LJ Idol Week One - Resolution
Not so secret fact: I used to be obsessed with the musical RENT. I discovered the amazingness of Johnathan Larson while I was doing a partial hospitalization program smack in the middle of undergrad, and for close to three years, I listened to the soundtrack at least once a week, usually more. It has been a good seven years since I’ve considered myself a “Rent Head” but when I read this week’s topic, Resolution, I immediately began singing La Vie Boheme B:
“Anarchy
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions”
Okay, so maybe I got the lyrics wrong, but my tangential mind kept right on going. I have a friend named Justice, someone who, in fact, does scream for solutions.
But what about me? What am I doing to seek justice? How am I finding solutions? Or resolutions? When I was in my late teens and realized I wasn’t straight, I was full of activism and fighting for gay rights. I wanted to picket in Washington, woo congressmen.
Oh, the idealism of youth.
I’m not sure what happened. I used to love volunteering and would donate hours of my time every month to various organizations. And my dream from age 17-31 was to join the Peace Corps. I went as far as to be interviewed and nominated for a youth development program in an unnamed Asian country. But then I received the list of medical deferments, and two of my conditions were listed, so instead of fighting to prove that I was more than capable of serving despite health limitations, I just gave up.
One might argue that my profession, a mental health and substance use therapist, is offering solutions. I help clients identify ways to utilize healthy coping skills, and I love my job. I don’t feel unfulfilled in the least, and thankfully I was able to switch positions within my agency when I began to experience burnout and compassion fatigue. However, despite the fact that I am helping others, I don’t really feel like it’s worth bragging about. It’s just what I do. It’s all I do.
I do have some resolutions:
· I would like to be trained in EMDR so that I can better help my clients dealing with PTSD and trauma.
· I will, by mid-October, find the guts to call my congress people, instead of venting about things to my spouse.
· Find my tribe. I’ve lived in central Illinois for five years now and still have very few friends. I’m volunteering at the Pride Fest next week, and I’d like to believe that this will help me overcome the anxiety of going to the monthly LGBTQ socials by myself.
Three is plenty to start with. Unfortunately lj does not have a memories feature to remind me in a year that I wrote this entry; however, I’m great at putting reminders in my phone (I have my wedding anniversary set to repeat annually for 50 years), so I just sent a reminder to “reread lj entry on 9/27/19.” Let’s see what I can accomplish in the next 90 days.