"Always knew it'd come to this"
So yeah... lots of reflection tonight spawned by a bunch of different shit. Really taking a long look in the mirror I guess, thinking about how much I've changed over the past few years and how much I'm beginning to hate that change because its becoming a big weakness. Before I cared about nobody, now I cant help but care for people, even total fucking strangers. Before I never believed in "love" and now its all I think about. Well you know what? fuck this shit. The person I've become is dead, I gotta transform myself into someone who doesnt let his emotions get the best of him, who thinks with his head and not his heart, who seeks out things that matter in life. Money, Success, Power. Not lame emotional shit. I'm getting my diploma from education direct soon as possible, and then getting the hell away from here. Going to college, completely dedicate myself there, and make a huge impact on the world. Dont ask me how... but I will.
My philosophy now? The world is a giant fucking toilet bowl and people are just pieces of shit, the only thing you can do this life is try to become the biggest piece of shit on the pile.
Eh these are a few songs that I've related a bit too lately...
This song is Bottom by tool....
My compassion is broken now. My will is eroded,
and my desire stolen and it makes me feel ugly.
I'm on my knees and burning.
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire.
So smell my soul burning.
I'm broken, looking up to see the enemy.
I have swallowed the poison you feed me ...
but I survive on it,
and it leaves me guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed..
and I feel ugly, and dead inside.
Shit adds up at the bottom.
You've left me no choice but to go inside and rebuild
what's broken.
Too much, too far, too late to lie down now.
I must arm myself to fight you
by making weapons out of my imperfections.
It's all I have left.
There's no other choice.
I'm shameless, nameless, nothing, and noone now.
But my soul must be iron for my fear is naked.
I'm naked and fearless.
But I'm dead inside.
You see.. shit adds up, now I'm dead inside.
Hatred, weakness, and guilt keep me alive
at the bottom.
..........
This is "You know you'r right" by Nirvana.....
I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put in to this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain {3x}
You Know your Right {3x}
I'm so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let’s talk about someone else
Steaming soup against mouth
I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew to come like this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain {5x}
You know Your Right {17x}
....................................
This last song is "Intolerance" By Tool. It sums up my view of humanity.
I don't want to be hostile.
I don't want to be dismal.
But I don't want to rot in an apathetic existance either.
See
I want to believe you,
and I want to trust
and I want to have faith to put away the dagger.
But you lie, cheat, and steal.
And yet
I tolerate you.
Veil of virtue hung to hide your method
while I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your praise and glory.
Shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma
as I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your glory
while you
lie, cheat, and steal.
How can I tolerate you.
Our guilt,our blame ,
I've been far too sympathetic.
Our blood, our fault.
I've been far too sympathetic.
I am not innocent.
You are not innocent.
Noone is innocent.
I will no longer tolerate you
Even if I must go down beside you.
Because,
Noone is innocent.
....................................
My philosophy now? The world is a giant fucking toilet bowl and people are just pieces of shit, the only thing you can do this life is try to become the biggest piece of shit on the pile.
Eh these are a few songs that I've related a bit too lately...
This song is Bottom by tool....
My compassion is broken now. My will is eroded,
and my desire stolen and it makes me feel ugly.
I'm on my knees and burning.
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire.
So smell my soul burning.
I'm broken, looking up to see the enemy.
I have swallowed the poison you feed me ...
but I survive on it,
and it leaves me guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed..
and I feel ugly, and dead inside.
Shit adds up at the bottom.
You've left me no choice but to go inside and rebuild
what's broken.
Too much, too far, too late to lie down now.
I must arm myself to fight you
by making weapons out of my imperfections.
It's all I have left.
There's no other choice.
I'm shameless, nameless, nothing, and noone now.
But my soul must be iron for my fear is naked.
I'm naked and fearless.
But I'm dead inside.
You see.. shit adds up, now I'm dead inside.
Hatred, weakness, and guilt keep me alive
at the bottom.
..........
This is "You know you'r right" by Nirvana.....
I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put in to this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain {3x}
You Know your Right {3x}
I'm so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let’s talk about someone else
Steaming soup against mouth
I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew to come like this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain {5x}
You know Your Right {17x}
....................................
This last song is "Intolerance" By Tool. It sums up my view of humanity.
I don't want to be hostile.
I don't want to be dismal.
But I don't want to rot in an apathetic existance either.
See
I want to believe you,
and I want to trust
and I want to have faith to put away the dagger.
But you lie, cheat, and steal.
And yet
I tolerate you.
Veil of virtue hung to hide your method
while I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your praise and glory.
Shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma
as I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your glory
while you
lie, cheat, and steal.
How can I tolerate you.
Our guilt,our blame ,
I've been far too sympathetic.
Our blood, our fault.
I've been far too sympathetic.
I am not innocent.
You are not innocent.
Noone is innocent.
I will no longer tolerate you
Even if I must go down beside you.
Because,
Noone is innocent.
....................................