INTJs and Social rituals

[michalyn]

This has probably been asked many times before but do other INTJs feel like they don't grasp the meaning behind social rituals? I don't mean in the sense of being polite or having good manners but I find myself often feeling puzzled by small talk or just being aware that there is an expectation of a certain kind of interaction on the other end but

Comments

need to step back..

[tricstmr]

1.. I don't "understand" social rituals in the sense of grokking them and feeling that they are what I would, given the chance, to choose to do with my resources and time. however, I do understand that not everyone is like me and others do find social rituals to be useful for a variety of reasons. For some, it actually simplifies an emotionally laden social activities by easing themselves into it. For others--it's a game.. and games are fun, so they enjoy them. While not my choice for games.. I understand theoretically how some people therefore enjoy social rituals.

2. as for people injecting "more complexity into romantic relationships than necessary than necessary".. that's an interesting thought. I agree with you that the whole "dating process" seems very artificial to me.. (I've never actually "dated" someone. I usually met them, we hit it off, then we went out again and were then going out. ) .. but something about that "necessary" sounds warning bells in my head.. To make such judgments about a subject like "romance" can be dangerous... because it all depends on your value system.... INTJ's tend to be fairly utilitarian in our value systems (although not always.. ) and so I can see how you could come to such an evaluation.. but I would say that many other people might find such a judgement to be extemely weird.. in that they wouldn't begin to think about approaching "romance" from such a perspective... why should romantic activities be judged on their "necessity"--they should be judged on their enjoyment factor... and what people enjoy is quite different (especially across types..)

3. Be yourself. Don't try to be like your friend. Be open to how others may choose to interact.. but do what feels comfortable for you. Of course, this may seem to "delay" your relationships.. or make them harder to find/start... (I didn't have a serious relationship that lasted longer than a year until sopohomore year in college).. but it will, in my experience, lead to stronger and more serious relationships in the long run.

4. In any case.. you seem quite aware of everything.. so I'm sure you will figure it all out.. :)