I had a discernment epiphany...
But first! I wrote the last 2 days and didn't post.
But 2nd! Dream! I was in the Philippines and I just remember a guy going around giving like those hostess / entenmann individual pies. I remember him handing me one, but then I was in a store of some type. Selling a lot of Filipino snacks / candies and I was gonna do a boomerang of walking down an aisle, but I was waiting for the guy to come back with my pie. So I walked around the store waiting for him to come. And for some reason I couldn't take said boomerang without having my pie first. So I walk around getting snacks / candy. Thinking of getting some souvenir tshirts for my coworkers... I eventually get my pie so I try to take my pic, but there are more people in the store now it's hard to get a shot without people walking through. 7500centfish was there, like always, but then I remember bumping into Jennie. I'm by some window trying to take my vid, but then when I view the vid it's a completely different video. Like a video I wasn't even present for. Jennie then takes my camera... I had thought I was using my tablet, but when she took whatever I was holding it was a camera. My Dad's camera actually and she pulled out the battery to reset it, like somehow the old pictures that were taken we blocking the ability to preview my pictures. Jennie then hands the camera back to me. I then see Dad and he's looking at a bike they have for sale asking me if I remember back in the day when I was riding one. He was then talking about how it's better quality to some US made brand and that we need to support locals. For some reason that prompts me to forget about taking the boomerang and just pay for what I had picked up and get out of the store.
Anyway, my epiphany. I've been praying... To know which path to take. The one that will lead to Christian joy, sanctification... I want to be so close to God our faces are touching, being burned by His glory and crazy thought like that. Lol. But then I had this sudden / weird epiphany... Like... Maybe that path is through suffering... Whoa... I mean, like I said, it's crazy thoughts and part of me was laughing, but suddenly now... I'm hit with the seriousness of it. But then maybe it stems from the doubts I have about myself. Like... I wouldn't even say I'm a pessimist and I feel overall I'm a joyful person even if it doesn't seem that way. But like... I don't see joy in being "forced" to do things, like say, volunteer for my parish. I fear not being compatible with a spouse. I'm just struggling with the what ifs of the future. But like... What if part of my sanctification is through suffering. Like real suffering? Not spats with my mother and the like. But real poverty and real hardship. Can I find Christian joy in that? Ugh... I can't find the definition. But I've heard, Christian joy is not the same as happiness. It's like a knowledge of... What that "of" is I can't remember, but like something about truth? Pope Francis says it is 'joy in hope'. Not that I'll purposely choose the hard path or put myself in a situation that will make me unhappy. Yeah... That was my epiphany.
Also been thinking of exercising. Once again, not ballooning. But like I said, my BS has been creeping. And... Like I said, I still struggle with appetite and... I guess I can thank laziness I won't go overboard and become emaciated? Lol.
In other other news... Maybe the Gatorade is adding to my BS too. I've been using powder and not the bottles. Like I said, I think I need the electrolytes? But maybe I don't need to be drinking 3 to 6 cups of it a day? Maybe I can fit into my schedule to at least drink some... So... I might have to bring a separate bottle? Like get those 20oz bottle and have my regular 48? Or... Maybe get Garotade zero? Or G2? I dunno... I'm kind leaning more drinking less of the regular vs just as much of the sugar less. I mean... I need electrolytes, but not that much.
Lol. What is it with Mom and 7500centfish not knowing about Fire Island??? Maybe it's because I was into bway / bway celebs? In a sense it reminds me of when geebs was shocked I knew what slash fiction was. Not that I read it, but yeah... When you're fan of the X files and people want to slash Mulder / Krycek...
Random comment... I caught a part of Dr. L's counseling to parents during physicals. He's saying 7 is a good time to introduce kids to religion and like cultural... Morals isn't the word... Practice? Anyway, no, that's too late... From all I've been hearing from youth ministers kids "leave" the faith / stop believing in God at age 11 to 13. Like if they still went to church because parents made them and even some who did believe they seem to really leave by college. Even then it's mostly because they just fall away for no other reason than they're no longer at home.
Texts.
Tweets.
- Day 1
- Teenagers are gross!!! It's not the first time! But someone left pubes all over the toilet! I've also seen freaking menstrual fluid, turds, etc. Gross! So that was my day. Lol.
- I also awkwardly excused my self with a patient. A parent came in and Leyda wasn't at the front desk so I came up from my hole to help. I asked if her kid had a physical for the year. She was scheduled next week and... Leyda showed up. At first we were kinda mutually answering her, but then since Leyda was on the computer / looking at the schedule she took control. And since I had started the convo, I just didn't want to walk off. But then... It was getting awkward that I was just standing around not contributing anymore. So I kinda started slowly walking off. But then at some point I was like... Frak it, I'm outie and just bolted off! HAHAHAHA!!! So after Marna came up and the convo started again because Marna has seniority and can pull strings Leyda and I can't. So the Mother basically had to repeat herself 3 times!
- Do we have new neighbors? Seems like there were way more fireworks. Like usually we'd get a few pops here and there, but I feel like it was constant from like 8 to 11.
