When all is said and done....
This is the beginning of a new year. However, with every rebirth must come death. Thought have plagued my mind since the turn of the clock on the new year. What will become of me? This year brings my 18th birthday, high school graduation, and the advancement into a new stage of my life: college. So, I am obviously coming to the death of my high school life, and I am scared. Have I really enjoyed these precioius years? I don't think so. When I get wherever I'm gonna be, I will meet new people. I will enjoy the friendships that I have with these people. Where am I gonna be without all of the friendships that I made these past 17 (soon to be 18) years. Honestly, when all things are said and done, I'll be lucky if I am truly friends with anyone I have met previously in my life. I hate having to think about that. I still have some promises that I have to fulfill, which gives me about 7 months. So many promises were left unfulfilled. The biggest thing I realize that I'm leaving behind is my dreams of falling in love. It's not going to happen, and that is so depressing. I am starting to realize that the distance that is starting to develop between me and my "friends" is that we are growing into different lives. I am growing out of the life of everyone, except for maybe a few people. Those few people don't want me in their lives for very long though, which is pretty sad. Fuck all of this. I think my most beneficial insight is what I just had while talking about suicide. Take a look:
checkoutmytail (1:00:23 AM): life isn't that horrible
checkoutmytail (1:00:33 AM): u still have it... so thats one thing to keep you going
checkoutmytail (1:01:42 AM): so ur gonna go into a non-existance
checkoutmytail (1:01:54 AM): i mean... whats the point of living if ur life is always right
checkoutmytail (1:02:15 AM): i mean yeah i have a fucked up life... but i wouldn't have it any other way
checkoutmytail (1:02:24 AM): y should i back down
checkoutmytail (1:02:37 AM): if God feels like he needs to screw me over... then fuck him... ill do it on my own
checkoutmytail (1:03:06 AM): but in the end... he will just be smiling with me at everything i learned from my experiences
checkoutmytail (1:03:15 AM): b/c he was never really gone
checkoutmytail (1:03:47 AM): u don't learn until u've lived through it
So here is my new insight...
FUCK YOU
if you ain't with me, you're against me
i quit drinking
i quit smoking
for some people out there
just people who are gonna leave me hanging with no hope for anything
so take this to heart
what point is there in getting close to anyone who is just gonna leave you in the end?
Peace Bitches
checkoutmytail (1:00:23 AM): life isn't that horrible
checkoutmytail (1:00:33 AM): u still have it... so thats one thing to keep you going
checkoutmytail (1:01:42 AM): so ur gonna go into a non-existance
checkoutmytail (1:01:54 AM): i mean... whats the point of living if ur life is always right
checkoutmytail (1:02:15 AM): i mean yeah i have a fucked up life... but i wouldn't have it any other way
checkoutmytail (1:02:24 AM): y should i back down
checkoutmytail (1:02:37 AM): if God feels like he needs to screw me over... then fuck him... ill do it on my own
checkoutmytail (1:03:06 AM): but in the end... he will just be smiling with me at everything i learned from my experiences
checkoutmytail (1:03:15 AM): b/c he was never really gone
checkoutmytail (1:03:47 AM): u don't learn until u've lived through it
So here is my new insight...
FUCK YOU
if you ain't with me, you're against me
i quit drinking
i quit smoking
for some people out there
just people who are gonna leave me hanging with no hope for anything
so take this to heart
what point is there in getting close to anyone who is just gonna leave you in the end?
Peace Bitches