OHSHC: Host Princess
Host Princess
by SmartOotori (if she's so smart, how does she manage to make a mistake like writing this 'fic?)
a new girl just showed up in Ouran without her parents so, she has to stay with a host family until Christmas. the Host Club meets her and....well, read the story. I suck at summaries. OCxKyouya
I hate it when authors say that. If you suck at summaries, don't write them.
Kyouya hasn't even shown up yet, as it's just the first chapter, but I dare say that I dislike KyouyaXOC characters, because 'fic authors are notoriously poor at portraying him.
Category:
OMD SELF-INSERT-CHANS!XKyouya
Status:
Work in Progress -- 1 Completely Annoying Chapter in Which Absolutely Nothing Happens
First Complaint: Making her bad at algebra doesn't free her from the shackles of Suedom; put whatever hat you want on her, Dunce or no, she's still a Sue, and not even one of a different color.
Rating:
"DEMON-EYES KYOUYA..."
The Good:
The grammar and spelling in this are surprisingly up-to-par with other stories that don't turn my brain into goo. Unfortunately, this author doesn't really know what to do with commas, and sometimes she gets her prepositions mixed up (using "at" instead of "on", for instance). But none of that really matters, because I've come to expect that everything I read is going to be riddled with mistakes. At least this story is readable, and I can actually understand what's happening.
Also, I've never read an author yet that didn't introduce the MC's love interest in the first chapter. Kudos for going against the grain.
The Bad:
I won't talk again about how I hate when authors write anything with Kyouya as the main character, gettin' it on with some OC.
Here's her description of Hanako, the MC:
Well, you might want to get to know me, my name's Kinomoto Hanako. I have long luscious brown hair. My pools of amber eyes are one of my best features. I hide them with my big rimmed glasses because I hate getting attention. I moved to Japan alone because my parents are busy in America. The company is called the Kinomoto Industires. We are in the medical department and the technology department, too. The company is worldwide so, sometimes my parents have to travel. They said they will be with me before Christmas which I doubt that. They are very VERY busy so, I'm alone with the exception of my personal maid, Hanakino Mika, which I think of her as a second mother. I have to live with a host family until Christmas so, I won't be alone, but I still think I'm alone. I still need to meet my host family so, I'll meet them after school. Enough about me, let's go back to the story.
Issue number one: when I read "My pools of amber eyes", I picture pools, Juusenkyo-style, filled with amber-colored eyes. I had to read it again, because I thought my dyslexic tendencies were playing tricks on me again, but no, that's what the author wrote.
Look, Suethor, we don't care that her eyes are "amber pools", just tell us they're pretty and get on with it. Also, calling hair "luscious" always makes me think of cake.
Also, so, are you going to quit using so, or do we have to beat it out of you?
"Thank you, Kinomoto-san." The teacher said, "Please take a seat between the Hitachiin twins. Hitachiin-sans, please raise your hands so, she could find her way to her seat."
Asking the Hitachiin twins to raise their hands so you know who they are is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of -- well, not the stupidest, but that sounds better than "is really dumb, hurr hurr". They're twins! Sit in between the only twins in the classroom.
I don't think Haruhi has shown up yet in this, which is just weird. How is the author going to write that? "Hello Haruhi, welcome to the Host Club! Here's a girl!" I dunno, it just seems odd, like she couldn't get her little self-insert together with Kyouya unless Haruhi wasn't around to distract him with her flat-chested womanly-wiles (I say this not in a derisive tone, for I too know the pain of having no boobies).
Oh, and this is classic:
think my first impression was bad. I was so nervous! I made it into a threat message! I've made some friends here, though. I've met Souga-san and the Hitachiin twins. The twins, I've noticed, are annoying. I can tell from the way they talk. I already know I won't get along with them. I'm kinda happy though. At least I already have some friends. I miss my old friends in America. I also miss my parents. I wish they'll come home earlier but, I can't force them. I wonder what kind of people my host family will be. I hope they're nice-
(It's underlined 'cause it's a diary entry; author's doing, not mine.) I just love how she's all, "I've made friends!" and then goes on to say how annoying the Hitachiin twins are, and how she's not going to get along with them, but oh yes they're friends yes, yes.
I know that when I meet people who annoy the shit out of me my first thought is "Yay! Friends-chans sugoi!"
Final Thoughts:
1) Why would Hani recognize her, but she doesn't recognize Hani? That's really weird.
