(no subject)
i never thought this before but i'm a really bad christian. and person in general. i'm so sick of being so fake, because honestly that is what i have become. i can't do anything right anymore, i see that now. life isn't worth it and i suck. even doing this, posting what i really feel online makes me wonder what i'm even doing. why do people even care what's going on inside of me? no one cares because they're just trying to live each day themselves, so why bother with someone like me? sometimes i get so tired of...just being because i know that it just doesn't matter. i can't do anything right and there's nothing i can do about that, because eventually someone is going to come along and see right through me. i almost don't even know who i am anymore and i'm so tired of that. so tired of trying to make things right by covering up every single wrong thing about me and my life because i'm scared. i'm scared of people knowing ME. i'm scared of people knowing who i really am is someone so completely messed up and imperfect that i might say some stuff i don't mean and then people judge me for not being open-minded about that. well, so what? i have problems. and at times like this it almost seems like i'm the only one who does. i don't want to be so predictable but...i don't really have a choice. so i'm sorry to everyone. i'm sorry i couldn't measure up to anyone's expectations. and i'm really sorry for being such a crappy person inside.