I Miss You - Judd/Jones - 2/2
Name: I Miss You
Authour: Me, Jess.
Rating: 17, for language.
Part: 2/2
Pairing: JuddJones
Words: 1,864.
Disclaimer: As far as I'm aware this isn't true, nor do I own McFly.
Harry was deliberating. His feet pacing along the harsh concrete path with his eyes pinned to the pink sky, watching it light up inch by inch as the sun peeked over the top of the cityscape. He didn’t know where he was going; nevertheless he didn’t know what he was running from either.
His eyes were glazed over and his mind was scattered in the crevices between the slats of concrete. He didn’t know where he was anymore, his nerves had numbed and his body taken over - all he knew is that he wanted Danny back, so badly he could hear his regret in between his heartbeats.
Harry’s feet stapled themselves to the ground, and Harry’s eyes narrowed, slightly confused as he woke from his gaze, peering along the street trying to figure out where he was. And then it clicked. He was standing outside the small little house, barely big enough for one, with a horrendously overgrown garden. The one with tiles missing on the small roof and vines overtaking the side of the wood almost harmoniously. He was standing outside Danny’s house.
Almost instinctively he felt himself drifting towards the front door, followed slowly by the sound of Danny’s dog’s bark. Harry sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, nervously gulping as he edged towards the door.
He hesitantly lifted his hand to knock, his knuckled white as his fingers clenched - and he froze, what was he expecting? Danny to jump back into his arms because he’d finally trampled his own pride to the ground and come back begging? Because as much as he prayed for that to happen, Harry found the chance of it happening diminishing before his eyes.
His knuckles collided with the door almost forcefully, his eyes clenching as his chest halted, his lungs mid-breath and his body shifting into an almost shocked state.
There was a shuffle behind the door and Harry froze a little more, his knuckles still brushing the chipped paint covering the harsh wood as his mind retorted, pulling his hand away to shove inside his pocket.
Harry had no idea how long he stood there until there was the sound of a yawn and Danny’s fingers clasping around the doorhandle filled the void air. The door whipped open to reveal Danny in naught but his boxer shorts.
His eyes were squinting to see through the morning haze and his toes curled up as the wind hit him through the doorway, his hair plastered up in random places as he yawned again - his arms stretching over his head for a moment before his eyes clicked against Harry’s.
“Danny,” Harry said, knowing nowhere else to start.
“Morning?” Danny whispered, taking a step backwards.
“I’m. Really sorry,” Harry’s eyes broke off to fall at the doormat.
Danny didn’t say anything; spinning on his heels as he walked further into the house, leaving the door swinging widely open as he disappeared around the corner. Harry shuffled forward slightly as he edged his way into the small hallway, shutting the door softly behind himself.
Harry followed Danny through into the miniscule kitchen, tentatively. His feet edging against the tiles as he held his breath, his eyes falling onto Danny again, he was slumped over the bench, pulling a mug out of the cupboard.
“Coffee?” Danny grunted.
“Do you have to ask?” Harry uneasily chuckled.
“It’s not even six o’clock, Harry,” Danny mumbled and for the first time, he sounded deflated - he sounded tired, and broken. And that hurt almost as much as seeing him dance with somebody else. Somebody that wasn’t Harry.
“I need to say I’m sorry - that I was. Well that I was wrong,” Harry mumbled, his eyes dropping to the tiles, watching the dirt stuck in the grout.
“Wrong about what?” Danny sighed, falling forward to press his forehead against the bench, placing his hands on the back of his head as he groaned against the bench-top.
“About everything, really,” Harry mumbled, walking forward to collapse onto one of the three kitchen chairs (Danny didn’t see any need for more than three, one for him, one for Harry and one for his dog).
Danny grunted, standing up straighter as the kettle finished boiling - tipping the steaming water into the mugs - his back still to Harry.
“Don’t do this, Harry, I can’t survive this constant -” Danny’s voice broke off with a timid squeak as he shuffled back towards the table, collapsing into the seat opposite Harry’s, pushing a coffee mug across the table towards Harry.
“I was wrong - I thought that if I broke it off while we were still separate people - then we wouldn’t, well then I wouldn’t get hurt,”
“How selfish of you,” Danny yawned, falling forward onto his crossed arms, his eyes still locked with Harry’s.
“I know - well, I know that now,” Harry sighed, sipping at his coffee.
“I don’t know what to do,” Danny groaned, clenching his eyes shut.
“I’m an idiot,” Harry muttered.
“You are an idiot,” Danny sighed.
