Continued
As life went on, I began to slightly understand what had happened, but I didn'y really know what to think. This was my father after all, and he's never done anything like that after the fact. I moved into my own room after that even though I was scared, but I fought the twisted nightmares of my mother. Steve and James gave me everything I really needed, so the night that still remains in my memories to this day didn't bother me to much.
I think James sensed my want for a mother though, so he tried as hard as he could to fill that void with love and activitys that all kids would love. So when I turned 11 I had a big surprise awaiting me. A trip to disney world, my mother included. I hadn't seen her since I was 9, and when I had she was so diffrent, I understood her to be a drug addict but all I had to do was see how she had changed from the beautiful person she was to the crippled look mess she had become to know that I would never touch drugs.
The trip there went without a hitch, and we got a nice little hotel close to the parks. I was so excited, so so excited to see her hoping that she had changed and she could be my mom again. Hope is the key word. My bother say to this day that I hope to much, I still hope. When I saw her, my hopes depleated. She was like a peice on leather. Old and weathered look with barley any meat on her. Her beautiful laugh and smile, was replaced with what looked like a painful grimince, her laugh like nails on a chalk board. I was so disappointed.
But I tried. I tried to talk to her and be like the daughter I thought she missed. No. She had not missed me, all she wanted was to have fun, do drugs, god knows what. But I held to the optamissm that makes me who I am.
Five day after we were there is when James started to become a problem, he went and bought liquor and drank a lot. A lot. I didn't know at the time it was because he was going through with draws from coke caine. All I remember was all the problems it caused. All the tears and heartbreak because this was supposed to be fun. Right?