(no subject)
I wish he could still peddle to work.
His energy his charm.
Not a day you couldnt feel his aura
being swept over you with grace.
Eyes showing no harm.
No label could suffice
not father, not afi, not grandfather, not man.
Naturually omnipotent
is all that could classify.
A beatified soul as stands
Now all i can see is your struggle.
gasping for breath.
The harshest agony observed
Is the suffering of this man.
Too soon what is eternity, is death.
i just wish he could breathe.
For a moment or two more.
Wish i could hemorage my energy,
transmit, and see him gentrify.
All i can see now, is his sapient core.
I just wish he could breathe.
Afi is really sick. He walked down to the landing which is only about 8 steps and to the car, and when he got into the car he was so out of breathe. If i had to compare it, it would be as if i was running 5 miles at full speed then sprinted the last quarter mile and at the finish just stopped.. that huffing and puffing i would be doing, thats what he was doing.
You can tell it scares him cuz he struggles for breathe at so many times in the day. Whipping out the inhaler in hopes that one more breathe can be made easier.
This is by far one of the hardest things i could witness. Im used to him being the contemplative afi, sitting on his chair with one knee up to rest his arm on, while he strokes his adams apple as hes thinking, and the other foot scrunched underneath him. He rode his bike to work for 40 years! fucking 40 years!!!! when i was young he would try to be funny and skip down the street with him.
He is more of a father figure than my father could ever have been. He has given me more advice and quality input on life, and supported me through anything.
I would not be the thinking person i am today if it werent for him. Hes the one that taught me how to be a real icelander.
Hes the one that has shown me how to fish and camp and play in the dirt and climb rocks and love the ocean and appreciate nature and going on drives.
i cant imagine life when hes gone. i cant imagine how he is now. its been 3 years or so and i still cant get over the shock of one day him going at full speed ahead as usual and then the next just barely able to make 10 feet without pulling out the chemicals.
If ever i have made a dramatized ploy of the worst day of my life, i know take it back and can honestly say that i know the worst day of my life will be when he leaves it.
Everything ive learned, everything more i need to know, i rely on him to teach me. how will i ever be able to fix and bathroom, washroom, flooded basement, know everything that could go wrong with a car, make the most magnificent pieces of art and furniture from metal and wood, build an irrigation system around our house, rototile the lawn, build my grandaughter her own huge room while makeing it all look flushingly easy.
Maybe its the feminine in me coming out, but lately i get all stupid weepy eyes about it. THis man is by far my mentor and my savior, the one person i look up to, to know everything. I tell people i dont beleive in god, and finally i realize i never had to because Afi is all i needed to have faith in.
i suppose if anyone could relate it would be someone who is loosing or had lost a parent, because to me that is what my afi and amma are, they raised me just as much as my mother, they were here so many months of the year and i spent so much time in iceland that i could not even think to deny them of the title of gaurdians.
This is worse than a heartbreak.
This is a knawing constant heartache with tears of agony.
I just wish he could breathe.
His energy his charm.
Not a day you couldnt feel his aura
being swept over you with grace.
Eyes showing no harm.
No label could suffice
not father, not afi, not grandfather, not man.
Naturually omnipotent
is all that could classify.
A beatified soul as stands
Now all i can see is your struggle.
gasping for breath.
The harshest agony observed
Is the suffering of this man.
Too soon what is eternity, is death.
i just wish he could breathe.
For a moment or two more.
Wish i could hemorage my energy,
transmit, and see him gentrify.
All i can see now, is his sapient core.
I just wish he could breathe.
Afi is really sick. He walked down to the landing which is only about 8 steps and to the car, and when he got into the car he was so out of breathe. If i had to compare it, it would be as if i was running 5 miles at full speed then sprinted the last quarter mile and at the finish just stopped.. that huffing and puffing i would be doing, thats what he was doing.
You can tell it scares him cuz he struggles for breathe at so many times in the day. Whipping out the inhaler in hopes that one more breathe can be made easier.
This is by far one of the hardest things i could witness. Im used to him being the contemplative afi, sitting on his chair with one knee up to rest his arm on, while he strokes his adams apple as hes thinking, and the other foot scrunched underneath him. He rode his bike to work for 40 years! fucking 40 years!!!! when i was young he would try to be funny and skip down the street with him.
He is more of a father figure than my father could ever have been. He has given me more advice and quality input on life, and supported me through anything.
I would not be the thinking person i am today if it werent for him. Hes the one that taught me how to be a real icelander.
Hes the one that has shown me how to fish and camp and play in the dirt and climb rocks and love the ocean and appreciate nature and going on drives.
i cant imagine life when hes gone. i cant imagine how he is now. its been 3 years or so and i still cant get over the shock of one day him going at full speed ahead as usual and then the next just barely able to make 10 feet without pulling out the chemicals.
If ever i have made a dramatized ploy of the worst day of my life, i know take it back and can honestly say that i know the worst day of my life will be when he leaves it.
Everything ive learned, everything more i need to know, i rely on him to teach me. how will i ever be able to fix and bathroom, washroom, flooded basement, know everything that could go wrong with a car, make the most magnificent pieces of art and furniture from metal and wood, build an irrigation system around our house, rototile the lawn, build my grandaughter her own huge room while makeing it all look flushingly easy.
Maybe its the feminine in me coming out, but lately i get all stupid weepy eyes about it. THis man is by far my mentor and my savior, the one person i look up to, to know everything. I tell people i dont beleive in god, and finally i realize i never had to because Afi is all i needed to have faith in.
i suppose if anyone could relate it would be someone who is loosing or had lost a parent, because to me that is what my afi and amma are, they raised me just as much as my mother, they were here so many months of the year and i spent so much time in iceland that i could not even think to deny them of the title of gaurdians.
This is worse than a heartbreak.
This is a knawing constant heartache with tears of agony.
I just wish he could breathe.