RP Log with cameronpreston | Nowhere to Run
[Follows anything involving the birth of agentfraser and straight2point's son. Backdated.]
Cameron wouldn't lie. He wasn't happy about being here in New York at Mount Sinai hospital. The difficult part was, Pat's new godson was here and he wanted Cameron to meet him, of course. Cameron did understand that bit, especially with Pat's sensitivity about children of his own. He more than valued when his loved ones were able to have children of their own, even if it did sting a little. Pat was a strong guy, and could see over that to be happy for other people. He loved kids. That was why it was so difficult for Cameron to understand why Pat wouldn't just do anything to get one of his own. It wasn't on the menu anymore, though. Pat had to painfully tell Lachlan that he wasn't going to take their offer of Tara as a surrogate. It was the right thing to do; Lachlan had been so cut up with Tara's illness taking a serious dive, putting both her life and little RJ's at risk. They were just too precious to him, and Pat wouldn't be able to live with himself to put that on line for his own benefit. No one could argue that Tara's health could be precarious, and had especially been when she was pregnant with RJ. Pat wanted Lachlan to have that special experience of RJ's birth unique to him. Pat's heart always broke when someone's close to him was. But that didn't mean that Cameron didn't know how much Pat was still hurting with it, and Aiden too.
So, with the arrival of Lachlan's parents from Scotland to help out in Princeton, Cameron and Pat were able to disappear for a little while to make the trek to New York to meet the new arrival. Aiden was already there, so the drive meant Pat and Cameron automatically just slipped into twin mode, chatting the whole way about piles of different things. It was good bonding time, and Cameron once again appreciated spending the time with his brother. Of everything they spoke about, however, one subject was continuously left on the sidelines - Izzy. And now that Cameron was actually at the hospital sitting in the hall while Pat and Aiden visited Harri and the baby boy, Izzy still wasn't a subject that crossed Cameron's mind and it left him off-guard. Maybe he should have contemplated it, but it had become so easy to not think about her lately. Everytime he tried to sort through it in his head, he got discontent. Which is mostly the reason why he wasn't happy about being here in the first place. Campbell might be Pat's godson, but he was also James' son. James, who had Izzy drooling her way back to his cock because she needed 'closure'. And then closure wasn't enough. Cameron could never be quite sure why he had to be the bad guy for walking away from the situation to protect himself when she hardly even seemed to consider him in the whole screwed up scenario. All she wanted was to fuck her ex, nevermind that Cameron got hurt in the process when he was already wondering who the fuck he pissed off in a past life to deserve what he was being lumped with. Losing the use of his knee, and possibly losing his career, then Pat landing in hospital again, to Izzy telling him she was pregnant and before he even had a chance to get used to that and just when he was falling in love with her, ripping it away from him by launching herself on James Fraser's cock and then declaring she still loved him.
Yeah, Cameron was bitter, alright. Not to mention the fact that considering the way it played out, Cameron felt used and like some sort of blow up doll to bide her time with while James fart-arsed about and decided he wanted to whistle to her for another shot, while his other half was about ready to give birth. The only thing that had Cameron wondering if maybe the kids were his was the fact that she wouldn't have purposefully picked his sperm to knock her up when she could have James Fraser's. Cameron scrubbed a hand over his face, thinking about the odd sex with Harri and wishing to fuck he never did it, especially now it was all happy families and apparently everything was resolved with James along with a healthy dose of sunshine, daisies, and happiness. Talk about being James fucking Fraser's sloppy seconds. But when he took his hand down, he suddenly found himself with an eyeful of Izzy, now standing just a few feet away from him, frozen as she stared back at him. Cameron suddenly became aware of how restricted with the crutches he was and had no way of escaping quickly. And worse, these days whenever things got hard or awkward, Cameron felt his homesickness kick in tenfold and all he could do was sigh and look down at his feet.
Izzy couldn't run much these days either. It was kind of ironic. She finally had a reason to stay put in places. Maybe she should have gotten knocked up when she'd tried to walk down the aisle before. She knew she was messed up. She knew she had a short-circuit in her brain when it came to commitment and being with one person for the rest of her life. Only there had been one very real difference recently.
