theory of porno 2/3
The Theory of Porno
Dreaming about a certain Kim Junsu was becoming a habit of Yoochun’s every night for almost two weeks now. From the romantic comedies that have him grinning all throughout work to the Wizard of Oz-type dreams that leave him slightly annoyed to the after-dark fantasies that at least make Yoochun Junior a happy camper in the mornings. He rather not think about the more horrifying ones like when Junsu was determined to run him down with a man-eating lawn mower. Yoochun has yet to return to the depot since.
However, none of those dreams could compare to waking up next to said Kim Junsu.
Though Yoochun would have preferred if their current position didn’t resemble some of the things Jaejoong and Junsu have done on camera (at least with their clothes on).
Junsu was curled into him, head tucked into his shoulder and one leg wrapped over Yoochun’s waist. He was long gone, breathing softly and blowing hot breath into the latter’s face.
And the first thing Yoochun could think of was if they got drunk again because, oh god, Jaejoong would have his flat ass on a platter.
His eyes roamed over the room, scared, looking out for signs of liquor bottles and knocked over items but none was found.
So how did Yoochun end up so lucky this time? He needed to text Jaejoong immediately-wait. Yoochun closed his eyes and brought his hand up to his head as a rush of memories flooded back to him. Jaejoong. Jaejoong was missing.
Well, damn, frowned Yoochun. There goes his fantasy.
Junsu came shuffling out of the bedroom, hair shifted to one side and pajamas wrinkled, while Yoochun was flipping pancakes. He leaned against the kitchen counter and blinked languidly.
“Is this my ‘healthy breakfast’?” he asked, boringly staring at one of the plates that was holding three pancakes already.
“It’s all I could find this morning and I figured, ‘hey pancakes are awesome and everyone likes pancakes so I’ll just make pancakes,’ y’know?” Yoochun grinned enthusiastically as he slid another pancake out the pan.
Much to his dismay, Junsu just blinked at him again.
The pan suddenly became heavy and Yoochun let it drop on the counter with a deadpanned expression. “Just go eat your pancakes Junsu.”
The porn star shrugged and took the plate without question.
Their first stop was a rather busy park that sat across from Jaejoong’s apartment building. Junsu was anxiously swaying back and forth on the park bench, eyes glued to the main door on the building. It wasn’t until he saw Yoochun skittering across the crosswalk that he actually jumped up.
“Did you get everything?” he asked, eyes wide and curious.
“Yeah, I think so. Laptop, phone, and a few papers I saw lying around. That place is a mess, I tell you. I have no idea how Jae could live in a place like that-“
“Is Jiji alright?”
For the second time that day, Yoochun’s expression fell flat, regardless of the cuteness that the man before him possessed. “The cat is fine, Junsu.”
“But he’s all alone…” whined the younger Korean.
Yoochun was positive that Jiji preferred having no one around so he could plot the demise of all humans, mainly his master. Instead of arguing, he simply hooked arms with Junsu and tugged the man along, ignoring his catlady cries.
Their first stop was at a café that was too crowded for the writer’s taste but Junsu insisted he was in dire need of a frappe mocha to counter his sudden depression, and of course, who was Yoochun to deny his crush? They sat in a booth in the back of the place and when Junsu came back with two drinks, Yoochun had Jaejoong and his own laptop propped open.
“Hi-tech, huh?” asked Junsu as he took his seat across from his companion. “I always saw you as a paper-and-pencil type of guy with one of those moleskin journals glued to their side,” he laughed.
A blush crept up Yoochun’s plump cheeks as he closed Jaejoong’s laptop and maneuvered his around so both of them could see. So Junsu thought he was a journalist junkie. Fabulous.
“So I was thinking,” the brunette continued, “maybe we should check out that murder case? Y’know, the one that Jaejoong had up on his tabs?”
The older Korean coughed out his nerves before gaining the courage to speak. “Junsu, I don’t think that’s a smart idea. We don’t even know if he’s missing.”
“But what if he is?” whined the porn star, frowning hard and digging his nails into the wooden table. “W-What if he’s all alone in some stranger’s house, tied up and hungry or worse-what if he’s dead?!”
“Junsu, shh!” Yoochun smacked a finger onto Junsu’s lips, silencing the other. He peaked over his shoulder and to his surprise no one was looking at him. Thank goodness. Junsu was still frowning when Yoochun removed his finger, and just the sight was enough to upset him. How can a grown man be this cute? It just didn’t seem right, and Yoochun wasn’t sure whether he was lucky or misfortunate to have fallen for the porn star.
