Poor excuse for an epiphany.
I feel as if I have become a bitter shell of a better person I once was. A slow but steady change I've tried to evade for too long. I don't like how I feel, cold and descending. I've become prone to pass judgment quickly, prone to superficiality, I've become an asshole. It's deplorable, and I need to fix this. The question is, where too now?
I need a comfort. A connection. I need the calm amidst the storm. I need it to stop. I need a chance to sleep, to think, to catch my breathe. The world is moving so fast around me, and I feel myself falling behind it, and lost within it. I've never been so confused, and I've never been at a point where I literally don't know where to begin. I couldn't tell you what's wrong, but I could, but I won't, but I would. I see myself in the mirror, but I detest what I've become. I feel my good qualities are slowly but surely being outnumbered by my bad. Things keep fading, and on a level, I do it for you, or so I thought. But Do I allow it to continue for sake of pride? For building an ego I shouldn't have? Am I that pathetic? I'm headed, heading in that direction.
I try to run, creating comfort to detach within. Spacing out in a fantasy world created by myself, with perfect situations and perfection outcomes that are just that, perfect. A perfect dream, once again just that, a dream. Escaping from reality, but even dreaming shadows truth. I can't detach anymore. Day dreams are interrupted by the ramblings of my mind. I have no clarity, no inner silence. My cerebellum needs a nap.
I need time to analyze myself personally. My actions and walls push me farther into myself, and I've become a fool. Nothing more then an average fool, yet I criticize you for being naive.
Comments have been disallowed I reallowed the comments, I don't want bullshit sympathy. I don't want anything for any of you, it is important that I admit these things to everyone, including myself. Feel free to rip me apart, and tell me how you feel, it's encouraged and welcomed. My actions are shameful, and the outcome is what I've become.
Fake.
And too think, I always thought of myself a good person.
I need a comfort. A connection. I need the calm amidst the storm. I need it to stop. I need a chance to sleep, to think, to catch my breathe. The world is moving so fast around me, and I feel myself falling behind it, and lost within it. I've never been so confused, and I've never been at a point where I literally don't know where to begin. I couldn't tell you what's wrong, but I could, but I won't, but I would. I see myself in the mirror, but I detest what I've become. I feel my good qualities are slowly but surely being outnumbered by my bad. Things keep fading, and on a level, I do it for you, or so I thought. But Do I allow it to continue for sake of pride? For building an ego I shouldn't have? Am I that pathetic? I'm headed, heading in that direction.
I try to run, creating comfort to detach within. Spacing out in a fantasy world created by myself, with perfect situations and perfection outcomes that are just that, perfect. A perfect dream, once again just that, a dream. Escaping from reality, but even dreaming shadows truth. I can't detach anymore. Day dreams are interrupted by the ramblings of my mind. I have no clarity, no inner silence. My cerebellum needs a nap.
I need time to analyze myself personally. My actions and walls push me farther into myself, and I've become a fool. Nothing more then an average fool, yet I criticize you for being naive.
Comments have been disallowed I reallowed the comments, I don't want bullshit sympathy. I don't want anything for any of you, it is important that I admit these things to everyone, including myself. Feel free to rip me apart, and tell me how you feel, it's encouraged and welcomed. My actions are shameful, and the outcome is what I've become.
Fake.
And too think, I always thought of myself a good person.