please don't love
Please don't love
Jaejoong/Yoochun
1131 words
And so they continue to listen to the orchestra of the thunder crashing and the clouds exploding above them.
please don't love
please don't love, separation will be quick to follow
it hurts so much i can't even breathe
- please don't love (f.t island)
Jaejoong looks heartbreakingly beautiful, Yoochun finds.
The rain makes its way down Jaejoong's wine-red coloured hair, slipping past his too-long eyelashes and settles on his lips. Yoochun resists the urge to touch Jaejoong's pale cheek, fisting his hands at his side and tilting his head so the rain doesn't blind him too much.
Jaejoong is silent as he stands in front of his house, his white shirt transparent with rainwater. He shivers slightly when a breeze touches his wet body, lips parting slightly, but makes no sound at all.
Yoochun wonders. He wonders how long it will take for Jaejoong to form the words sorry and goodbye. He wonders when it had started, when Jaejoong had slowly started giving bits and pieces of his thoughts and dreams and heart to someone else. He wonders how long, if ever, it will take to forget this boy who has haunted his mind for more than five years. How long it will take until the first word that comes to him when he wakes up in the morning, eyelashes fluttering as he struggles to gain consciousness, is not Jaejoong.
"Yoochun," Jaejoong begins. He pauses, and for a moment, he looks so lost and scared and helpless that Yoochun wants to reach out and pull him into a hug. But then Yoochun realises that this it, this is the end, and he knows that contact with Jaejoong will make it even harder to let go.
Jaejoong is the older one, but he has always been more childish, Yoochun thinks. He likes to sing Happy Birthday in the shower. He says the first thing that comes to his head. He laughs when he's happy, cries when he's sad. He trips over the air. He has the most beautiful eyes Yoochun has ever seen. He kisses anyone in his reach when he's drunk, and forgets everything the next morning. He talks and steals your blanket when he's asleep and somehow manages to constantly fling his pillows off the bed. His smile, his hands, his lips, his -
"There's someone else, isn't there." It's a statement, not a question, and Yoochun wonders why, even now, he still cares so much about Jaejoong.
Jaejoong's eyes flicker, but he doesn't bother to deny it. Why argue back? Yoochun knows and Jaejoong knows that he knows, and so they continue to listen to the orchestra of the thunder crashing and the clouds exploding above them.
"I," Jaejoong starts again. He worries his lip as he ponders which method he should choose to break Yoochun's heart, but Yoochun knows that no matter what he picks, it will still hurt.
"It's Yunho, right?"
Yoochun's known it for weeks, maybe even months, that this dark-haired boy with the easygoing smile would steal Jaejoong's heart. He's heard about it from everyone: at lunch from Changmin ("Hey hyung, did you hear about Jaejoong-hyung's new best friend? He's called Jung Yunho, I think. They're in all the same classes, and Sungmin told me the other day that Yunho held Jaejoong-hyung's hand when hyung was freaking out over dissecting a frog and -"); at math class from Seunghyun ("You should keep an eye on your boyfriend, you know. He and that Yunho have been pretty close these past few weeks, and that Yunho guy is actually not bad, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Jiyong, didn't you see Jaejoong and Yunho just now? How close were they? Like -"); in the library with Junsu ("Where's Jaejoong-hyung? Not with Yunho again? Yunho's practically his shadow now, but I don't think hyung really minds, does he? I mean, they look pretty happy together! Actually, they kind of look cute when they're laughing together. No wait, I didn't mean it that way, I just -"); from Hyunjoong ("Yoochun? I guess you've been hearing about this from everyone, but yeah. I think you should have a talk with Jaejoong. The two of you have been avoiding this topic for so long, and it's unfair to all three of you. You guys have got to make a decision. I know it hurts, I bet it hurts, but -")
Jaejoong seals his eyelids shut with rainwater, then jerks his head downwards, then up again.
