Here we go again.
I've never felt as alone as I do when I dance in my room by myself. I can sit, walk, jump, run, whatever. But dancing...that's really really tough.
If I really think about my mood and try to post the right option, I find it impossible. At first I think I don't really feel anything, and then I realize it's just such a mix that I can't choose one over the other. If emotions were colors, I would be poopy brown because they're all mixing together. And since they're obviously not all good emotions, I would isolate one and either smooth it out or try to fix it, but I can't pick one over the other without feeling like I'm neglecting something or picking up more than I actually want to. Like pick-up sticks, except not fun or at Grandma's house.
So my mom IS making me pay rent, for once and for all. I won't complain about the rent, it's the cheapest you'll find anywhere. I will complain about my mom though. Just not right now.
I want my soul to rest. For as long as I can remember, I've been perpetually hoping/searching/freting for something. I got to settle for a couple years, and now I'm back up again with the kicked dust. It's my fault, but I don't know how to fix it. "Not knowing" always seems like the foundation of the problem as well. I have SO many memories that I'm ashamed of, and it takes me so long to either feel like I've made up for it or bury it far enough into my memory that it doesn't matter anymore. I'm terrified of myself and what I might do at any given moment and far in the future.
When I see Becca and Tina, I remember what it was like to be their best friends, and I remember how much I've changed. It makes me sad, but (not because) I know it's nothing but a great thing.
The new awesome Ok Go song has a rhythm that makes me think of spinning on treadmills...I don't know why! I can just hear it in the song all the time...
If I really think about my mood and try to post the right option, I find it impossible. At first I think I don't really feel anything, and then I realize it's just such a mix that I can't choose one over the other. If emotions were colors, I would be poopy brown because they're all mixing together. And since they're obviously not all good emotions, I would isolate one and either smooth it out or try to fix it, but I can't pick one over the other without feeling like I'm neglecting something or picking up more than I actually want to. Like pick-up sticks, except not fun or at Grandma's house.
So my mom IS making me pay rent, for once and for all. I won't complain about the rent, it's the cheapest you'll find anywhere. I will complain about my mom though. Just not right now.
I want my soul to rest. For as long as I can remember, I've been perpetually hoping/searching/freting for something. I got to settle for a couple years, and now I'm back up again with the kicked dust. It's my fault, but I don't know how to fix it. "Not knowing" always seems like the foundation of the problem as well. I have SO many memories that I'm ashamed of, and it takes me so long to either feel like I've made up for it or bury it far enough into my memory that it doesn't matter anymore. I'm terrified of myself and what I might do at any given moment and far in the future.
When I see Becca and Tina, I remember what it was like to be their best friends, and I remember how much I've changed. It makes me sad, but (not because) I know it's nothing but a great thing.
The new awesome Ok Go song has a rhythm that makes me think of spinning on treadmills...I don't know why! I can just hear it in the song all the time...