“Please Yoochunnie…” And those tadpole eyes began to sparkle with tears as his bottom lip stuck out even more.
Oh god, no he didn’t use that move on him-“Fine, fine, fine, we’ll go,” he sighed, “we’ll go check it out.” Yoochun snatched his own drink and dejectedly slurped the contents out of the cup.
And Junsu’s mood took a 180 and he squealed in excitement. “Aw, you’re the best Yoochun! Love you~”
If only, Yoochun mused.
The supposed crime scene was located on the other side of the city and Yoochun pushed aside the fact Junsu owed him gas money for the past month, and then he remembered that he liked Junsu too much to even care.
At first, Yoochun thought they were in the wrong place because this side of Seoul was just as fancy as where he lived. The Gaylord lofts were just down the street and big names lived up there. How could crime possibly occur over here? Seemingly, no where was safe and that kind of terrified Yoochun. Junsu, on the other hand, was quite ecstatic to see yellow ‘caution’ tape, white chalk on the ground, cops and cameras, and maybe even a little bit of blood. Yoochun always found his criminology obsession a bit scary.
Of course, none of that was present at the scene when they walked upon the scene, their car parked about a block away. The incident occurred in an alleyway between a jewelry shop and a wedding salon, and the woman that went missing had money-shady money but still, she had money. Even the car she was supposedly snatched in was pricey, a black two-door convertible. The media tried to aim it at victim blaming and even some of Yoochun’s co-workers were whispering about how her pimp came after her. Either way, the woman was now dead and that just wasn’t good news.
What also wasn’t good news was Junsu stepping into the alley and he was about halfway down before Yoochun noticed.
“Junsu!” He groaned, stomping in after the other. “Aish, you have got to stop doing stuff like that!”
“What? It’s blocked off Yoochun; there’s no one down here.”
Obviously. Yoochun didn’t say anything though but glanced over his shoulder to the light of safety. This was a horrible idea and if some goliath-sized man comes out of the darkness, telling them that they’ll be his bitches from now on, Yoochun might do something stupid and sacrifice himself for Junsu.
“Junsu, please,” whispered the writer as they ventured a bit too far into the blackness. He even clung onto the porn star, chin pressed against the other’s shoulder. “Junsu…”
Junsu shushed him, and Yoochun felt insulted, but complied.
They reached the end of the alley, only to notice that it was a dead-end full of trash bags and a dumpster. And a used condom. Yoochun shivered.
“That was so lackluster,” mumbled Junsu, disappointed.
“Can we go now?” now he was the one whining but he was actually serious.
Since there was nothing else, Junsu gave up quite easily. “Good deal, Watson,” And he charged back towards the light.
“. . . .” Yoochun decided to just leave it alone.
They headed back out the alleyway, much to Yoochun’s relief while Junsu was still snooping around like Sherlock Holmes. Honestly, Yoochun could not fathom how the murder of some shady woman could relate to Jaejoong. He knew of all the actor’s friends, or at least their names, and none of it matched. And it wasn’t like Jaejoong to do play detective in stuff that served no interests to him either. It didn’t add up.
Buzzing in his pocket snapped Yoochun back to reality and when he pulled the device out, Changmin’s name read on the caller ID. Oh crap.
“H-hello?” started Park, voice thick with nerves.
“…You’re not jacking off to Junsu’s pictures again are you?”
“No!” Yoochun squeaked and quickly peeked over his shoulder at said interest. Junsu was talking to random pedestrians which relieved the writer. He turned back to the phone, “What do you need, Changmin?”
“Well, I’m just calling because I forgot to tell you earlier. One of our clients, Jung Yunho called in for another offer. You know, the one that lives in Gaylord apartments? Yeah. Guess he was impressed by our boys so I set up a meeting for the upcoming Friday. Mark it and don’t plan anything this time and tell Junsu not to either. I know him; he’ll just call in a minute before saying he’s in another country again.”
Yoochun couldn’t help but snort at the memory. Junsu was the master at disappearing after all.
“You get that Yoochun?”
“Oh yeah, I got it! Jung Yunho; next Friday. Don’t let Junsu sneak out the country again. Gotcha.”
Wait a minute.
Something snapped, mentally, not physically (thank you). Jung Yunho… Holy shi-“JUNG YUNHO!”
