SUGAR RUSH!!!!
i'm still awake, and its doing my box in- I think I've still got some venting to do cause i'm quite teary-
I guess goin back to the start would be good. Went to Edinburgh, rich met me at the bus station and we headed to Ians flat where he is currently staying until they find a flat. I consumed strawberry laces (this is an important factor) and smirnoff ice while I got ready. We headed to the mish where I met Scott and lots of other people whose names escape me lol.
I was quite enjoying myself when quite quickly I went a bit quiet and started to get a bit wierde out, Rich noticed it before I really did- by pointing out I wasnt relaxing when I was dancing which I was sorta aware of. It turned into a downward spiral from there- I decided to get a change of scene and went downstairs to check it out, got a drink and stood at teh side of the dancefloor...lasted about 5 mins before some wierd sort of panic attack set in, I felt very shakey and emotional and very quickly decided I needed to find Rich-not entirely what I would do when I found him.
On finding Rich I got upset and I remember telling him i dont know why.Needles to say he held me and my teary bit passed quickly altho I never quite regained by true happiness while I stayed in the mish.
I had been really looking forward to coming through to the mish- my main reason to vent all the emotion and frustration thats been building up inside me with all this shit to do with Jamie, I still didnt have any answers felt insecure and hadn't figured out everything- i still haven't but i feel a lot better now.
I never saw myself getting upset last night- Rich did- he knows parts of me better than I know myself. I know it was to do with Jamie- i cant really think of any one reason, just probably coz the reason i chose to go to the mish was to get away from it all but i was very aware of the fact that was why i chose to come through.
After the mish we walked... a lot!! (I dont like walking!!) Rich Ian N Scott found liquid acid lol aah how the fun began.We walked back to Scotts, we were supposed to be going to an after party but I wasn't emotionally available for it so Rich opted to stay with me at Scotts. We chatted random nonsense and serious bolloxs too and he was there for many a hug- it was all very sweet and exactly what i needed-affection in the non sexual content. Just thinking about it overwhelms me coz not that Rich was aware of it but given the me n jamie situation I wasnt getting the affection I needed and Rich gave me a huge lump sum last night- most unexpected but so very much appreciated.
Scott arrived back, after a scary phone call where rich though ambulances were getting mentioned- apparently some random unknown dude gave him water and took him home lol but he was ok, so i was then contending with 2 people talking about what the walls looked like?!?!
I dozed randomly, got woken up with rich farting the worlds longest fart in my face lol then spent until 11 or so randomly lounging about sorta sleeping sorta not. Rich got worried about Ians whereabouts coz I had to get my stuff from his and he sonsed in the door absolutely fucked lol merrily entertaining.
We eventually got back to Ians and I got my shit together- I didnt want to go home, not that I spent much time thinking over the Jamie situation it was always in the back of my mind and I guess I didnt want to go back home coz i felt I was having to go back and face the music so to speak and I was worried about it.
I fell asleep on the bus, and in the bath when I got home lol Went n saw Jay for dinner, worrying about having to have the inevitable conversation with him, which i soon changed my mind when I saw him---grumpy and tired and he was distant
In the end he decided to chat to me while we were in bed, a short conversation but enough was covered- he said we had both been wierd, and we had been distant with each other, so i said lets get back to normal then and he agreed, I said we needed some decent time together which luckily he isnt working a lot this week so he's gonna spend time with me this week. If this week goes ok I'll have a rough idea how tough the next while is gonna be, or not hopefully. If we both put effort in this week I now can see this working out, and truthfully I was seeing our 9 months together ending..over shit that wasnt even our fault to begin with.
And i think thats me up to speed with my life nonsense, only that when u eat lots of strawberry laces, fizzy cola thingies and flying saucer sherbet things, mixed with jd n coke and 3 hrs sleep. This is your result. ZZZZZZIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG!!!!
I guess goin back to the start would be good. Went to Edinburgh, rich met me at the bus station and we headed to Ians flat where he is currently staying until they find a flat. I consumed strawberry laces (this is an important factor) and smirnoff ice while I got ready. We headed to the mish where I met Scott and lots of other people whose names escape me lol.
I was quite enjoying myself when quite quickly I went a bit quiet and started to get a bit wierde out, Rich noticed it before I really did- by pointing out I wasnt relaxing when I was dancing which I was sorta aware of. It turned into a downward spiral from there- I decided to get a change of scene and went downstairs to check it out, got a drink and stood at teh side of the dancefloor...lasted about 5 mins before some wierd sort of panic attack set in, I felt very shakey and emotional and very quickly decided I needed to find Rich-not entirely what I would do when I found him.
On finding Rich I got upset and I remember telling him i dont know why.Needles to say he held me and my teary bit passed quickly altho I never quite regained by true happiness while I stayed in the mish.
I had been really looking forward to coming through to the mish- my main reason to vent all the emotion and frustration thats been building up inside me with all this shit to do with Jamie, I still didnt have any answers felt insecure and hadn't figured out everything- i still haven't but i feel a lot better now.
I never saw myself getting upset last night- Rich did- he knows parts of me better than I know myself. I know it was to do with Jamie- i cant really think of any one reason, just probably coz the reason i chose to go to the mish was to get away from it all but i was very aware of the fact that was why i chose to come through.
After the mish we walked... a lot!! (I dont like walking!!) Rich Ian N Scott found liquid acid lol aah how the fun began.We walked back to Scotts, we were supposed to be going to an after party but I wasn't emotionally available for it so Rich opted to stay with me at Scotts. We chatted random nonsense and serious bolloxs too and he was there for many a hug- it was all very sweet and exactly what i needed-affection in the non sexual content. Just thinking about it overwhelms me coz not that Rich was aware of it but given the me n jamie situation I wasnt getting the affection I needed and Rich gave me a huge lump sum last night- most unexpected but so very much appreciated.
Scott arrived back, after a scary phone call where rich though ambulances were getting mentioned- apparently some random unknown dude gave him water and took him home lol but he was ok, so i was then contending with 2 people talking about what the walls looked like?!?!
I dozed randomly, got woken up with rich farting the worlds longest fart in my face lol then spent until 11 or so randomly lounging about sorta sleeping sorta not. Rich got worried about Ians whereabouts coz I had to get my stuff from his and he sonsed in the door absolutely fucked lol merrily entertaining.
We eventually got back to Ians and I got my shit together- I didnt want to go home, not that I spent much time thinking over the Jamie situation it was always in the back of my mind and I guess I didnt want to go back home coz i felt I was having to go back and face the music so to speak and I was worried about it.
I fell asleep on the bus, and in the bath when I got home lol Went n saw Jay for dinner, worrying about having to have the inevitable conversation with him, which i soon changed my mind when I saw him---grumpy and tired and he was distant
In the end he decided to chat to me while we were in bed, a short conversation but enough was covered- he said we had both been wierd, and we had been distant with each other, so i said lets get back to normal then and he agreed, I said we needed some decent time together which luckily he isnt working a lot this week so he's gonna spend time with me this week. If this week goes ok I'll have a rough idea how tough the next while is gonna be, or not hopefully. If we both put effort in this week I now can see this working out, and truthfully I was seeing our 9 months together ending..over shit that wasnt even our fault to begin with.
And i think thats me up to speed with my life nonsense, only that when u eat lots of strawberry laces, fizzy cola thingies and flying saucer sherbet things, mixed with jd n coke and 3 hrs sleep. This is your result. ZZZZZZIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG!!!!