A list of my many accomplishments
Hey folks! I realize I've made a few posts here already and have yet to really introduce myself. Plus I'm pretty drunk right now. So I've decided that rather than babbling about myself in my profile, I should list some facts:
- I used to play the trumpet in high school and even made it to squad/section leader.
- I had a lead role in my high school musical senior year.
- I once killed a hobo who refused to give me cocaine after I blew him.
- I got straight A's once in the 8th grade.
- I beat Muhammad Ali in a 13 round boxing match. He was 60 years old and ravaged by Parkinson's disease.
- I was the one who discovered the cure for that virus in the movie Outbreak.
- Instead of killing hookers like every one else does, I merely severed their ears and cut their hair to make funny wigs.
- I threw a keg party during a hurricane for my 21st birthday party.
- I once ran a 10:50 mile and a half. That's 10 hours and 50 minutes.
- I started a real life Jurassic Park just off the coast of Okinawa.
- Like Wolverine, I fused my bones with metal...so I now have copper bones. My claws broke before I even had a chance to unsheathe them the first time.
- I call my penis "The Incredible Hulk": it starts off small and weak, usually getting picked on by local bullies (my balls, asian hookers, ex g/f's, etc). When it gets excited/angry, it turns into a giant, muscular juggernaut that is impossible to control. I'm certain it's gamma radiated because whenever women swallow the semen their faces turn green.
- I was born weighing 9 pounds, 2 ounces.
- I hail from Levittown, NY. It was the first cookie cutter town in the United States, built after WW2 so returning veterans would have affordable housing to purchase.
- I once called Colin Farrell a dirty Jew. He's not even Jewish.
- I used to play the trumpet in high school and even made it to squad/section leader.
- I had a lead role in my high school musical senior year.
- I once killed a hobo who refused to give me cocaine after I blew him.
- I got straight A's once in the 8th grade.
- I beat Muhammad Ali in a 13 round boxing match. He was 60 years old and ravaged by Parkinson's disease.
- I was the one who discovered the cure for that virus in the movie Outbreak.
- Instead of killing hookers like every one else does, I merely severed their ears and cut their hair to make funny wigs.
- I threw a keg party during a hurricane for my 21st birthday party.
- I once ran a 10:50 mile and a half. That's 10 hours and 50 minutes.
- I started a real life Jurassic Park just off the coast of Okinawa.
- Like Wolverine, I fused my bones with metal...so I now have copper bones. My claws broke before I even had a chance to unsheathe them the first time.
- I call my penis "The Incredible Hulk": it starts off small and weak, usually getting picked on by local bullies (my balls, asian hookers, ex g/f's, etc). When it gets excited/angry, it turns into a giant, muscular juggernaut that is impossible to control. I'm certain it's gamma radiated because whenever women swallow the semen their faces turn green.
- I was born weighing 9 pounds, 2 ounces.
- I hail from Levittown, NY. It was the first cookie cutter town in the United States, built after WW2 so returning veterans would have affordable housing to purchase.
- I once called Colin Farrell a dirty Jew. He's not even Jewish.