She hadn't really loved any of those other guys. She had loved Cameron. Still did, and she knew that more than ever even as she stood in front of him like a knocked up bunny in headlights. Running to James had been the one thing she had promised Cameron she would never do. And the one thing she really did hate herself for. James had been familiar, something her brain could understand. Being pregnant, starting to realise she was in love with someone she didn't fully know - that had scared her more than she'd ever admitted. Especially to herself.
She'd lied, she'd fucked up, and she'd run away just like she always had. She didn't have James as a safety blanket anymore. She hadn't seen him since the party, today the first day she'd dared to come to the hospital. A part of her was wondering if Harri would kick her out, but James was still her best friend. They'd resolved the one thing they had needed to for years - their feelings for each other. And now James was where he should be.
With his son, and with the mother of his child. He loved Harri. Isabel understood that now. She didn't even know how James had got her back, but right now she wished he was here, feeding advice into her ear because she had no idea how she was ever going to make it up to Cameron. She realised she had still been staring at him, and quickly blinked before pulling her bag off her shoulder and rummaging through it. Inside was an envelope with his name on it that she'd been carrying since Ali's wedding. She'd never had a chance to give it to him that night. She closed to gap between them, still standing as she held it out for him. It was images from her last ultrasound. Pictures of their twins.
Cameron really could have been the bastard here. He had a definite arsehole streak when he wanted to. He couldn't play a competetive sport professionally and not. He could have told her to fuck off, told her to leave him the hell alone. He would be lying if he didn't admit there was a slight urge to do so. He just didn't want to put himself in the firing line to get hurt anymore. And he didn't take the envelope at first. He visibly fought an internal battle whether he even wanted to, just looking at it in her hand without saying anything. The only thing was, he really wasn't a bastard. It couldn't be denied that he was Patrick Preston's twin, so some of that had to rub off. They weren't as different as they seemed at the end of the day, Cameron was just sheltered his emotions a lot more than Pat did. He didn't as easily connect to people like Pat had a natural flare to, and he didn't deal with hurt with half as much the strength his brother had.
He took the envelope, tearing it open and then briefly looked over the images that had been inside. He was immediately drawn back to the first ultrasound he had attended with her when they discovered it was twins. Right after was when all the shit hit the fan. He never had a chance to feel anything about it, he was never given the luxury of processing it. She took it all away. "What do you want me to say?" he finally asked, his voice quiet as his blue eyes finally shifted from the prints up to her face. "Do you want child support? Is that it? Whatever you need. I don't know the laws for that sort of thing here."
Iz frowned for a moment, not sure she'd really heard Cameron. "What? No... I don't want child support. I'm not asking for anything. I just thought you might like them. That you'd want to know they were healthy, and doing okay." She pressed a hand to her stomach, not sure if the twins had just started moving at the sound of their father's voice, or if it was indigestion. "I don't know what I want you to say. Ali's been asking me for so long... I don't even know what I'm supposed to say. I just... I wanted you to have those."
Cameron glanced at the photos again before his attention was back on her. "I can think of a few choice things I'd like to say, but I doubt any of them are appropriate for a maternity ward corridor," he admitted, but all that was heard in his voice was lethargy. The anger was too hard to maintain anymore. He didn't want to feel like that anymore because it was about as worse as he ever felt, save for when Pat nearly died and news broke that Lachlan had been shot. "I figured you'd made your choice," he murmured and held the photos back out to her.
Izzy pushed them back towards him. "I have my own copies. And I made a shitty choice. I made the easy choice because I was doing what I always did. And I was scared, and instead of facing things with you, I faced them against you. And I'm sorry. I also think you should just say the choice things because you need to. Fuck the maternity ward. Pretty sure a lot worse would have been heard in delivery rooms."
"This isn't a delivery room. People are actually happy here. Who are we to fuck them over of that? It's not just about us," Cameron said pointedly and leant forward, his weight shifting to his arms where his hands were braced on the edge of the seat. "You didn't face anything against me, Isabel. You used me, even if half the time you didn't know it. It's the other half of the time that pisses me off the most. You should never have strung me along. I gave you a chance to prove to me that I actually meant something to you, and you pissed all over it from great heights."
