Type Interactions #6: INTJ-ESTJ [archived]
While it is wonderful to sit around and discuss how amazing we INTJs are, there are other types in the world and we generally have to deal with them more than with fellow INTJs. As a result I will be making weekly posts about how INTJs interact with others to get feedback on the experiences we INTJs have had with other types and how we've learned to deal with them successfully. I'll be posting this series every Monday featuring a new quasi-randomly-selected personality type.
Type Interactions #6: INTJ-ESTJ
I have been good friends with two ESTJs... one male (guessed type) and one female (tested). They both have very solid ideas of how people should act. They will disapprove of people who don't follow the way things should be and they will try to guide them along the correct path. In their youth both were a bit wild and had run-ins with violence, authority, and the law. Both have become more conventional (not more conservative) as they have aged. Both are excellent hosts who will put themselves out in order to deliver what they consider to be the appropriate social experience. They put a lot into this. They are both details people. They both have strong gender role expectations (she can get a serious case of the stupid around men because that is how she thinks she should act). Both will protect those they love and respect from things that might hurt them by hiding them from them. This often makes things worse but they both seem to think that it is their place to suffer in place of thier loved one. Image matters. Both can be conflict avoidant even though they proclaim their forewardness. The conflicts they avoid are ususally due to status, power, protection, or authority conflicts. It may take a long time for them to trust you enough to reveal things to you that they "shouldn't".
In areas where they are knowledgeable their judgement is very good. They are predictable so that makes them easy to deal with once you learn thier "shoulds". They have problems understanding why anyone would want to discuss abstract concepts but when they can see a concrete outcome they become willing to listen. Like us INTJs they value things that work but they base that on what worked in the past rather than what might work in the future. (ie He thought I analysed too much until he saw that it actually helped me.)
They will want to change you if you don't conform to thier "shoulds". (Although things that are outside your control to change they will not try to fix.) The surest way I've found for dealing with this isn't explaining... it's succeeding. They do not argue with success. They respect success. They are not so rigid that they can't or won't change. Rather they don't see the point unless it can be shown that changing is necessary and will lead to success.
I get along better with ESTJs than with most NFs but the conversation isn't always as good.
What are your experiences with ESTJs? Personal? Work?
How can INTJs deal effectively with ESTJs?
What are the problem areas between INTJs and ESTJs?
What makes INTJ-ESTJ interactions/relationships worth while?
Type Interactions #1: INTJ-ISTP
Type Interactions #2: INTJ-ENFP
Type Interactions #3: INTJ-ISFJ
Type Interactions #4: INTJ-INFP
Type Interactions #5: INTJ-INTP
Type Interactions #6: INTJ-ESTJ
I have been good friends with two ESTJs... one male (guessed type) and one female (tested). They both have very solid ideas of how people should act. They will disapprove of people who don't follow the way things should be and they will try to guide them along the correct path. In their youth both were a bit wild and had run-ins with violence, authority, and the law. Both have become more conventional (not more conservative) as they have aged. Both are excellent hosts who will put themselves out in order to deliver what they consider to be the appropriate social experience. They put a lot into this. They are both details people. They both have strong gender role expectations (she can get a serious case of the stupid around men because that is how she thinks she should act). Both will protect those they love and respect from things that might hurt them by hiding them from them. This often makes things worse but they both seem to think that it is their place to suffer in place of thier loved one. Image matters. Both can be conflict avoidant even though they proclaim their forewardness. The conflicts they avoid are ususally due to status, power, protection, or authority conflicts. It may take a long time for them to trust you enough to reveal things to you that they "shouldn't".
In areas where they are knowledgeable their judgement is very good. They are predictable so that makes them easy to deal with once you learn thier "shoulds". They have problems understanding why anyone would want to discuss abstract concepts but when they can see a concrete outcome they become willing to listen. Like us INTJs they value things that work but they base that on what worked in the past rather than what might work in the future. (ie He thought I analysed too much until he saw that it actually helped me.)
They will want to change you if you don't conform to thier "shoulds". (Although things that are outside your control to change they will not try to fix.) The surest way I've found for dealing with this isn't explaining... it's succeeding. They do not argue with success. They respect success. They are not so rigid that they can't or won't change. Rather they don't see the point unless it can be shown that changing is necessary and will lead to success.
I get along better with ESTJs than with most NFs but the conversation isn't always as good.
What are your experiences with ESTJs? Personal? Work?
How can INTJs deal effectively with ESTJs?
What are the problem areas between INTJs and ESTJs?
What makes INTJ-ESTJ interactions/relationships worth while?
Type Interactions #1: INTJ-ISTP
Type Interactions #2: INTJ-ENFP
Type Interactions #3: INTJ-ISFJ
Type Interactions #4: INTJ-INFP
Type Interactions #5: INTJ-INTP