(no subject)

[intoxakat]

i feel all fucked up lately
and i feel like i can't talk about it either
the people in my emediate vacinity i feel like i've bored to death with all my problems
or they have made me feel like i have to keep some distance there
and people beyond that i can't seem to find the effort to call or talk to
not that i expect people to come to my rescue or anything
i think part of why this is all so difficult is that it's me that i have to talk to
i feel like i can't even be completealy honest here either
i feel hurt by a few people lately .... and angry about it ... but i feel like theres no recourse for it
maybe that's part of why i feel so stuck
i keep wanting to fix the people who hurt me ... make them understand why ... but it doesn't seem to work ...
cuz it's not my place
i keep wanting to fix all my friends who are hurting themselves .... but again i can't ... it's not my place
i'm scared of the changes on the horizon .... but i need them so badley
i don't know where to funnel all this bad energy into
i just wanna throw up .... like a big black puddle of everything that is bothering me or that i'm scared of or that has hurt me