Isabel took a breath before she dared to sit down next to Cameron, her teeth catching her lip as she watched him and fought with herself not to reach out and touch him. "Look, I know I don't deserve it, but please... maybe over time you could just consider forgiving me? Maybe even a second chance. We're never going to be able to pick up from what we were, but we could start fresh. Just little baby steps. Like being able to sit next to me and not want to bolt. I could always try and get you some sort of teleporter to make it easier on your knee."
Cameron had to look at her in disbelief for a few moments before he realised she had said what he thought she did. "A second chance? I wasn't the one who bolted, Isabel. You did a good job of that all on your own. My brother and his family are here. I wouldn't piss off even if I wanted to. I'm starting to realise my priorities of late. Are you?" he threw back at her. "How the hell am I supposed to ever trust you again? That's not a rhetorical question."
Izzy's face twisted with pain before she gave a small nod. Yes, she'd been stupid enough to mention a second chance. "Small steps," she repeated. "Trust comes over time. I'm not asking for an instant fix. I am realising my priorties because I'd rather commit myself to a lifetime of making this up to you than anything else. If it takes ten years for you to realise you can trust me - I'll be here. If it takes you twenty - I'll still be here. And so will our kids, because I'm hoping that at least in twenty years I'll have popped them out."
Cameron wondered how he could managed to get such a headache at such a rapid pace. "No steps. I'm going home," he told her with a heavy sigh. "I need to go home. Maybe back then I might have considered sticking around until I knew where I stood with my career. I was going to stick around for you because I thought there had been something to stick around for. But I'm going home. I need to. It might have been easy for you just to walk away and warm someone else's bed without worrying how it was affecting anyone else, but I've had to sit around and dig my way out of the shit. And thank fucking god for Pat and Aiden, or I would've given up long ago."
"Oh," Isabel said softly. Then she gave a nod. "I, um... I guess this really is goodbye then." Izzy searched her brain for something, anything to say. But there was nothing. She couldn't keep apologising. She couldn't keep asking to be forgiven when he wanted to do anything but. She'd hurt him, and this is what she got for it. And Ali was right. Everyone else was right. He needed to go home. He couldn't stay if there was no reason to. "Will you... Will you come back for the birth?" The question was out before she could stop and she stared at him as a squeak of realisation escaped.
Cameron was quiet for a long time, his eyes on his feet, and the only indication he was even reacting was swallowing and wetting his lips. "You know, you never once asked me why I needed to go home. Never once offered to go with me. Always expected me to sacrifice for you. It was always all about you, wasn't it? I didn't have to come to America after my accident, but I did because you wanted me to. I turned a blind eye to the fact you were there with him. I turned a blind eye to the way you were looking at him. I turned a blind eye to how you reacted when he was in the room. It was your pain, your loss when you thought he was dead, how you couldn't cope, how you ran away again, how you didn't have closure. Where was the 'we' in all this, because I completely missed it. At best, it was an us, with him included."
Izzy blinked. "Would you even want me to offer to come now? I would, you know. I'd follow you in a heartbeat."
"For what?" Cameron asked her. "You've got everything you need and want right here. Right down to being pregnant," he added gesturing to her stomach.
"For you," Isabel replied, gazing at him steadily. "I don't have everything I want and need. But I guess I do have being pregnant. I'm just sorry it got soured by all the fuck-ups. Do you want me to go with you? Even for a little while. Unless you want the twins born over there. Where do you want them born?"
Cameron shifted his leg to stretch it out a little. Ironically, he was getting used to these hospital chairs after helping Lachlan out in the recent weeks as much as he could while Tara was ill. That didn't mean he didn't hate them. "I can't answer that," he realised and folded his arms across his stomach. "I haven't had a chance to feel anything for them. You took that away from me. They don't feel like mine."
Izzy ran her fingers through her long dark hair. "Then what can I do to change that? Because they are yours. I don't want you to miss out. I don't want you to wind up like Mark and Sunshine. Even though Andy's a great father to her."
