(no subject)
Literally 10 days later and now I have no idea what I'm suppose to do.
Why does life have to be so fucking awful right now????????
Ryan and I were doing so much better and then he went and either deactivated his Instagram or deleted it last night, his Facebook has been deactivated for the past few months with the exception of him returning for a week recently and he NEVER answers my calls or responds to any of my text messages anymore.
I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on but I'm at a loss.
It's almost like he's trying to avoid somebody.
At this point, I'm giving him a month and then will yet again, be deciding on whether I just make the trip or cancel it.
I have decided if I cancel it, I'm done and not giving him another chance.
I'll be deleting him from everything and if he tries to reach out to me, will ensure that I do not respond and block him if I have to.
I did a little bit of stalking and went back through some of his old Facebook posts from years ago.
He seems to have dealt with some forms of depression, how extreme I'm not sure but a few of the things he posted brought up some red flags.
Honestly, he's been nothing but awesome until now and that's what drives me the craziest.
Every time I decide to be on board with somebody, they freaking do a 180 and I'm left with nothing.
This curse is a living nightmare.
I have no clue how I'm suppose to break it or what the hell I'm even suppose to do.
I'm also heading in the direction of just not giving a shit and giving up on people.
All I want is to find my person so I can finally be happy, settle down, start a family and enjoy the second part of my life since the first part has been so unbearable.
I still don't want to give up on Ryan but he is making it SO hard to hang on.
The way he talks to me, no other guy has ever spoken to me this way before.
I just don't want to give up so easily on something that could be everything but I also don't want to make a fool out of myself either.
Taking risks is turning out to not be as fun as it use to be.
I really have Chad to thank for that. -_- He's the asshole that started this downhill spin.
.sighs.
On top of all this drama, Cheyanne came back to work with us.
Pretty sure I haven't mentioned this yet as this was her first week back.
THEN, to make matters worse, her and Nick moved in down the street from where we live.
We're fine but as far as us being friends otherwise, not gonna happen.
I'm not going out of my way for her anymore.
The majority of the people in my life just aren't that important to me.
Josh and Toni's wedding last weekend was pretty laid back and chill.
The backyard looked really good with all the lights and the tables.
The centerpieces were gorgeous.
Definitely happy for them, excited that my best friend found his other half.
Officially done with weddings for this year and as of right now, I only have Crystal's next year.
Fingers crossed it stays that way because I have to be honest, I cannot handle anymore fucking weddings.
UGH.
One of these days I'll finally have happy to post about.
< / 3.
Why does life have to be so fucking awful right now????????
Ryan and I were doing so much better and then he went and either deactivated his Instagram or deleted it last night, his Facebook has been deactivated for the past few months with the exception of him returning for a week recently and he NEVER answers my calls or responds to any of my text messages anymore.
I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on but I'm at a loss.
It's almost like he's trying to avoid somebody.
At this point, I'm giving him a month and then will yet again, be deciding on whether I just make the trip or cancel it.
I have decided if I cancel it, I'm done and not giving him another chance.
I'll be deleting him from everything and if he tries to reach out to me, will ensure that I do not respond and block him if I have to.
I did a little bit of stalking and went back through some of his old Facebook posts from years ago.
He seems to have dealt with some forms of depression, how extreme I'm not sure but a few of the things he posted brought up some red flags.
Honestly, he's been nothing but awesome until now and that's what drives me the craziest.
Every time I decide to be on board with somebody, they freaking do a 180 and I'm left with nothing.
This curse is a living nightmare.
I have no clue how I'm suppose to break it or what the hell I'm even suppose to do.
I'm also heading in the direction of just not giving a shit and giving up on people.
All I want is to find my person so I can finally be happy, settle down, start a family and enjoy the second part of my life since the first part has been so unbearable.
I still don't want to give up on Ryan but he is making it SO hard to hang on.
The way he talks to me, no other guy has ever spoken to me this way before.
I just don't want to give up so easily on something that could be everything but I also don't want to make a fool out of myself either.
Taking risks is turning out to not be as fun as it use to be.
I really have Chad to thank for that. -_- He's the asshole that started this downhill spin.
.sighs.
On top of all this drama, Cheyanne came back to work with us.
Pretty sure I haven't mentioned this yet as this was her first week back.
THEN, to make matters worse, her and Nick moved in down the street from where we live.
We're fine but as far as us being friends otherwise, not gonna happen.
I'm not going out of my way for her anymore.
The majority of the people in my life just aren't that important to me.
Josh and Toni's wedding last weekend was pretty laid back and chill.
The backyard looked really good with all the lights and the tables.
The centerpieces were gorgeous.
Definitely happy for them, excited that my best friend found his other half.
Officially done with weddings for this year and as of right now, I only have Crystal's next year.
Fingers crossed it stays that way because I have to be honest, I cannot handle anymore fucking weddings.
UGH.
One of these days I'll finally have happy to post about.
< / 3.