“I’m sorry though - I’m. I’m not the same, without you,”
“We were together for a year Harry - we were -”
“We were lasting, Danny - you were there when I woke up, you made me dinner, you hugged me when I needed it without me needing to ask, you went Christmas shopping with my mum - you are perfect,” Harry mumbled, his voice low as it skimmed around the room, “I didn’t want to ruin that. I didn’t want to ruin you,”
“And leaving was the best way to not hurt me?” Danny grimaced, sipping at his coffee as he closed his eyes.
“I thought so - at the time, yes. But I didn’t think about - about the fact that I can’t sleep without you anymore, that I can’t function without you anymore. You’re more vital to me than oxygen,” Harry whispered, his voice harsh as it hummed along the table.
“I couldn’t eat, Harry. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything I just sat on my bed staring forward for days until Tom came and found me, he had to carry me to the bathroom and force me into the shower. He had to shove food down my throat - that was you making this all better?” Danny choked; his voice harsh and whipping against the cold air, his eyes still clenched shut tightly.
“I thought I was, in the long run at least,” Harry muttered, lowering his eyes in frustration.
“You thought wrong,”
“I know, just - can we, is it possible to just - go back in time?” Harry whispered hoarsely.
“I just don’t know, Harry - I, I need to think about it, I just got my life back,” Danny whispered, his shoulders drooping as he sighed, running his fingers through his loose matted curls.
“You know where I’ll be when you - when you know what you want, I suppose,” Harry whispered, pushing himself away from the table and spinning.
“Harry?” Danny mumbled, rising to his feet as he stared timidly across at Harry.
Harry didn’t reply, just froze with his back towards Danny, listening intently.
“I want to forgive you. But it’s harder than that, isn’t it?”
Harry just nodded as he took a step towards the door, another step away from Danny. And then he was outside again, on the footpath with tears streaming down his cheeks, running through the crevices of his contorted face. And his lungs were screaming furiously as the oxygen burnt its way into his body - because the oxygen didn’t have Danny in it. And now he couldn’t breathe.
***
Harry’s knees were pressed against his chest as he let his head loll backwards, his spine pressed against the swooping trunk of a large tree, and his eyes drifting over the overgrown grass, just watching the morning frost slowly appear. There was a dark ominous light cast over the small park, as Harry’s eyes blasted open and his lungs filled with the cold air.
He just sat there, and breathed, his mind numbed and his fingers coiled around a few mindless shards of grass, haphazardly combing through them as he stared at the rustle of the wind. When he couldn’t sleep he always found himself here - in the small park on the outskirts of the town, just a block of clean grass, a scattering of trees and a dilapidated swing-set.
He’d completely ruined his chances now. Harry sighed as he angrily fisted his hands through his hair. Danny was gone - he wasn’t coming back anymore. Harry just had to remind himself to breathe, remind himself how to work with the knowledge that a part of him was missing. And that part was the perfect Danny.
There was the soft cry of a small bird as it hopped from one branch to another, and Harry watched the sun rise ever so slowly over the bleak horizon.
He knew he would have to get over this at some point; maybe he’d listen to Dougie and get drunk and let loose - maybe he’d just wallow until the complete numbness overtook his body again and then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. It wouldn’t hurt so much.
Harry groaned as he leaned forward to bury his face in his hands, sick of watching the frost on the ground slowly defrosting in the perfect morning sun - and then he heard the rustle of footsteps and the slow steady rhythm of something coming.
“Harry?” Danny mumbled, his feet scuffing along the grass as he edged towards the huddled body at the base of the tree.
“Danny?” Harry whispered, rubbing at his eyes - he hadn’t slept in so long that he feared Danny mightn’t even be there - his body silhouetted against the pinks and yellows of the morning sun.
“I - I thought about it,” Danny muttered, one of his hands running up to scratch at the back of his neck, his freckled flesh stretching along the bones of his perfect body.
Harry didn’t say anything, he just slowly stood up, deeply breathing in for a moment before letting his eyes blast open, scanning Danny’s disgruntled figure, letting his eyes wander what he was sure he’d lost.
“It started again - once you were gone, Harry. You were there. You were in my kitchen. And I let you walk away, again - and then I was stuck in a continuous loop and, I never. And I mean never, want to be there again,” Danny breathed, his feet scuffing along the ground awkwardly as he peered up at Harry through the fallen curtain of curls.
Harry blinked slowly, his lungs overinflating as he tried to piece this all together.
“So?” Harry sighed breathlessly, his body effortlessly gravitating towards Danny’s.
“So. I think. Maybe. We could. Try,” Danny punctuated his words with a giant step towards Harry, his hands looping around Harry’s lower back, his chest leaning towards Harry’s as their lips met.
Harry melted against Danny, blasting his eyes open to stare into the cerulean pools of Danny’s for a moment before losing himself in the moment.
And all of a sudden. Harry could breathe again. God knows they weren’t perfect, they were far from it. But for the moment, they were breathing. And they were surviving.