By now, Cameron was drumming his fingers restlessly against his arm. He couldn't help feeling uncomfortable, and he needed Pat. He always needed Pat when something threw him out of his comfort zone. He shrugged just little. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I'm not... going anywhere until New Year. Christmas here again, RJ's first birthday. He hasn't been well, I've been trying to help out. Lachlan needs it while Tara's out of action. United front and all that. Maybe we should just see what happens."
Iz nodded. "Yes, of course. I hope he'll be alright. Same with Tara." She glanced past Cameron to Harri's room, her decision to come visit James and Campbell suddenly shifting. She turned her head to look back down the hall the way she came, and wondered if it was be easier taking the stairs than waiting for the elevator and being aware that Cameron was only a few feet away. And still out of reach. "It's good that you're helping. You looked very comfortable with the tiny Yoda at the reception. I should... I should go. I didn't mean to intrude. Didn't know you were here. I guess, um... I guess I might see you around."
"He's a good kid. We nearly lost him." Cameron cleared his throat to try and dislodge a lump of emotion that had lodged itself there. Aiden had been a mess after finding RJ in that state, and Lachlan had been inconsolable. Cameron had basically felt useless, but hung around anyway. And kept hanging around as much as he could until RJ was out of the woods. There wasn't any point offloading onto her, though. She obviously wanted to go. Pat should be done soon, and Cameron wondered if he could convince his twin to take him to the nearest bar for a drink. "Yeah, see you around."
Izzy hesitated, watching him and hearing the change in his voice. Before she could think about it, Isabel leaned in and kissed Cameron's temple softly. Her forehead rest against his head briefly and she took a deep breath as she caught her scent. A smell that had been missing from her life for far too long. He always smelled good. "I'm staying with my sister if you ever need me... I'll prove that I can be there for you, Cameron." She pulled back before she'd do anything to jeapordise the tiny stolen moment and stood up. "Say hello to Pat and Aiden for me."
Cameron didn't actually want to voice the opinion that Aiden probably wouldn't welcome the sentiment but he just nodded, sitting forward and hugging his arms around himself again. "See you," he mumured with a slight wave with his fingers. Now if only he knew what the fuck he was supposed to do next.
Words: 3345
Cameron wouldn't lie. He wasn't happy about being here in New York at Mount Sinai hospital. The difficult part was, Pat's new godson was here and he wanted Cameron to meet him, of course. Cameron did understand that bit, especially with Pat's sensitivity about children of his own. He more than valued when his loved ones were able to have children of their own, even if it did sting a little. Pat was a strong guy, and could see over that to be happy for other people. He loved kids. That was why it was so difficult for Cameron to understand why Pat wouldn't just do anything to get one of his own. It wasn't on the menu anymore, though. Pat had to painfully tell Lachlan that he wasn't going to take their offer of Tara as a surrogate. It was the right thing to do; Lachlan had been so cut up with Tara's illness taking a serious dive, putting both her life and little RJ's at risk. They were just too precious to him, and Pat wouldn't be able to live with himself to put that on line for his own benefit. No one could argue that Tara's health could be precarious, and had especially been when she was pregnant with RJ. Pat wanted Lachlan to have that special experience of RJ's birth unique to him. Pat's heart always broke when someone's close to him was. But that didn't mean that Cameron didn't know how much Pat was still hurting with it, and Aiden too.
So, with the arrival of Lachlan's parents from Scotland to help out in Princeton, Cameron and Pat were able to disappear for a little while to make the trek to New York to meet the new arrival. Aiden was already there, so the drive meant Pat and Cameron automatically just slipped into twin mode, chatting the whole way about piles of different things. It was good bonding time, and Cameron once again appreciated spending the time with his brother. Of everything they spoke about, however, one subject was continuously left on the sidelines - Izzy. And now that Cameron was actually at the hospital sitting in the hall while Pat and Aiden visited Harri and the baby boy, Izzy still wasn't a subject that crossed Cameron's mind and it left him off-guard. Maybe he should have contemplated it, but it had become so easy to not think about her lately. Everytime he tried to sort through it in his head, he got discontent. Which is mostly the reason why he wasn't happy about being here in the first place. Campbell might be Pat's godson, but he was also James' son. James, who had Izzy drooling her way back to his cock because she needed 'closure'. And then closure wasn't enough. Cameron could never be quite sure why he had to be the bad guy for walking away from the situation to protect himself when she hardly even seemed to consider him in the whole screwed up scenario. All she wanted was to fuck her ex, nevermind that Cameron got hurt in the process when he was already wondering who the fuck he pissed off in a past life to deserve what he was being lumped with. Losing the use of his knee, and possibly losing his career, then Pat landing in hospital again, to Izzy telling him she was pregnant and before he even had a chance to get used to that and just when he was falling in love with her, ripping it away from him by launching herself on James Fraser's cock and then declaring she still loved him.