Changmin almost fell out of his chair. “W-what-yes? Yes Jung Yunho!” He yelled confusingly. “What about him? Park is this like a form of an orgasm because that’s just disgusting--”
The dial tone came on. Changmin leaned back, staring at the phone, horribly lost. What was wrong with that man?
“Junsu!” Yoochun shoved the phone in his pocket and ran towards the other who was still talking to the pedestrians, namely two old women. “Junsu, Junsu, Junsu!”
“Yoochun, Yoochun, Yoochun?!” Junsu stepped back, slightly freaked out, eyes wide. Yoochun stopped then, mind filling itself with thoughts of his name being repeated just like that but only with Junsu under him and fully exposed. Oh god, yes-
“Oh,” Yoochun laughed shyly towards the two women, bowing his head in apology. “If you may excuse us for a little bit,” and he dragged Junsu off to the side who turned around to wave at the ladies.
They waved back, grinning adorably. “We’ll make sure to pick up your videos!” They giggled as they kept on their way to one of the shops on the street.
However, Yoochun didn’t stop walking, changing course to a new direction, Junsu still interlocked with him. “Were you promoting your porn to old ladies?”
“Yeah, I heard porn is really popular in old ages. Crazy right?”
Ew. Yoochun frowned at the thought and decided not to answer anymore to that. “Junsu please stop reading porn blogs, seriously.”
“Changmin told me!” The brunette’s eyes cast off to the side in shame.
Why was he not surprised by that revelation? Yoochun rolled his eyes. “Stop listening to Changmin too, please…” Before the kid gets you on the news for something embarrassing. “Well, nevermind that. I just had an epiphany while talking to Changmin.”
“Oh I get those a lot when I’m around Changmin too,” said Junsu, straight-faced, and Yoochun seriously wondered if Changmin purposely made Junsu’s intelligence level drop because it definitely makes his decrease significantly. His phone began to ring again but he ignored it, assuming it was Changmin to abuse his ears for hanging up on him.
“Yes,” started the writer, blinking hard, “well this epiphany comes in the form of Jaejoong’s new friend Jung Yunho.” And right as he said it, the apartment complex came into view.
Gaylord was one of those ‘were you high when you named this place’ type names that end up doing really well in society, whether it’s a person or a place. Frankly, Yoochun refused to live in that complex because he was surprisingly the butt of all gay jokes at work. He didn’t know why per say but he preferred to not face anymore wank that he already got at work.
“Oh yeah, Jaejoong’s new stalker,” Junsu chuckled. “What about him?”
“Well,” they stopped in front of the building, and Yoochun motioned his hands towards the high-riser, “this is where he stays.”
Junsu’s mouth formed into a perfect ‘o’ and Yoochun had to dismiss any inappropriate thoughts. Suddenly the brunette smacked him in the shoulder, scaring the crap out of the other.
“What the hell--?”
“Well why didn’t you figure this out earlier? We could’ve done this yesterday!”
Yoochun pouted. “…I’m sorry?” And now he felt like crap because Junsu was kind of right. Yunho was in their system and so was his address. Of course, no one was suspecting Jung in the first place, even though they only met him once.
Nevertheless, Junsu rolled his eyes and grabbed Yoochun by the arm and stomped towards the building. “Come on, I want to figure out if this guy has Jaejoong tied up in his closet.”
Yoochun sincerely hoped that would not be the case.
This place looked too good to be true on the inside. And it was pink. Peach pink. But pink nonetheless.
No wonder Jaejoong wanted to move here but it was so expensive and Yoochun just couldn’t do, personally. Jaejoong ended up harassing him about it either way.
The first thing Yoochun heard was Junsu mocking the duck paintings on the back wall. Honestly, he should be the last person to do that but the writer kept that to himself.
Yoochun directed them towards the front desk who appeared busy but once they approached the clerks, two of them walked away and the other was babbling on the phone, probably with a friend.
“Yeah, so have you seen that Heechul guy? Yesung claimed that his hair is so big because it’s full of secrets but you know Yesung-“
Yoochun felt that opting out was the best idea at the moment but Junsu was too quick and was practically yelling at the clerk to get off the phone. Though extremely embarrassed, Yoochun did wish he had the same level of confidence Junsu had when it came to making others notice them.
The clerk shot the porn star the stank eye but ended the call anyway. “Welcome to Gaylord Apartments. How may I assist you two this afternoon?” He asked in a nerved tone, blinking hard. Yoochun made sure to note that his nametag read ‘Kyuhyun.’
