(no subject)
Note: Journal entry was written during a fit of anger. Excuse spelling, grammer, and logic errors.
So, I just had another fight with my mother. She's angry because I don't appreciate anything she ever does for me, blah blah blah. I listen to her shit all day about how I'm unhealthy and overweight. I listen to her shit about how all Manda and I do is stay in our rooms all day and never come out. I even have to put up with her shit when she tells me what I should study in school, what I should do with my career, etc. I think it's fair to be able to tell her to shut up once in a while. This morning, she practically forced Manda to eat breakfast, even though Manda doesn't eat in the morning. It was even worse that she made her a meaty sandwich, which is a big no-no for Manda in the morning. Then, she tells me that if I won't call Fourouz about my depression, since I'm feeling better, I should call her and ask her about eating healthier. She does this to me EVERY DAY. I listen to her rants about healthy eating EVERY DAY. She's not exactly slim, either. Besides, lets review what my life is like. I work 30 hours a week doing computer tech work, which is pretty tiring, especially since I've been really swamped with work lately. I'm also studying new programming languages and trying to start a company. I'm 5'11" and I weigh 200 pounds. Ok, yes, that's a bit much, but it's not bad by any means. After all the work I do, I want to be able to just sit in my room and chill, especially since I'm constantly annoyed by my parents when I go out into the kitchen. I'm a computer science major which is, even with current problems, a very well-paid field. Eventually, I'll probably study Religions and Philosophy and teach that. 4-year university professors get paid well also, so I don't see much of a problem with it. Not only that, but I'm getting a PhD, which is something that neither her or my dad have done (they both have Master's degrees). So is that really that bad? I'm not anti-social by any means, and enjoy the company of people I can get along with. I'm not fat at all, and I've been eating healthier for the past 3 days, and drinking 10 glasses of water a day. I work at a very well-paid job for an 18 year old, and when I get promoted in October, I'll be making only a tiny bit less than my mom gets paid now (and she's 45). Yes, I am on vacation from school right now, but I assure you, I'll be very busy once fall comes around.
Now, let's take a look at what I get if I live the way my mom wants me to live:
- I'll never be able to enjoy food, since I'll be eating tasteless fruits and veggies for the rest of my life. Also, you have to remember that my mom eats more crap than I do on a regular basis. Apparently, dairy is bad for you now, too. No more milk, she says. I've been drinking milk almost every day for my entire life, and I think I'm doing ok.
- I'll work at a meaningless job for the rest of my life where no one will ever notice me. The upside, at least according to my mother, is that I'll always have a stable income. Woo-fucking-hoo.
- I'll sit out there with my family, on the back porch, for dinner every night as they poison themselves with cigarettes for hours on end. I, too, will develop lung problems, and possibly even cancer. Yay.
I don't want to be a part of the world they live in. It's disguisting. People like my parents are everywhere. They go around and preach about the importance of a good education, a stable job, and good work ethics around the house. Fuck it. I see how they suffer every day, and then wonder why their lives are so miserable. Once in a while, I'll get caught up in it, too. I'll fall into a depression, as I have recently. The crap of their world will seep into me and infect me with it's VD. I fucking hate. I'm not going goth here or anything. I just don't want my life to turn into theirs.
A good job is important, yes, but only if you enjoy what you're doing. I will never work for somebody else's dream, and I will never over-work myself just to accomplish a task that somebody else wants done for them. I will work for myself, at my own pace, at a place where I choose to work. Eating healthy is important, but what's the point if you never get to enjoy the good things in life. Veggies are nice, but I love bacon cheeseburgers, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying one once in a while. And, lastly, I will live as a fucking hermit if I want, in the mountains where no one will find me. It's not anyone else's business, and they can all kiss my ass.
So, I just had another fight with my mother. She's angry because I don't appreciate anything she ever does for me, blah blah blah. I listen to her shit all day about how I'm unhealthy and overweight. I listen to her shit about how all Manda and I do is stay in our rooms all day and never come out. I even have to put up with her shit when she tells me what I should study in school, what I should do with my career, etc. I think it's fair to be able to tell her to shut up once in a while. This morning, she practically forced Manda to eat breakfast, even though Manda doesn't eat in the morning. It was even worse that she made her a meaty sandwich, which is a big no-no for Manda in the morning. Then, she tells me that if I won't call Fourouz about my depression, since I'm feeling better, I should call her and ask her about eating healthier. She does this to me EVERY DAY. I listen to her rants about healthy eating EVERY DAY. She's not exactly slim, either. Besides, lets review what my life is like. I work 30 hours a week doing computer tech work, which is pretty tiring, especially since I've been really swamped with work lately. I'm also studying new programming languages and trying to start a company. I'm 5'11" and I weigh 200 pounds. Ok, yes, that's a bit much, but it's not bad by any means. After all the work I do, I want to be able to just sit in my room and chill, especially since I'm constantly annoyed by my parents when I go out into the kitchen. I'm a computer science major which is, even with current problems, a very well-paid field. Eventually, I'll probably study Religions and Philosophy and teach that. 4-year university professors get paid well also, so I don't see much of a problem with it. Not only that, but I'm getting a PhD, which is something that neither her or my dad have done (they both have Master's degrees). So is that really that bad? I'm not anti-social by any means, and enjoy the company of people I can get along with. I'm not fat at all, and I've been eating healthier for the past 3 days, and drinking 10 glasses of water a day. I work at a very well-paid job for an 18 year old, and when I get promoted in October, I'll be making only a tiny bit less than my mom gets paid now (and she's 45). Yes, I am on vacation from school right now, but I assure you, I'll be very busy once fall comes around.
Now, let's take a look at what I get if I live the way my mom wants me to live:
- I'll never be able to enjoy food, since I'll be eating tasteless fruits and veggies for the rest of my life. Also, you have to remember that my mom eats more crap than I do on a regular basis. Apparently, dairy is bad for you now, too. No more milk, she says. I've been drinking milk almost every day for my entire life, and I think I'm doing ok.
- I'll work at a meaningless job for the rest of my life where no one will ever notice me. The upside, at least according to my mother, is that I'll always have a stable income. Woo-fucking-hoo.
- I'll sit out there with my family, on the back porch, for dinner every night as they poison themselves with cigarettes for hours on end. I, too, will develop lung problems, and possibly even cancer. Yay.
I don't want to be a part of the world they live in. It's disguisting. People like my parents are everywhere. They go around and preach about the importance of a good education, a stable job, and good work ethics around the house. Fuck it. I see how they suffer every day, and then wonder why their lives are so miserable. Once in a while, I'll get caught up in it, too. I'll fall into a depression, as I have recently. The crap of their world will seep into me and infect me with it's VD. I fucking hate. I'm not going goth here or anything. I just don't want my life to turn into theirs.
A good job is important, yes, but only if you enjoy what you're doing. I will never work for somebody else's dream, and I will never over-work myself just to accomplish a task that somebody else wants done for them. I will work for myself, at my own pace, at a place where I choose to work. Eating healthy is important, but what's the point if you never get to enjoy the good things in life. Veggies are nice, but I love bacon cheeseburgers, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying one once in a while. And, lastly, I will live as a fucking hermit if I want, in the mountains where no one will find me. It's not anyone else's business, and they can all kiss my ass.