Yeah, Cameron was bitter, alright. Not to mention the fact that considering the way it played out, Cameron felt used and like some sort of blow up doll to bide her time with while James fart-arsed about and decided he wanted to whistle to her for another shot, while his other half was about ready to give birth. The only thing that had Cameron wondering if maybe the kids were his was the fact that she wouldn't have purposefully picked his sperm to knock her up when she could have James Fraser's. Cameron scrubbed a hand over his face, thinking about the odd sex with Harri and wishing to fuck he never did it, especially now it was all happy families and apparently everything was resolved with James along with a healthy dose of sunshine, daisies, and happiness. Talk about being James fucking Fraser's sloppy seconds. But when he took his hand down, he suddenly found himself with an eyeful of Izzy, now standing just a few feet away from him, frozen as she stared back at him. Cameron suddenly became aware of how restricted with the crutches he was and had no way of escaping quickly. And worse, these days whenever things got hard or awkward, Cameron felt his homesickness kick in tenfold and all he could do was sigh and look down at his feet.
Izzy couldn't run much these days either. It was kind of ironic. She finally had a reason to stay put in places. Maybe she should have gotten knocked up when she'd tried to walk down the aisle before. She knew she was messed up. She knew she had a short-circuit in her brain when it came to commitment and being with one person for the rest of her life. Only there had been one very real difference recently.
She hadn't really loved any of those other guys. She had loved Cameron. Still did, and she knew that more than ever even as she stood in front of him like a knocked up bunny in headlights. Running to James had been the one thing she had promised Cameron she would never do. And the one thing she really did hate herself for. James had been familiar, something her brain could understand. Being pregnant, starting to realise she was in love with someone she didn't fully know - that had scared her more than she'd ever admitted. Especially to herself.
She'd lied, she'd fucked up, and she'd run away just like she always had. She didn't have James as a safety blanket anymore. She hadn't seen him since the party, today the first day she'd dared to come to the hospital. A part of her was wondering if Harri would kick her out, but James was still her best friend. They'd resolved the one thing they had needed to for years - their feelings for each other. And now James was where he should be.
With his son, and with the mother of his child. He loved Harri. Isabel understood that now. She didn't even know how James had got her back, but right now she wished he was here, feeding advice into her ear because she had no idea how she was ever going to make it up to Cameron. She realised she had still been staring at him, and quickly blinked before pulling her bag off her shoulder and rummaging through it. Inside was an envelope with his name on it that she'd been carrying since Ali's wedding. She'd never had a chance to give it to him that night. She closed to gap between them, still standing as she held it out for him. It was images from her last ultrasound. Pictures of their twins.
Cameron really could have been the bastard here. He had a definite arsehole streak when he wanted to. He couldn't play a competetive sport professionally and not. He could have told her to fuck off, told her to leave him the hell alone. He would be lying if he didn't admit there was a slight urge to do so. He just didn't want to put himself in the firing line to get hurt anymore. And he didn't take the envelope at first. He visibly fought an internal battle whether he even wanted to, just looking at it in her hand without saying anything. The only thing was, he really wasn't a bastard. It couldn't be denied that he was Patrick Preston's twin, so some of that had to rub off. They weren't as different as they seemed at the end of the day, Cameron was just sheltered his emotions a lot more than Pat did. He didn't as easily connect to people like Pat had a natural flare to, and he didn't deal with hurt with half as much the strength his brother had.