Junsu was unfazed as he replied with a smile, “We’re looking for, uh, Jung Yunho. We’re guests.” Yoochun nodded in agreement.
The clerk lightened up on the rude attitude but his face said otherwise, probably calling them childish names in his head. “Mr. Jung isn’t here.”
“Oh, do you know when he’ll be back?” asked Yoochun.
“Not today, that’s for sure,” his eyes screamed, ‘dumbasses’ to the T.
Junsu’s mood deflated quickly. “Why not?”
“Oh god,” mumbled the guy, “he came rushing through the lobby two days ago with like three bags so I’m just going to assume that he’s eager to go on vacation or he’s fleeing the city. Whichever one it is, he’s not here and I’m positive he won’t be back for a few days or so.” With that note, the worker took his leave with a final eye roll in the duo’s direction.
Yoochun snarled at the guy while Junsu’s attention was elsewhere. How freaking rude, raged the writer, I am totally reporting that guy.
“Oh my god.”
Yoochun faced his friend while scouting out the manager simultaneously.
“I’m such a genius!” Junsu quietly squealed, grabbing Yoochun’s shoulders and shaking him.
“What are you talking about now?” Except he was answered with words, but instead, Junsu snatched his phone from his pocket. “Junsu, what the hell?” he whined pathetically but was ignored in the end. Truthfully, Yoochun always pictured himself being the dominate one in their “relationship” because with the body that Kim Junsu possessed, it would be a sin to not put it to use loving use. However, Junsu always brought out that submissive side of Yoochun and he was seriously starting to question his emotional stability when he was around this guy. He was growing weak-Junsu’s attack power was too strong.
Especially when it involved touching. A hand slipped back into Yoochun’s pocket; Junsu returning the phone. This man had no boundaries (which made sense to an extent, since he is a porn star).
“You have voicemail by the way but come on!” And once again, Yoochun obediently allowed himself to be whisked away towards the elevators. Yoochun didn’t even bother to ask what they were doing this time.
Nor did he bother to ask while heading up to the tenth floor.
But he did ask once he realized they were creeping down the hall after making a couple of turns. “Junsu, what are you doing?”
Junsu managed to keep walking straight even with his attention on the man behind him. “What else? Finding Jung Yunho’s apartment. All of his information was in your record books.”
Instantly, Yoochun stopped dead in the hallway, but Junsu kept going.
Oh god no.
“Junsu!” The writer chased after the actor, whispered in a harsh voice. “Junsu, stop! We can’t do this. This is trespassing!”
This time, Junsu did stop, wearing a rather innocent expression. “I do it all the time though.”
Yoochun almost wanted to faceplant. He sighed, drained from all the craziness happening around them. “Junsu this isn’t going to help us either way.”
Junsu smacked his lips as if he had the answers to everything in this type of situation. Knowing him, he probably did. “Come on, it’ll be fine.” He didn’t wait for any form of response, trekking off to go commit a crime that could land them both in jail. Yoochun was starting to realize how much he didn’t care about getting in trouble as long as Junsu was around.
They made another sharp turn before ending up in front of the token door which Junsu announced with a soft, “Bingo.” Such a tricky door to find too.
This was a bad idea, and yet Yoochun couldn’t find it in him to voice his concern. Besides, he knew how this would all end up anyway: Junsu getting his way and Yoochun crying himself to sleep at night, or Junsu not getting his way, yells at Yoochun, and then Yoochun crying himself to sleep at night.
It just wasn’t looking so good for him.
Therefore, he decided to just go along with the flow and watched as Junsu randomly swiped out a credit card. A credit card?
“Uhm, Junsu,” he couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit, “this isn’t some spy movie. I don’t think that actually works.”
Junsu already had the card in-between the door and the frame. “Of course it does. You should watch more late night television. I mean, the things you learn from late night television,” Junsu whistled at the fond memories of sitting in front of his favorite box screen.
Although Yoochun was trying to figure out how he did not bust out a hard-on from that one statement.
Even if he did, Junsu was too preoccupied with picking with the lock, literally stabbing and twisting his credit card into the slot. He even bent down after a while, tongue sticking out the corner of his lips, eyes focused hard. His back was slightly curved, making his gorgeous behind stick out more and with those pants on-which Yoochun was positive had been stretched by said behind now-the world just glowed a bit brighter.
