INTJs and Social rituals
This has probably been asked many times before but do other INTJs feel like they don't grasp the meaning behind social rituals? I don't mean in the sense of being polite or having good manners but I find myself often feeling puzzled by small talk or just being aware that there is an expectation of a certain kind of interaction on the other end but
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Some people probably have more need for some type of interaction and dislike going without it. It'd be more natural for them just to start talking to fulfill their desire. ...Granted, I think it's fairly natural for most human beings to seek out social interaction, even if the levels of interaction needed or desired vary widely.
Other times it's to make some sort of connection, if only temporary and somewhat superficial. For example, when I go shopping, I often go by myself. When trying on clothes and whatnot, that usually means I must interact with a sales associate. Since I shop mostly in the mornings, I mostly am there with a single sales associate. It can be fine and dandy to talk to her about whatever it is I'm trying on, or something strictly related to the store or business, but that makes these shopping sessions rather bland and boring to me. So, what do I do with my limited resources there? I talk to the sales associate. Doesn't matter what it's about. Just something to make our time stuck together a bit more bearable.
I like boundaries, too, but I find that, in the beginnings of many relationships, boundaries aren't often very clear. I don't know that one can do anything else except try to go along, see where it might be heading, and then modify one's behavior from that.
I think the only way you can deal with it is by trying to do what you're uncomfortable with doing. You're never going to be comfortable with it or good at it unless you practice it. It might be daunting at first, and you'll probably mess up quite a few times, but that happens with everyone. One learns.
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Seriously, I love that on a thread concerning social ineptitude, two of us posted with Metalocalypse icons.
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I used to be quitemercurial, and I know once upon a time I had Hellsing icons. I remember your Alucard one. (Wow. I swear I have a life. I just have a very good memory.)
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As for this here Alucard icon, I'll never get rid of it. If you look closely, you can see that he's saying, "The reason the English are on the decline...is because they are like that." My husband is English--he spent the first half of his life in Newbury before moving to the States. He and I met through a mutual friend and former boyfriend of mine, who cautioned me that "the sun never sets on the British Empire, because God doesn't trust the Brits in the dark." Initially the icon was an homage to our friend's poor assessment of my husband's chances of getting a date with me.
To keep this post somewhat on topic for the original thread, I never really dated my husband so much as I just started spending most of my free time with him. Once we met, it seemed as though we had known one another for years. Creepy.
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Ooh, so that's what it's said. I've been trying to figure that out ever since I laid eyes on it.
Interesting. I'm only reminded-thanks to the concert talk-of speaking with the girl next to me. I originally was worried because I fear appearing socially inept, but I went for it as we had something in common: an industrial piercing. Hers was in her left ear, while mine was in the right, and this was something I wanted to note, for whatever reason. From then on, we'd make comments to one another every now and then. It at least made the concert that more enjoyable. Even though I was already there with a friend, it was pleasant to have an extra companion, so to speak.
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I've been contemplating a similar set of piercings in the right side of my nose for quite some time now. The great thing about piercings is the flexibility to wear or not wear jewelry on a given day, so while I've never yet gone without any of my earrings or my navel ring, I might want that flexibility with a facial piercing. I'm a grad student right now, about halfway through my MPH, but my next goals are to get a DrPH and work as a hospital administrator. While I'd love to live in a world where people don't feel uncomfortable with others because of differences in appearance, realistically, I know that some folks find facial piercings distracting. I'm perpetually torn between my desire to be an innovator and challenge conventions, and my desire to make sure that the care providers and patients I work with in the future won't feel uncomfortable talking with me face-to-face.
I think my perspective on this may also be skewed because my husband doesn't like my piercings. As I've told him, while I respect his opinions in all matters, he and I have no right to dictate what the other should do with his/her own body. I certainly wouldn't see him differently if he decided he wanted a bunch of tattoos or a six-inch green mohawk hairdo, so I feel that he shouldn't fixate to excess on my piercings, or attempt to dissuade me from getting more should I decide that I wish to in the future.
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