I'v got my heavy heart to hold me down
I hope today marks the end of two weeks of emotional rollercoasting. School has been kicking my ass, which was partly my fault for taking on an extra course, thinking that I could manage studying 150%. I realized this week that I couldn't. Been in school doing group work or having lectures everyday, together with studying during my "freetime", has not done wonders for my stress and anxeity levels. And this was how the rest of the semster was going to look like. But accepting that fact was a little more difficult, and even if I know it doesn't matter if I drop it (since it was for fun) it still feels like I failed. Again. Mostly my logic is winning with the fact that I know it's for the best, instead of going on and possibly end up miserable and turning down old paths to deal with emotions.
Then this afternoon, a guy in class had a small lecture on his life journey. He's had not the best family situation, then turning into crime, alcohol, and drugs. He talked about his recovery and things he has had to go through psychologically, and struggles in discovering things about himself and why he did certain things. Some things that he said just hit a little too close to home. With family, how he felt when he was growing up and how he relates to himself. Emotions have been basically the same, but they way we dealt with them are very different. Still, I left the room shaking, ready to burts into tears at any moment. Now I feel drained. emotionally and physically. Tomorrow I'm sleeping in, and I'm not going to do anything school related.
arsenicjade 's love meme have been great. Lots of love straight back to you who thought of me. Defenitely a high point of my week.