He took the envelope, tearing it open and then briefly looked over the images that had been inside. He was immediately drawn back to the first ultrasound he had attended with her when they discovered it was twins. Right after was when all the shit hit the fan. He never had a chance to feel anything about it, he was never given the luxury of processing it. She took it all away. "What do you want me to say?" he finally asked, his voice quiet as his blue eyes finally shifted from the prints up to her face. "Do you want child support? Is that it? Whatever you need. I don't know the laws for that sort of thing here."
Iz frowned for a moment, not sure she'd really heard Cameron. "What? No... I don't want child support. I'm not asking for anything. I just thought you might like them. That you'd want to know they were healthy, and doing okay." She pressed a hand to her stomach, not sure if the twins had just started moving at the sound of their father's voice, or if it was indigestion. "I don't know what I want you to say. Ali's been asking me for so long... I don't even know what I'm supposed to say. I just... I wanted you to have those."
Cameron glanced at the photos again before his attention was back on her. "I can think of a few choice things I'd like to say, but I doubt any of them are appropriate for a maternity ward corridor," he admitted, but all that was heard in his voice was lethargy. The anger was too hard to maintain anymore. He didn't want to feel like that anymore because it was about as worse as he ever felt, save for when Pat nearly died and news broke that Lachlan had been shot. "I figured you'd made your choice," he murmured and held the photos back out to her.
Izzy pushed them back towards him. "I have my own copies. And I made a shitty choice. I made the easy choice because I was doing what I always did. And I was scared, and instead of facing things with you, I faced them against you. And I'm sorry. I also think you should just say the choice things because you need to. Fuck the maternity ward. Pretty sure a lot worse would have been heard in delivery rooms."
"This isn't a delivery room. People are actually happy here. Who are we to fuck them over of that? It's not just about us," Cameron said pointedly and leant forward, his weight shifting to his arms where his hands were braced on the edge of the seat. "You didn't face anything against me, Isabel. You used me, even if half the time you didn't know it. It's the other half of the time that pisses me off the most. You should never have strung me along. I gave you a chance to prove to me that I actually meant something to you, and you pissed all over it from great heights."
Isabel took a breath before she dared to sit down next to Cameron, her teeth catching her lip as she watched him and fought with herself not to reach out and touch him. "Look, I know I don't deserve it, but please... maybe over time you could just consider forgiving me? Maybe even a second chance. We're never going to be able to pick up from what we were, but we could start fresh. Just little baby steps. Like being able to sit next to me and not want to bolt. I could always try and get you some sort of teleporter to make it easier on your knee."
Cameron had to look at her in disbelief for a few moments before he realised she had said what he thought she did. "A second chance? I wasn't the one who bolted, Isabel. You did a good job of that all on your own. My brother and his family are here. I wouldn't piss off even if I wanted to. I'm starting to realise my priorities of late. Are you?" he threw back at her. "How the hell am I supposed to ever trust you again? That's not a rhetorical question."
Izzy's face twisted with pain before she gave a small nod. Yes, she'd been stupid enough to mention a second chance. "Small steps," she repeated. "Trust comes over time. I'm not asking for an instant fix. I am realising my priorties because I'd rather commit myself to a lifetime of making this up to you than anything else. If it takes ten years for you to realise you can trust me - I'll be here. If it takes you twenty - I'll still be here. And so will our kids, because I'm hoping that at least in twenty years I'll have popped them out."
Cameron wondered how he could managed to get such a headache at such a rapid pace. "No steps. I'm going home," he told her with a heavy sigh. "I need to go home. Maybe back then I might have considered sticking around until I knew where I stood with my career. I was going to stick around for you because I thought there had been something to stick around for. But I'm going home. I need to. It might have been easy for you just to walk away and warm someone else's bed without worrying how it was affecting anyone else, but I've had to sit around and dig my way out of the shit. And thank fucking god for Pat and Aiden, or I would've given up long ago."
"Oh," Isabel said softly. Then she gave a nod. "I, um... I guess this really is goodbye then." Izzy searched her brain for something, anything to say. But there was nothing. She couldn't keep apologising. She couldn't keep asking to be forgiven when he wanted to do anything but. She'd hurt him, and this is what she got for it. And Ali was right. Everyone else was right. He needed to go home. He couldn't stay if there was no reason to. "Will you... Will you come back for the birth?" The question was out before she could stop and she stared at him as a squeak of realisation escaped.
