And here we go again
Tuesday Tavo walked me to class and this girl was walkin wit us but the only thing that was weird was the fact that she was all up on his jock. I thought it was hilarious to see him squirm cus you could tell that he felt uncomfortable. But he finally pushed her off and walked me to my class i really didnt think anything of it but fuckin Priscilla told him that i was all surprised and happy when he pushed that gurl off of him. I mean I dont wanna be rude but sometimes that gurl doesnt know when to keep her mouth shut. I mean damn dont let him think that he's got me like that when he aint got shit. I'm finally getting to the point where I dont care where I am starting to invest my time into someone that deserves so much more than this fool. I guess that thats the way shit works sometime what you dont expect comes up at random moments. I really wanna see where all this goes wit the other guy yet at the same time I am scared that i will put ,ore of ,yself into it than he will. (Story of my life) I dont wanna get hurt again and i know that he doesnt either we have both gone through so much that the wall that we have built around trusting and letting people in is impenetrable. Nevertheless I fell like I could fall and blanket my every emotion around this, though I am not that type of person. I just can never see myself falling that hard I want to but at the same time I look at these poor saps that have gotten that far and I see how much pain they go through and I am like for what? For a couple of months of bliss? That type of heartache I dont think i could handle sure I'm used to being disappointed and every other time I turn around someone is there with an empty promise but how will I withstand a blow like love? To be genuinely happ scares the living shit out of me i wont let myself experience that i dont know how to let something good happen to me. I always analyze situations to their fullest extent and end up wrecking a good thing. Its just my nature. Low self confidence, lack of trust, whatever you wanna say i have it. There's no match that i have found that truly makes me think that i deserve THAT kinda happiness.
Shit is all messed up in my house to. I cant go a day without my mom yelling full force at my dad. Yesterday it got so bad that he just walked out of the house and went to go and sit in the car. I dunno why she has it in for him so bad I mean sometimes I feel like she thinks that he ruined her life when I see it the other way around. I want my dad to be happy so bad that I start shit with her so that she'll let him breathe. Yeah he gets on my nerves too but my mom is relentless. I'm scared that one day he's just gonna straight up leave. I kkmow that that would prolly be the best thing for him to keep his sanity but i just cant loose him like that. My mom just needs the shit bbeat out of her. i wish that i had a lil more remorse when it comes to that women yet I feel no maternal connection to her. My independance came from the biggest mistake of her life. My insecurities about myself and relationships and the whole person that i am come into question every time I see her characteristic in MY personality. My worst fear is becoming my mother. I dont know of anyone else that feels that way and it breaks my heart. Why cant I just be happy?????
Shit is all messed up in my house to. I cant go a day without my mom yelling full force at my dad. Yesterday it got so bad that he just walked out of the house and went to go and sit in the car. I dunno why she has it in for him so bad I mean sometimes I feel like she thinks that he ruined her life when I see it the other way around. I want my dad to be happy so bad that I start shit with her so that she'll let him breathe. Yeah he gets on my nerves too but my mom is relentless. I'm scared that one day he's just gonna straight up leave. I kkmow that that would prolly be the best thing for him to keep his sanity but i just cant loose him like that. My mom just needs the shit bbeat out of her. i wish that i had a lil more remorse when it comes to that women yet I feel no maternal connection to her. My independance came from the biggest mistake of her life. My insecurities about myself and relationships and the whole person that i am come into question every time I see her characteristic in MY personality. My worst fear is becoming my mother. I dont know of anyone else that feels that way and it breaks my heart. Why cant I just be happy?????