Simple Touch
Title: Simple Touch
Episode and Theme: 5.12 - Reckoning/Hands
Rating: barely PG
Summary: Knowing when a simple touch is enough.
Spoilers: 5.12 - Reckoning
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's Notes: Words in parenthesis are taken from the deleted scene. The summary is a line from Bones 1. 19/The Soldier in The Grave.
-----------------------------------------------
The closer he came to the barn, the more the guilt rushed to greet him within its greedy arms, sitting heavy in his heart.
(I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry.)
Days after the funeral, it's the only true thing holding him together; when anger and despair become too much and it feels like a burning hole inside his stomach.
In this place, his dad's presence surrounded him. He paused just outside the door, weary blue eyes traveling back and forth across the damage. Such a small testament to what had taken place. To the lives that had been shattered.
A few pieces of broken wood. Tools littering the frozen ground. Everything else was....normal. Other tools that had been put down or put up after use, waiting for their owner to pick them up again. The tractor that never wanted to stay fixed. His responsibility now.
And then his eyes came to rest on his dad's jacket hanging in it's regular place.
He felt his heart hesitate, but his body kept moving and soon he was standing in front of the post, just a small trail of snow left in his wake.
A tentative hand reached out for the material, tiptoeing across the fabric in a light dance before clenching it in a possessive gesture. He closed his eyes, breathing in his dad's scent, committing it to a memory that would have to last a lifetime.
(He's the only father I'll ever have.)
In the heavy silence that followed, the shuffling of feet met his ears. His heartbeat accelerated and his eyes popped open with a start, muscles tensing as he shifted his body to find out who was there.
Lois was standing exactly where he had been moments before, hesitation wrapped around her as tightly as her jacket was. Her face was averted to the ground and he knew that she knew, she had disrupted a private moment.
Her hands were shoved into the front pockets of her jeans as she rocked back and forth on her heels. An apology came tumbling out of her mouth as she raised her eyes to his, a slight blush staining her cheeks. ”I'm sorry, Smallville, I....”
“It's okay,” he interrupted, motioning with his hand for her to enter. He shot her a small smile as proof, letting go of the jacket. “Come in.”
She nodded and stepped inside, her gaze wondering around the room, silently taking in what he had only minutes before. By the expression on her face, and the bright sheen in her eyes, he knew the same thoughts that had entered his mind were now running through hers. She moistened her dry lips, taking her hands out of her pockets to touch the wooden post beside him. “I thought you could use some help.”
“Thanks, but you can see there's not much to clean up.” He avoided her eyes now, stepping over to place his hands on a nearby table. He tightened his fingers around the rough edges, as if it was the only thing holding him up. “Lois, I wanted to thank you for being here for my mom. She....I know it's helped her a lot.”
He heard a smile in her voice when she answered in that matter-of-fact tone only she had. “Your family took me in when I needed a home. It's the least I could do.”
“Well, thanks anyway. I haven't really been....”
She interrupted him this time. “You're allowed, Clark.” He glanced up at her words. A gentleness shown in her eyes that he'd never seen directed at him before. “You and your father were close.”
An ache grew in his chest. He clenched his jaw to kill a sob in his throat, turning his head away from kindness he didn't deserve, finding that he hated the comfort he found in her words.
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat softly. “You should uh.... you should go back inside so you don't freeze to death.”
She narrowed her eyes, tilting her head as if she were studying him. His body squirmed underneath the gaze. Finally, she spoke, pushing a fallen strand of hair behind an ear.
“And that's me being politely dismissed.”
He could only nod his head in response, his hands trembling slightly as he waited for her footsteps to fade away.
Only it didn't happen.
Her body pressed close to his. One of her hands warmly grazed his before pressing down gently, trapping his hand protectively underneath hers. Tears gathered in his eyes.
“You're not alone.”
The soft way she said those words. Her simple touch. It was so easy to believe coming from her.
