New Story!

[intylerwetrust0]

I just finished watching a segment on the History Channel discussing the theory of Ancient Astronauts. There seems to be inconclusive evidence across the globe that we were visited by aliens in our past. They pointed to the alignment of structures in several older civilizations as having near perfect correlation to heavenly bodies, which is strange

Comments

[ink_bleeder]

Yay, story!

Can't say much for the concept except things better get crazy really fast. Okay, I admit that the idea, if it were true, that humans actually came from outer space would be pretty mind blowing, but in fiction it has been done fairly often (so often, in fact, that it poured over into religion).
I'm also unsure about how I should be picturing these men. Are the hardcore military men, government muscle men, brilliant yet hardened explorer scientists? I get the idea one is duty bound and the other is an intelligent type, but I think the attempt to set up atmosphere may have gotten out of hand.
As per usual, cut words. Example:
'Abdul looked taken aback and opened his mouth to refute the Generals words.'
-could be-
Abdul, taken aback, began to refute. The General cut him short.

I think you get it.
I see potential, but like I said, crazy - quick. Shit better start blowing up within the next five paragraphs or you've lost a good portion of the sci-fi audience. And if pyrotechnics aren't your gig, there has to be some crazy obscure physics or natural exception, something to do with the Golden mean, whatever, that you can throw in the mix. I have a feeling this may have been you toying with the idea of ancient yet highly intelligent societies, which sounds good, but the reader has to be knee deep by the end of the first couple pages (paragraphs if it's a short story), or there will be problems.
I look forward to your other story and its reviews. I'm working on some stuff currently as well, but without internets at home, it's hard to post them (I always forget I have a flash drive).