Authour: Me, Jess.
Rating: 17, for language.
Part: 2/2
Pairing: JuddJones
Words: 1,864.
Disclaimer: As far as I'm aware this isn't true, nor do I own McFly.
Harry was deliberating. His feet pacing along the harsh concrete path with his eyes pinned to the pink sky, watching it light up inch by inch as the sun peeked over the top of the cityscape. He didn’t know where he was going; nevertheless he didn’t know what he was running from either.
His eyes were glazed over and his mind was scattered in the crevices between the slats of concrete. He didn’t know where he was anymore, his nerves had numbed and his body taken over - all he knew is that he wanted Danny back, so badly he could hear his regret in between his heartbeats.
Harry’s feet stapled themselves to the ground, and Harry’s eyes narrowed, slightly confused as he woke from his gaze, peering along the street trying to figure out where he was. And then it clicked. He was standing outside the small little house, barely big enough for one, with a horrendously overgrown garden. The one with tiles missing on the small roof and vines overtaking the side of the wood almost harmoniously. He was standing outside Danny’s house.
Almost instinctively he felt himself drifting towards the front door, followed slowly by the sound of Danny’s dog’s bark. Harry sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, nervously gulping as he edged towards the door.
He hesitantly lifted his hand to knock, his knuckled white as his fingers clenched - and he froze, what was he expecting? Danny to jump back into his arms because he’d finally trampled his own pride to the ground and come back begging? Because as much as he prayed for that to happen, Harry found the chance of it happening diminishing before his eyes.
His knuckles collided with the door almost forcefully, his eyes clenching as his chest halted, his lungs mid-breath and his body shifting into an almost shocked state.
There was a shuffle behind the door and Harry froze a little more, his knuckles still brushing the chipped paint covering the harsh wood as his mind retorted, pulling his hand away to shove inside his pocket.
Harry had no idea how long he stood there until there was the sound of a yawn and Danny’s fingers clasping around the doorhandle filled the void air. The door whipped open to reveal Danny in naught but his boxer shorts.
His eyes were squinting to see through the morning haze and his toes curled up as the wind hit him through the doorway, his hair plastered up in random places as he yawned again - his arms stretching over his head for a moment before his eyes clicked against Harry’s.
“Danny,” Harry said, knowing nowhere else to start.
“Morning?” Danny whispered, taking a step backwards.
“I’m. Really sorry,” Harry’s eyes broke off to fall at the doormat.
Danny didn’t say anything; spinning on his heels as he walked further into the house, leaving the door swinging widely open as he disappeared around the corner. Harry shuffled forward slightly as he edged his way into the small hallway, shutting the door softly behind himself.
Harry followed Danny through into the miniscule kitchen, tentatively. His feet edging against the tiles as he held his breath, his eyes falling onto Danny again, he was slumped over the bench, pulling a mug out of the cupboard.
“Coffee?” Danny grunted.
“Do you have to ask?” Harry uneasily chuckled.
“It’s not even six o’clock, Harry,” Danny mumbled and for the first time, he sounded deflated - he sounded tired, and broken. And that hurt almost as much as seeing him dance with somebody else. Somebody that wasn’t Harry.
“I need to say I’m sorry - that I was. Well that I was wrong,” Harry mumbled, his eyes dropping to the tiles, watching the dirt stuck in the grout.
“Wrong about what?” Danny sighed, falling forward to press his forehead against the bench, placing his hands on the back of his head as he groaned against the bench-top.
“About everything, really,” Harry mumbled, walking forward to collapse onto one of the three kitchen chairs (Danny didn’t see any need for more than three, one for him, one for Harry and one for his dog).
Danny grunted, standing up straighter as the kettle finished boiling - tipping the steaming water into the mugs - his back still to Harry.
“Don’t do this, Harry, I can’t survive this constant -” Danny’s voice broke off with a timid squeak as he shuffled back towards the table, collapsing into the seat opposite Harry’s, pushing a coffee mug across the table towards Harry.
“I was wrong - I thought that if I broke it off while we were still separate people - then we wouldn’t, well then I wouldn’t get hurt,”
“How selfish of you,” Danny yawned, falling forward onto his crossed arms, his eyes still locked with Harry’s.
“I know - well, I know that now,” Harry sighed, sipping at his coffee.
“I don’t know what to do,” Danny groaned, clenching his eyes shut.
“I’m an idiot,” Harry muttered.
“You are an idiot,” Danny sighed.
“I’m sorry though - I’m. I’m not the same, without you,”
“We were together for a year Harry - we were -”
“We were lasting, Danny - you were there when I woke up, you made me dinner, you hugged me when I needed it without me needing to ask, you went Christmas shopping with my mum - you are perfect,” Harry mumbled, his voice low as it skimmed around the room, “I didn’t want to ruin that. I didn’t want to ruin you,”
“And leaving was the best way to not hurt me?” Danny grimaced, sipping at his coffee as he closed his eyes.