He could almost find absolution.
Episode and Theme: 5.12 - Reckoning/Hands
Rating: barely PG
Summary: Knowing when a simple touch is enough.
Spoilers: 5.12 - Reckoning
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's Notes: Words in parenthesis are taken from the deleted scene. The summary is a line from Bones 1. 19/The Soldier in The Grave.
-----------------------------------------------
The closer he came to the barn, the more the guilt rushed to greet him within its greedy arms, sitting heavy in his heart.
(I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry.)
Days after the funeral, it's the only true thing holding him together; when anger and despair become too much and it feels like a burning hole inside his stomach.
In this place, his dad's presence surrounded him. He paused just outside the door, weary blue eyes traveling back and forth across the damage. Such a small testament to what had taken place. To the lives that had been shattered.
A few pieces of broken wood. Tools littering the frozen ground. Everything else was....normal. Other tools that had been put down or put up after use, waiting for their owner to pick them up again. The tractor that never wanted to stay fixed. His responsibility now.
And then his eyes came to rest on his dad's jacket hanging in it's regular place.
He felt his heart hesitate, but his body kept moving and soon he was standing in front of the post, just a small trail of snow left in his wake.
A tentative hand reached out for the material, tiptoeing across the fabric in a light dance before clenching it in a possessive gesture. He closed his eyes, breathing in his dad's scent, committing it to a memory that would have to last a lifetime.
(He's the only father I'll ever have.)
In the heavy silence that followed, the shuffling of feet met his ears. His heartbeat accelerated and his eyes popped open with a start, muscles tensing as he shifted his body to find out who was there.
Lois was standing exactly where he had been moments before, hesitation wrapped around her as tightly as her jacket was. Her face was averted to the ground and he knew that she knew, she had disrupted a private moment.
Her hands were shoved into the front pockets of her jeans as she rocked back and forth on her heels. An apology came tumbling out of her mouth as she raised her eyes to his, a slight blush staining her cheeks. ”I'm sorry, Smallville, I....”
“It's okay,” he interrupted, motioning with his hand for her to enter. He shot her a small smile as proof, letting go of the jacket. “Come in.”
She nodded and stepped inside, her gaze wondering around the room, silently taking in what he had only minutes before. By the expression on her face, and the bright sheen in her eyes, he knew the same thoughts that had entered his mind were now running through hers. She moistened her dry lips, taking her hands out of her pockets to touch the wooden post beside him. “I thought you could use some help.”
“Thanks, but you can see there's not much to clean up.” He avoided her eyes now, stepping over to place his hands on a nearby table. He tightened his fingers around the rough edges, as if it was the only thing holding him up. “Lois, I wanted to thank you for being here for my mom. She....I know it's helped her a lot.”
He heard a smile in her voice when she answered in that matter-of-fact tone only she had. “Your family took me in when I needed a home. It's the least I could do.”
“Well, thanks anyway. I haven't really been....”
She interrupted him this time. “You're allowed, Clark.” He glanced up at her words. A gentleness shown in her eyes that he'd never seen directed at him before. “You and your father were close.”
An ache grew in his chest. He clenched his jaw to kill a sob in his throat, turning his head away from kindness he didn't deserve, finding that he hated the comfort he found in her words.
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat softly. “You should uh.... you should go back inside so you don't freeze to death.”
She narrowed her eyes, tilting her head as if she were studying him. His body squirmed underneath the gaze. Finally, she spoke, pushing a fallen strand of hair behind an ear.
“And that's me being politely dismissed.”
He could only nod his head in response, his hands trembling slightly as he waited for her footsteps to fade away.
Only it didn't happen.
Her body pressed close to his. One of her hands warmly grazed his before pressing down gently, trapping his hand protectively underneath hers. Tears gathered in his eyes.
“You're not alone.”
The soft way she said those words. Her simple touch. It was so easy to believe coming from her.
He could almost find absolution.