Today I get to have my ass handed to me in Judo, after which I get to be humiliated in Russian for not being able to understand part of our five pages of homework. Later I can go to Russian Culture and hope that even though I had a panic attack on Monday and missed it, I'm not too far behind. Then there's Women's Self Defense, which I'm sure will ( Read more... )

I love how dramatic this icon is. I sit in my room, expressionless, desperately going through panic attack pills, trying to keep some food down, but an icon can show how broken I am in my head right now ( Read more... )

Woke up at not quite five in the morning. Double checking my Russian homework, cringing at my own bad cursive. I lost my campus map and the people at the front desk in my build were out, so apparently I'm not the only one. I went looking for it, and found it after a great deal of panic. I don't know why I ever thought going to a college this big ( Read more... )

Made a fool out of myself in Russian, got kicked out of Ballet, looking forward to the few hours of sleep I can get before night falls and it gets loud again. Debating eating. Doesn't seem to be much of a point to it, honestly.

It's infuriatingly hard to get to sleep in this room. The droning of the pipes keep me up even when I feel exacted. Tomorrow I have four classes and I have to be up just three hours from now. I tried going to the store just off campus, but they didn't have sleeping pills, so I'm just sort of sitting here alone. The food services weren't working so ( Read more... )

I need to quit posting when it's late. I was far too depressed ( Read more... )

My mom volunteered me for dogsitting the dog of one of her friends while he's gone on some trip. So in addition to packing for college, insomnia, feeling sick when I try to eat, desperately freaking out that I may run out of my medication because of my doctor, trying to figure out how to get from class to class on time, debating dropping one class ( Read more... )

My mom decided to volunteer me for dog sitting. So until next week I'm stuck with something I'm allergic to living in my room. Sure, I only got two hours of sleep, and I need to pack for college, but why should i have any say in my own ife? Every day I feel less and less like a real person, and more like I'm watching someone else's life unfold. I'm ( Read more... )

I don't want to go to this university. I don't want to take these classes. I don't want to have this major. I don't want to have this personality. I don't want to look in the mirror and see that ugly face staring back. I don't want to keep going on anymore. It's so suffocating and I'm so alone. I'm tired of all of this ( Read more... )

Note to self: if you ever get the urge to work with small children again, stop. You are not patient enough for this, nor do you speak small child squeak-ese ( Read more... )