Yoochun had been expecting the pain to come like a blow, but it wasn't really like that. In reality, pain unfurls in your heart, spreads throughout like perfume, until even the air around youis laced with things that make it hard to breathe - inhale, exhale, Yoochun, you can do this -, and all you want is to crumple to the ground with your hands clamped over your ears and your eyes shut tight as can be and wait for the world to move on without you.
"Yoochun, listen to me." Jaejoong's voice trembles, and it is this voice that allows Yoochun to cling on to the world, that keeps Yoochun alive, because it belongs to the only person that matters. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I swear I am. I didn't want it to end up this way, but, but I think I love Yunho. I think I really do."
Stop it, Yoochun wants to yell, but the words clog in his throat and can't make their way out of his mouth. And so he listens, listens to the love song of Jaejoong's voice, of Jaejoong saying the words that are making his heart ache with a dull sort of pain.
"I loved you, Yoochun." Jaejoong's voice cracks as he says Yoochun's name. Yoochun can't help but slip his eyes shut at the use of past tense (but I love you, I still do, I'll never ever stop).
Yoochun lets a small smile ghost across his lips. "Okay," he says. "Okay."
There are so many things Yoochun wants to say that are fighting their way out of his heart, but he locks the passageways, afraid to let loose the things that will hurt Jaejoong (oh, oh, only for you). And so Yoochun stays silent, and watches a flicker of relief bloom on Jaejoong's face.
Yoochun remembers times when Jaejoong had clutched tight onto his hand, remembers Jaejoong saying "Be careful, don't fall, don't break". Remembers Jaejoong telling Junsu how fragile Yoochun is, how easily Yoochun can shatter apart, breaking into fragments.
And then he looks at Jaejoong now, Jaejoong tearing him apart with every inch of his relieved smile, with every spark of light in his star-like eyes that spells love in so many ways (this love that is not meant for Park Yoochun anymore).
Yoochun wonders if the hole in his heart will get bigger day by day, until all his love will tumble out into Jaejoong's waiting hands.
Jaejoong/Yoochun
1131 words
And so they continue to listen to the orchestra of the thunder crashing and the clouds exploding above them.
please don't love
please don't love, separation will be quick to follow
it hurts so much i can't even breathe
- please don't love (f.t island)
Jaejoong looks heartbreakingly beautiful, Yoochun finds.
The rain makes its way down Jaejoong's wine-red coloured hair, slipping past his too-long eyelashes and settles on his lips. Yoochun resists the urge to touch Jaejoong's pale cheek, fisting his hands at his side and tilting his head so the rain doesn't blind him too much.
Jaejoong is silent as he stands in front of his house, his white shirt transparent with rainwater. He shivers slightly when a breeze touches his wet body, lips parting slightly, but makes no sound at all.
Yoochun wonders. He wonders how long it will take for Jaejoong to form the words sorry and goodbye. He wonders when it had started, when Jaejoong had slowly started giving bits and pieces of his thoughts and dreams and heart to someone else. He wonders how long, if ever, it will take to forget this boy who has haunted his mind for more than five years. How long it will take until the first word that comes to him when he wakes up in the morning, eyelashes fluttering as he struggles to gain consciousness, is not Jaejoong.
"Yoochun," Jaejoong begins. He pauses, and for a moment, he looks so lost and scared and helpless that Yoochun wants to reach out and pull him into a hug. But then Yoochun realises that this it, this is the end, and he knows that contact with Jaejoong will make it even harder to let go.
Jaejoong is the older one, but he has always been more childish, Yoochun thinks. He likes to sing Happy Birthday in the shower. He says the first thing that comes to his head. He laughs when he's happy, cries when he's sad. He trips over the air. He has the most beautiful eyes Yoochun has ever seen. He kisses anyone in his reach when he's drunk, and forgets everything the next morning. He talks and steals your blanket when he's asleep and somehow manages to constantly fling his pillows off the bed. His smile, his hands, his lips, his -
"There's someone else, isn't there." It's a statement, not a question, and Yoochun wonders why, even now, he still cares so much about Jaejoong.