Yoochun could only think, he was just too good to be true.
A few minutes rolled by with no luck, and Yoochun was certain that his saliva glands were running dry by now. And the door wasn’t going to open any time soon. Also, Yoochun did not want to be here when an actual resident came strolling by. Luckily no one has yet.
“Junsu, I think this is a lost cause. We should go.”
A loud click resounded and both of them wore matching expressions of shock. No way.
“Junsu, are you serious-“
“It worked!” The brunette jumped to his feet and twisted the knob fully.
The door didn’t budge. Yoochun hummed in discontent. Junsu, however…
“… What the f--!”
Junsu stomped all the way back to the lobby and past the arrogant clerk who was back on the phone again, sprouting out new crap. He quirked a brow at the duo which only rushed Yoochun towards the door quicker with Junsu in a furious tow.
On the way down, it occurred to Yoochun that most apartments have multiple locks nowadays, and Gaylord was no an exception to that rule. Guess it just would have been too easy if the door did unlock. It was slightly suspicious but not enough to pin point all the blame on Yunho. Double locks were common in a lot of apartments. Too bad that logic didn’t hit until after the fact.
Junsu was standing by the doormen with his arms crossed, face contorted into anger. It was kind of a humorous sight but Yoochun knew not to laugh. He decided to fetch the car instead, giving Junsu time to calm down while Yoochun calmed down the unnecessary images formulating in this brain from earlier adventures.
He pulled around the front of the hotel, up to the pick-up and drop-off spot and immediately, Junsu dived into the passenger seat, wearing the creepiest grin this writer has ever seen on the man.
“What are you so happy about?” he questioned, somewhat scared. Bipolar much.
Junsu’s arms began to flail about as Yoochun drive off slowly. “Those doormen; they were talking about Jung Yunho’s car!”
The driver merely nodded, hoping there was more to the story because he wasn’t getting the point. “And?”
“It’s black with two doors! A two-door, black convertible! Just like in the murder case!”
Incredulous was the main look masking Yoochun’s features as he stared at Junsu. “… Junsu, there’s a lot of two-door, black convertibles in Seoul.” They just drove right past one. “Even you have a two-door, black sports car.”
“…But still.”
The logic behind it made sense but it still wasn’t enough for Yoochun to go completely gun-ho on Jung. There wasn’t any evidence pointing to him either other than a few intimate emails and phone calls. And at the end of the day, their friend was still missing with no police report filed.
They returned to Yoochun’s apartment, their mission completed for the day though Junsu was still rambling on about Jung Yunho and the car and the door, especially the door. It was as if they were real detectives (crappy ones at that) in a horror comedy film. Just the thought gave Yoochun chills.
He just wanted to be in the comfort of his home, away from crime scenes. He also wanted Junsu to stop talking about that door before the neighbors heard, and Yoochun didn’t need anyone questioning his new crime adventures.
Yoochun closed the door behind them as Junsu went on a rampage.
“I mean, if only I could’ve gotten it open! We could’ve gotten closer to figure this all out! I’m telling you, Jung Yunho is so in on this. There isn’t anyone else! None of us know him and he just shoves his way into Jaejoong’s pants after a few messages back and forth. And it’s not like he was drunk like that one time because that was different and we apologized to Hyunjoong afterwards! But I swear if Jung Yunho did something to him. Curse that stupid door. I swear I could have gotten in if I hadn’t given up. You know, I demand we go back right now-“
Yoochun hadn’t imagined him initiating a kiss with Junsu. He usually skipped right to the undressing part, so he hadn’t planned on this to happen.
Though he couldn’t figure out another way to get Junsu to just stop talking about that ridiculous door trick because Yoochun does watch late night television and he still doesn’t believe that regardless of the fact that it was porn. It was a cute attempt but oh, he just did not care about that freaking door.
Yoochun pulled away first, only to get an eyeful of Junsu’s perplexed appearance.
“Oh shit,” he gasped, “uhm…”
Junsu lifted his hand to his lips as his eyes dropped to the floor. Gosh, he is so cute.
“Just forget about it,” Yoochun blurted out hastily and shuffled out of sight to his room. Smooth, Park, so smooth. And there’s no soju to fall back on because Jaejoong stole it all. Therefore, this is all Jaejoong’s fault. Because that makes perfect sense.
Forget about it whatever.
----
TBC!
Comments are always appreciated~ :) And please ignore LJ's weird spacing