimes people just need to be taken care of, above what you want yourself. Harri and Cameron, for example. You're never gonna be on the same pages with them if you keep thinking of yourselves as a single unit. When it's the real deal, you've gotta become part of each other, alright? Even if you suck at it sometimes. Izzy, I know you're all scared of how Cameron is going to react when you confront him and all that shit, but go back to him. Drive to Princeton and find him and tell him you want to help him. Don't be a bloody wuss, because he needs you, you don't just need him. And James, get your fucking finger out of your hole and realise this little boy is your fresh start. David's dead. Things with Izzy have ended. Harri and Campbell. We aren't going to be able to fall easily back to being your friend if you keep half your brain and your cock in the past."
Izzy hugged Ali tightly and gave her another kiss. She turned to look at James, not even sure she could say anything more after Ali. Now days if she opened his mouth to him she just wound up hurting him, and that hurt her because he really was a huge part of her soul still. She left Ali for the moment and moved to give James a hug. Or as good as she could give with the baby bump in the way.
James hugged her back and then reached to tug Ali up into the hug too. This was better than killing each other. Ali was right. James did need to get his finger out of his hole. Maybe he needed therapy or something. Time to offload everything piled up in his head so he could move on from it. Campbell really was a fresh start, and even though James was terrified at how much committment the baby boy had created, it wasn't a horrified fear. He was excited and hopeful he could manage to pull it off. He just knew now that he needed Izzy and Ali to pull it off. He had always needed them. It was when he took himself away from them that his world fell apart. Now matter how much they had hurt each other, it was time to realise where the priorities were lying now.
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