Jaejoong's eyes flicker, but he doesn't bother to deny it. Why argue back? Yoochun knows and Jaejoong knows that he knows, and so they continue to listen to the orchestra of the thunder crashing and the clouds exploding above them.
"I," Jaejoong starts again. He worries his lip as he ponders which method he should choose to break Yoochun's heart, but Yoochun knows that no matter what he picks, it will still hurt.
"It's Yunho, right?"
Yoochun's known it for weeks, maybe even months, that this dark-haired boy with the easygoing smile would steal Jaejoong's heart. He's heard about it from everyone: at lunch from Changmin ("Hey hyung, did you hear about Jaejoong-hyung's new best friend? He's called Jung Yunho, I think. They're in all the same classes, and Sungmin told me the other day that Yunho held Jaejoong-hyung's hand when hyung was freaking out over dissecting a frog and -"); at math class from Seunghyun ("You should keep an eye on your boyfriend, you know. He and that Yunho have been pretty close these past few weeks, and that Yunho guy is actually not bad, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Jiyong, didn't you see Jaejoong and Yunho just now? How close were they? Like -"); in the library with Junsu ("Where's Jaejoong-hyung? Not with Yunho again? Yunho's practically his shadow now, but I don't think hyung really minds, does he? I mean, they look pretty happy together! Actually, they kind of look cute when they're laughing together. No wait, I didn't mean it that way, I just -"); from Hyunjoong ("Yoochun? I guess you've been hearing about this from everyone, but yeah. I think you should have a talk with Jaejoong. The two of you have been avoiding this topic for so long, and it's unfair to all three of you. You guys have got to make a decision. I know it hurts, I bet it hurts, but -")
Jaejoong seals his eyelids shut with rainwater, then jerks his head downwards, then up again.
Yoochun had been expecting the pain to come like a blow, but it wasn't really like that. In reality, pain unfurls in your heart, spreads throughout like perfume, until even the air around youis laced with things that make it hard to breathe - inhale, exhale, Yoochun, you can do this -, and all you want is to crumple to the ground with your hands clamped over your ears and your eyes shut tight as can be and wait for the world to move on without you.
"Yoochun, listen to me." Jaejoong's voice trembles, and it is this voice that allows Yoochun to cling on to the world, that keeps Yoochun alive, because it belongs to the only person that matters. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I swear I am. I didn't want it to end up this way, but, but I think I love Yunho. I think I really do."
Stop it, Yoochun wants to yell, but the words clog in his throat and can't make their way out of his mouth. And so he listens, listens to the love song of Jaejoong's voice, of Jaejoong saying the words that are making his heart ache with a dull sort of pain.
"I loved you, Yoochun." Jaejoong's voice cracks as he says Yoochun's name. Yoochun can't help but slip his eyes shut at the use of past tense (but I love you, I still do, I'll never ever stop).
Yoochun lets a small smile ghost across his lips. "Okay," he says. "Okay."
There are so many things Yoochun wants to say that are fighting their way out of his heart, but he locks the passageways, afraid to let loose the things that will hurt Jaejoong (oh, oh, only for you). And so Yoochun stays silent, and watches a flicker of relief bloom on Jaejoong's face.
Yoochun remembers times when Jaejoong had clutched tight onto his hand, remembers Jaejoong saying "Be careful, don't fall, don't break". Remembers Jaejoong telling Junsu how fragile Yoochun is, how easily Yoochun can shatter apart, breaking into fragments.
And then he looks at Jaejoong now, Jaejoong tearing him apart with every inch of his relieved smile, with every spark of light in his star-like eyes that spells love in so many ways (this love that is not meant for Park Yoochun anymore).
Yoochun wonders if the hole in his heart will get bigger day by day, until all his love will tumble out into Jaejoong's waiting hands.