- [The 5th] in the US it was the Feast of St. Elizabeth of Portugal. [The 4th] it was elsewhere in the world. Anyway, made me wonder. She is a great niece of St. Elizabeth of Hungary, but then... In terms of their iconography how are they different? They seem to be both royalty and they're both attributed to have a miracle of roses. St. E of H is typical to have a bread basket with her, but if I'm not mistaken St. E of P does too?
- Chatting with Amazon. Like... I just want to tell them my package was practically open on my doorstep,. I do not want a refund! And I was transferred to someone else? And they still gave me a discount...
- Is it a British thing? I've been watching carpet cleaning vids. Because he keeps talking about the carpet being outside... Do people use carpets outdoors??? Like actual carpets and not like fake grass astro turf things?
- Day 2
- RIP Todd. 🙏 Copper got the fox dog toy I bought him. When Jennie said Copper immediately killed it, I was expecting a pic of it torn apart. Lol. No, it's just spread out of the floor like a murder victim. At some point I'll have to get it dragon toys because #dragonparty! But... Unlike the other members, Copper is a big dog so...
- Tom Chaplin has a new solo album coming out in Sept.
But 2nd! Dream! I was in the Philippines and I just remember a guy going around giving like those hostess / entenmann individual pies. I remember him handing me one, but then I was in a store of some type. Selling a lot of Filipino snacks / candies and I was gonna do a boomerang of walking down an aisle, but I was waiting for the guy to come back with my pie. So I walked around the store waiting for him to come. And for some reason I couldn't take said boomerang without having my pie first. So I walk around getting snacks / candy. Thinking of getting some souvenir tshirts for my coworkers... I eventually get my pie so I try to take my pic, but there are more people in the store now it's hard to get a shot without people walking through. 7500centfish was there, like always, but then I remember bumping into Jennie. I'm by some window trying to take my vid, but then when I view the vid it's a completely different video. Like a video I wasn't even present for. Jennie then takes my camera... I had thought I was using my tablet, but when she took whatever I was holding it was a camera. My Dad's camera actually and she pulled out the battery to reset it, like somehow the old pictures that were taken we blocking the ability to preview my pictures. Jennie then hands the camera back to me. I then see Dad and he's looking at a bike they have for sale asking me if I remember back in the day when I was riding one. He was then talking about how it's better quality to some US made brand and that we need to support locals. For some reason that prompts me to forget about taking the boomerang and just pay for what I had picked up and get out of the store.
Anyway, my epiphany. I've been praying... To know which path to take. The one that will lead to Christian joy, sanctification... I want to be so close to God our faces are touching, being burned by His glory and crazy thought like that. Lol. But then I had this sudden / weird epiphany... Like... Maybe that path is through suffering... Whoa... I mean, like I said, it's crazy thoughts and part of me was laughing, but suddenly now... I'm hit with the seriousness of it. But then maybe it stems from the doubts I have about myself. Like... I wouldn't even say I'm a pessimist and I feel overall I'm a joyful person even if it doesn't seem that way. But like... I don't see joy in being "forced" to do things, like say, volunteer for my parish. I fear not being compatible with a spouse. I'm just struggling with the what ifs of the future. But like... What if part of my sanctification is through suffering. Like real suffering? Not spats with my mother and the like. But real poverty and real hardship. Can I find Christian joy in that? Ugh... I can't find the definition. But I've heard, Christian joy is not the same as happiness. It's like a knowledge of... What that "of" is I can't remember, but like something about truth? Pope Francis says it is 'joy in hope'. Not that I'll purposely choose the hard path or put myself in a situation that will make me unhappy. Yeah... That was my epiphany.
Also been thinking of exercising. Once again, not ballooning. But like I said, my BS has been creeping. And... Like I said, I still struggle with appetite and... I guess I can thank laziness I won't go overboard and become emaciated? Lol.
In other other news... Maybe the Gatorade is adding to my BS too. I've been using powder and not the bottles. Like I said, I think I need the electrolytes? But maybe I don't need to be drinking 3 to 6 cups of it a day? Maybe I can fit into my schedule to at least drink some... So... I might have to bring a separate bottle? Like get those 20oz bottle and have my regular 48? Or... Maybe get Garotade zero? Or G2? I dunno... I'm kind leaning more drinking less of the regular vs just as much of the sugar less. I mean... I need electrolytes, but not that much.
Lol. What is it with Mom and 7500centfish not knowing about Fire Island??? Maybe it's because I was into bway / bway celebs? In a sense it reminds me of when geebs was shocked I knew what slash fiction was. Not that I read it, but yeah... When you're fan of the X files and people want to slash Mulder / Krycek...
Random comment... I caught a part of Dr. L's counseling to parents during physicals. He's saying 7 is a good time to introduce kids to religion and like cultural... Morals isn't the word... Practice? Anyway, no, that's too late... From all I've been hearing from youth ministers kids "leave" the faith / stop believing in God at age 11 to 13. Like if they still went to church because parents made them and even some who did believe they seem to really leave by college. Even then it's mostly because they just fall away for no other reason than they're no longer at home.
Texts.
- Lol... I was on the phone and tried to drink at the same time. I almost poured Gatorade in my ear! HAHAHAHA!!!
- Mom is sending pigs again. I almost burst out laughing with Marna in the room!
Tweets.