(no subject)
I havent written anything in forever but I need to vent.
Went to one of the singing shows that Kyleys wanted me to go to. I actually enjoyed it, much to my suprise. But the night was horrible. I got a guilt trip when she first asked me to go, attitude and comments between then and when I got to her house, no hug or anything when I showed up, got pissed of at me when I stood up for myself and what I do and dont accept from my gf. Then we talked, and she seemed to compromise and meet in the middle, only to ignore me to talk to this guy for 10-15 minutes while I sat there alone. Then, break up with me later on when I went home because "I dont understand her and I'm not ready to be a part of her life if I cant handle the 'society'" So we talk, and are fine, I fall asleep on her floor... wake up in the morning... and there is no spark. No flame, no passion. She just looks at me colder now, talks to me like I'm nothing, treats me like I'm not good enough for her. Albeit, I did do a few things wrong. Any girl whos ever been romantically close to me knows that whenever I get hurt, my first instinct is to run. It comes out as a threat but thats not hows its meant. And I understand if Kyley is a little upset, but I've never seen her so cold. I did my best to put a smile on my face, and enjoy my time with her... but I'm hurting right now. I'm gonna spend some more time with her tonight when I get off work, and we'll see how that goes. If it continues like this, I'm really going to have to sit down and think about what I want in my life. I hate this feeling, and I dont want it to go on. Its like heartburn, hunger, nausea and depression all mixed into one. I dont know what to think, what to do, what to say... all I know, is that I didnt give my everything just to be second best.
Went to one of the singing shows that Kyleys wanted me to go to. I actually enjoyed it, much to my suprise. But the night was horrible. I got a guilt trip when she first asked me to go, attitude and comments between then and when I got to her house, no hug or anything when I showed up, got pissed of at me when I stood up for myself and what I do and dont accept from my gf. Then we talked, and she seemed to compromise and meet in the middle, only to ignore me to talk to this guy for 10-15 minutes while I sat there alone. Then, break up with me later on when I went home because "I dont understand her and I'm not ready to be a part of her life if I cant handle the 'society'" So we talk, and are fine, I fall asleep on her floor... wake up in the morning... and there is no spark. No flame, no passion. She just looks at me colder now, talks to me like I'm nothing, treats me like I'm not good enough for her. Albeit, I did do a few things wrong. Any girl whos ever been romantically close to me knows that whenever I get hurt, my first instinct is to run. It comes out as a threat but thats not hows its meant. And I understand if Kyley is a little upset, but I've never seen her so cold. I did my best to put a smile on my face, and enjoy my time with her... but I'm hurting right now. I'm gonna spend some more time with her tonight when I get off work, and we'll see how that goes. If it continues like this, I'm really going to have to sit down and think about what I want in my life. I hate this feeling, and I dont want it to go on. Its like heartburn, hunger, nausea and depression all mixed into one. I dont know what to think, what to do, what to say... all I know, is that I didnt give my everything just to be second best.