(no subject)

[ipneto]

just got done with what in higher circles of what those in them might consider higher sociaty would call a dinner party. I had rachell and nick over for some food some tea and some mudslides. I think it all turned out quite well. I am thuraly satisfyed and there is only enough leftovers for my lunch tomarrow. that works out quite well. Sleep must come now wethere it wants to or not I must go to work an hour early tomarrow. I am excited for this saturday. I see someone I have not seen in forever and honestly has me all giddy. I hope that she sees me how I am and thinks of me better than she did back then. That would make me happy. Yes so like so many humans I just want to belong to something. I know I am strange. an odd combination of many things that alone are not that far from the average but in me make such an oddity. Yet even I want to belong to something even if it just is one other person that is still a group and makes me not alone. even if just for that one moment when I can detect no anoyence or hatred only joy to see me. These are the breaf heart fluttering moments sometimes I think I live for. Just to see that person look at me and be amazed and in no way aprehencive as so many people are. Good food in my stumack and a few little things to look forward to in excitement and anticipation. tis a good day when one can feel satisfyed if even just for a moment truly satisfyed in the moment. it is good and it is rare. ahhh but even this moment must soon pass and my life must go on. ups downs and all that fear that in the end I can do nothing but wind up alone. for in all truth we all can never be anything but truly alone. death comes to us all and when it does it finds us alone no matter the timing of that inevitable occurance.

yet we strive against even that hoping some way we can beat it that in the end anyone just someone will be there with us. Tis vain. So we suffer these days. alone we stand and alone we fall. into sleep I now drift as if to death itself.