“I thought so - at the time, yes. But I didn’t think about - about the fact that I can’t sleep without you anymore, that I can’t function without you anymore. You’re more vital to me than oxygen,” Harry whispered, his voice harsh as it hummed along the table.
“I couldn’t eat, Harry. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything I just sat on my bed staring forward for days until Tom came and found me, he had to carry me to the bathroom and force me into the shower. He had to shove food down my throat - that was you making this all better?” Danny choked; his voice harsh and whipping against the cold air, his eyes still clenched shut tightly.
“I thought I was, in the long run at least,” Harry muttered, lowering his eyes in frustration.
“You thought wrong,”
“I know, just - can we, is it possible to just - go back in time?” Harry whispered hoarsely.
“I just don’t know, Harry - I, I need to think about it, I just got my life back,” Danny whispered, his shoulders drooping as he sighed, running his fingers through his loose matted curls.
“You know where I’ll be when you - when you know what you want, I suppose,” Harry whispered, pushing himself away from the table and spinning.
“Harry?” Danny mumbled, rising to his feet as he stared timidly across at Harry.
Harry didn’t reply, just froze with his back towards Danny, listening intently.
“I want to forgive you. But it’s harder than that, isn’t it?”
Harry just nodded as he took a step towards the door, another step away from Danny. And then he was outside again, on the footpath with tears streaming down his cheeks, running through the crevices of his contorted face. And his lungs were screaming furiously as the oxygen burnt its way into his body - because the oxygen didn’t have Danny in it. And now he couldn’t breathe.
***
Harry’s knees were pressed against his chest as he let his head loll backwards, his spine pressed against the swooping trunk of a large tree, and his eyes drifting over the overgrown grass, just watching the morning frost slowly appear. There was a dark ominous light cast over the small park, as Harry’s eyes blasted open and his lungs filled with the cold air.
He just sat there, and breathed, his mind numbed and his fingers coiled around a few mindless shards of grass, haphazardly combing through them as he stared at the rustle of the wind. When he couldn’t sleep he always found himself here - in the small park on the outskirts of the town, just a block of clean grass, a scattering of trees and a dilapidated swing-set.
He’d completely ruined his chances now. Harry sighed as he angrily fisted his hands through his hair. Danny was gone - he wasn’t coming back anymore. Harry just had to remind himself to breathe, remind himself how to work with the knowledge that a part of him was missing. And that part was the perfect Danny.
There was the soft cry of a small bird as it hopped from one branch to another, and Harry watched the sun rise ever so slowly over the bleak horizon.
He knew he would have to get over this at some point; maybe he’d listen to Dougie and get drunk and let loose - maybe he’d just wallow until the complete numbness overtook his body again and then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. It wouldn’t hurt so much.
Harry groaned as he leaned forward to bury his face in his hands, sick of watching the frost on the ground slowly defrosting in the perfect morning sun - and then he heard the rustle of footsteps and the slow steady rhythm of something coming.
“Harry?” Danny mumbled, his feet scuffing along the grass as he edged towards the huddled body at the base of the tree.
“Danny?” Harry whispered, rubbing at his eyes - he hadn’t slept in so long that he feared Danny mightn’t even be there - his body silhouetted against the pinks and yellows of the morning sun.
“I - I thought about it,” Danny muttered, one of his hands running up to scratch at the back of his neck, his freckled flesh stretching along the bones of his perfect body.
Harry didn’t say anything, he just slowly stood up, deeply breathing in for a moment before letting his eyes blast open, scanning Danny’s disgruntled figure, letting his eyes wander what he was sure he’d lost.
“It started again - once you were gone, Harry. You were there. You were in my kitchen. And I let you walk away, again - and then I was stuck in a continuous loop and, I never. And I mean never, want to be there again,” Danny breathed, his feet scuffing along the ground awkwardly as he peered up at Harry through the fallen curtain of curls.
Harry blinked slowly, his lungs overinflating as he tried to piece this all together.
“So?” Harry sighed breathlessly, his body effortlessly gravitating towards Danny’s.
“So. I think. Maybe. We could. Try,” Danny punctuated his words with a giant step towards Harry, his hands looping around Harry’s lower back, his chest leaning towards Harry’s as their lips met.
Harry melted against Danny, blasting his eyes open to stare into the cerulean pools of Danny’s for a moment before losing himself in the moment.
And all of a sudden. Harry could breathe again. God knows they weren’t perfect, they were far from it. But for the moment, they were breathing. And they were surviving.