2) Poor Kyouya... she's basically a slightly more-surly, less-intelligent version of Haruhi. Le sigh.
by SmartOotori (if she's so smart, how does she manage to make a mistake like writing this 'fic?)
a new girl just showed up in Ouran without her parents so, she has to stay with a host family until Christmas. the Host Club meets her and....well, read the story. I suck at summaries. OCxKyouya
I hate it when authors say that. If you suck at summaries, don't write them.
Kyouya hasn't even shown up yet, as it's just the first chapter, but I dare say that I dislike KyouyaXOC characters, because 'fic authors are notoriously poor at portraying him.
Category:
OMD SELF-INSERT-CHANS!XKyouya
Status:
Work in Progress -- 1 Completely Annoying Chapter in Which Absolutely Nothing Happens
First Complaint: Making her bad at algebra doesn't free her from the shackles of Suedom; put whatever hat you want on her, Dunce or no, she's still a Sue, and not even one of a different color.
Rating:
"DEMON-EYES KYOUYA..."
The Good:
The grammar and spelling in this are surprisingly up-to-par with other stories that don't turn my brain into goo. Unfortunately, this author doesn't really know what to do with commas, and sometimes she gets her prepositions mixed up (using "at" instead of "on", for instance). But none of that really matters, because I've come to expect that everything I read is going to be riddled with mistakes. At least this story is readable, and I can actually understand what's happening.
Also, I've never read an author yet that didn't introduce the MC's love interest in the first chapter. Kudos for going against the grain.
The Bad:
I won't talk again about how I hate when authors write anything with Kyouya as the main character, gettin' it on with some OC.
Here's her description of Hanako, the MC:
Well, you might want to get to know me, my name's Kinomoto Hanako. I have long luscious brown hair. My pools of amber eyes are one of my best features. I hide them with my big rimmed glasses because I hate getting attention. I moved to Japan alone because my parents are busy in America. The company is called the Kinomoto Industires. We are in the medical department and the technology department, too. The company is worldwide so, sometimes my parents have to travel. They said they will be with me before Christmas which I doubt that. They are very VERY busy so, I'm alone with the exception of my personal maid, Hanakino Mika, which I think of her as a second mother. I have to live with a host family until Christmas so, I won't be alone, but I still think I'm alone. I still need to meet my host family so, I'll meet them after school. Enough about me, let's go back to the story.
Issue number one: when I read "My pools of amber eyes", I picture pools, Juusenkyo-style, filled with amber-colored eyes. I had to read it again, because I thought my dyslexic tendencies were playing tricks on me again, but no, that's what the author wrote.
Look, Suethor, we don't care that her eyes are "amber pools", just tell us they're pretty and get on with it. Also, calling hair "luscious" always makes me think of cake.
Also, so, are you going to quit using so, or do we have to beat it out of you?
"Thank you, Kinomoto-san." The teacher said, "Please take a seat between the Hitachiin twins. Hitachiin-sans, please raise your hands so, she could find her way to her seat."
Asking the Hitachiin twins to raise their hands so you know who they are is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of -- well, not the stupidest, but that sounds better than "is really dumb, hurr hurr". They're twins! Sit in between the only twins in the classroom.
I don't think Haruhi has shown up yet in this, which is just weird. How is the author going to write that? "Hello Haruhi, welcome to the Host Club! Here's a girl!" I dunno, it just seems odd, like she couldn't get her little self-insert together with Kyouya unless Haruhi wasn't around to distract him with her flat-chested womanly-wiles (I say this not in a derisive tone, for I too know the pain of having no boobies).
Oh, and this is classic:
think my first impression was bad. I was so nervous! I made it into a threat message! I've made some friends here, though. I've met Souga-san and the Hitachiin twins. The twins, I've noticed, are annoying. I can tell from the way they talk. I already know I won't get along with them. I'm kinda happy though. At least I already have some friends. I miss my old friends in America. I also miss my parents. I wish they'll come home earlier but, I can't force them. I wonder what kind of people my host family will be. I hope they're nice-
(It's underlined 'cause it's a diary entry; author's doing, not mine.) I just love how she's all, "I've made friends!" and then goes on to say how annoying the Hitachiin twins are, and how she's not going to get along with them, but oh yes they're friends yes, yes.
I know that when I meet people who annoy the shit out of me my first thought is "Yay! Friends-chans sugoi!"
Final Thoughts:
1) Why would Hani recognize her, but she doesn't recognize Hani? That's really weird.
2) Poor Kyouya... she's basically a slightly more-surly, less-intelligent version of Haruhi. Le sigh.