(no subject)
It wasn't so much that what they were saying did not make sense. It was probably that I was willing to take a conselation prize immediately. I could not do a critique of a brave new world. Honestly any world with out a god dicking around in it was what I was looking for and it had it. Wham, we have a winner. What's bad about the world? who fucking cares.
Now in effort that I have failed to achieve let's try again. Thao and I chatted tonight... and she remarks Jacob it feels like you are holding back who you are. I later ask her what am I holding back? She says that it's about my mother; it's about me being hurt a long time ago and it still happening today. Follow up after follow up Thao literally nails me on the head. Then I admite, yes Thao you are correct.
I am having dream issues about my mother. I was hurt horrifically by my break ups and relationship decisions. I explain it to her and she says she worries about me. I don't want her to, but she would like to. I tell her I often don't tell the people I love that I do, because of the past times i've been hurt. That often times I refrain from developing feelings for someone because i'm afraid of getting hurt.
She asks if I am always feeling awesome like I say; I say i'm not. I'm very different in "person". I am very different all across the board.
I don't tell her i'm a solipsist. That I hope no one exists. Because if we all existed at the exact same level as I do and somehow we still couldn't manage our shit out and this is the best world we could make, then fuck this. We're useless. Consoling words from a ghost in your mind; don't worry about Tory she doesn't exist at all. But the mind does not realize that things inside of it arein existence and she is in my mind.
The reality proposition I have been assuming my entire life;
The worlds absolute origins are unknowable.
Our realities designs are not entirely knowable.
Not all knowledge is knowable.
If I was going to be put into a world;
If I was going to create a world;
I would make a world like this one.
A horrific shit pile.
I can't prove the quality, honesty, or level of your thought.
I can only make inferences.
If there is a god; the god made the world death centric.
If I am the god of the world I don't know it.
The people who follow the currently available gods are probably not as conscious of reality as others might be.
You live in a democracy ruled by these people.
We exist in a complicated growing social dynamic.
These dynamics are exercised through social interactions.
They are very complicated and can be difficult.
The world has physical rules.
It has limitations and is entirely imposed.
There is no opt out option for the world*
You have external modifiers
and internal modifiers.
Internal modifiers can be stronger
External are more like peer pressure
internal modifiers are like my conscience
dicipline helps those modifiers; helps you customize them.
Play.
Now in effort that I have failed to achieve let's try again. Thao and I chatted tonight... and she remarks Jacob it feels like you are holding back who you are. I later ask her what am I holding back? She says that it's about my mother; it's about me being hurt a long time ago and it still happening today. Follow up after follow up Thao literally nails me on the head. Then I admite, yes Thao you are correct.
I am having dream issues about my mother. I was hurt horrifically by my break ups and relationship decisions. I explain it to her and she says she worries about me. I don't want her to, but she would like to. I tell her I often don't tell the people I love that I do, because of the past times i've been hurt. That often times I refrain from developing feelings for someone because i'm afraid of getting hurt.
She asks if I am always feeling awesome like I say; I say i'm not. I'm very different in "person". I am very different all across the board.
I don't tell her i'm a solipsist. That I hope no one exists. Because if we all existed at the exact same level as I do and somehow we still couldn't manage our shit out and this is the best world we could make, then fuck this. We're useless. Consoling words from a ghost in your mind; don't worry about Tory she doesn't exist at all. But the mind does not realize that things inside of it arein existence and she is in my mind.
The reality proposition I have been assuming my entire life;
The worlds absolute origins are unknowable.
Our realities designs are not entirely knowable.
Not all knowledge is knowable.
If I was going to be put into a world;
If I was going to create a world;
I would make a world like this one.
A horrific shit pile.
I can't prove the quality, honesty, or level of your thought.
I can only make inferences.
If there is a god; the god made the world death centric.
If I am the god of the world I don't know it.
The people who follow the currently available gods are probably not as conscious of reality as others might be.
You live in a democracy ruled by these people.
We exist in a complicated growing social dynamic.
These dynamics are exercised through social interactions.
They are very complicated and can be difficult.
The world has physical rules.
It has limitations and is entirely imposed.
There is no opt out option for the world*
You have external modifiers
and internal modifiers.
Internal modifiers can be stronger
External are more like peer pressure
internal modifiers are like my conscience
dicipline helps those modifiers; helps you customize them.
Play.