Cameron was quiet for a long time, his eyes on his feet, and the only indication he was even reacting was swallowing and wetting his lips. "You know, you never once asked me why I needed to go home. Never once offered to go with me. Always expected me to sacrifice for you. It was always all about you, wasn't it? I didn't have to come to America after my accident, but I did because you wanted me to. I turned a blind eye to the fact you were there with him. I turned a blind eye to the way you were looking at him. I turned a blind eye to how you reacted when he was in the room. It was your pain, your loss when you thought he was dead, how you couldn't cope, how you ran away again, how you didn't have closure. Where was the 'we' in all this, because I completely missed it. At best, it was an us, with him included."
Izzy blinked. "Would you even want me to offer to come now? I would, you know. I'd follow you in a heartbeat."
"For what?" Cameron asked her. "You've got everything you need and want right here. Right down to being pregnant," he added gesturing to her stomach.
"For you," Isabel replied, gazing at him steadily. "I don't have everything I want and need. But I guess I do have being pregnant. I'm just sorry it got soured by all the fuck-ups. Do you want me to go with you? Even for a little while. Unless you want the twins born over there. Where do you want them born?"
Cameron shifted his leg to stretch it out a little. Ironically, he was getting used to these hospital chairs after helping Lachlan out in the recent weeks as much as he could while Tara was ill. That didn't mean he didn't hate them. "I can't answer that," he realised and folded his arms across his stomach. "I haven't had a chance to feel anything for them. You took that away from me. They don't feel like mine."
Izzy ran her fingers through her long dark hair. "Then what can I do to change that? Because they are yours. I don't want you to miss out. I don't want you to wind up like Mark and Sunshine. Even though Andy's a great father to her."
By now, Cameron was drumming his fingers restlessly against his arm. He couldn't help feeling uncomfortable, and he needed Pat. He always needed Pat when something threw him out of his comfort zone. He shrugged just little. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I'm not... going anywhere until New Year. Christmas here again, RJ's first birthday. He hasn't been well, I've been trying to help out. Lachlan needs it while Tara's out of action. United front and all that. Maybe we should just see what happens."
Iz nodded. "Yes, of course. I hope he'll be alright. Same with Tara." She glanced past Cameron to Harri's room, her decision to come visit James and Campbell suddenly shifting. She turned her head to look back down the hall the way she came, and wondered if it was be easier taking the stairs than waiting for the elevator and being aware that Cameron was only a few feet away. And still out of reach. "It's good that you're helping. You looked very comfortable with the tiny Yoda at the reception. I should... I should go. I didn't mean to intrude. Didn't know you were here. I guess, um... I guess I might see you around."
"He's a good kid. We nearly lost him." Cameron cleared his throat to try and dislodge a lump of emotion that had lodged itself there. Aiden had been a mess after finding RJ in that state, and Lachlan had been inconsolable. Cameron had basically felt useless, but hung around anyway. And kept hanging around as much as he could until RJ was out of the woods. There wasn't any point offloading onto her, though. She obviously wanted to go. Pat should be done soon, and Cameron wondered if he could convince his twin to take him to the nearest bar for a drink. "Yeah, see you around."
Izzy hesitated, watching him and hearing the change in his voice. Before she could think about it, Isabel leaned in and kissed Cameron's temple softly. Her forehead rest against his head briefly and she took a deep breath as she caught her scent. A smell that had been missing from her life for far too long. He always smelled good. "I'm staying with my sister if you ever need me... I'll prove that I can be there for you, Cameron." She pulled back before she'd do anything to jeapordise the tiny stolen moment and stood up. "Say hello to Pat and Aiden for me."
Cameron didn't actually want to voice the opinion that Aiden probably wouldn't welcome the sentiment but he just nodded, sitting forward and hugging his arms around himself again. "See you," he mumured with a slight wave with his fingers. Now if only he knew what the fuck he was supposed to do next.
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