wow!
I haven't 'upated' with anything coherent about the goings on in my life for so long, and at 3:51 a.m. eastern standard time, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Lindsay and I have almost all of our house packed up for moving tomorrow morning...every uhaul and budget truck rental was sold out because we waited until the last minute to try and make a reservation, so we had to get movers which is going to end up costing around 300 dollars, which totally sucks, however it's really nice we're not going to have to do a lick of heavy lifting up the three flights of stairs to our new apartment.
Our new place itself is wonderful. Very old and charming, the floors are all creaky and the crown molding is pretty, and our bedrooms have SKELETON KEYS, of which I haven't even been able to process the awesomeness. It's right in cambridge/somerville a 7 minute walk to the red line. The area is brimming with charming shops and pubs and venues and art galleries, definitely the best location I've been at since moving here 3 summers ago. Going on year 4 of living in Boston, and I couldn't be more pleased about it. The one thing that is trouble about our new home is that our 80 year old totally unreasonable landlady that lives with her 50 year old on live directly beneath us. She's literally batshit crazy and NEVER takes out her bright yellow plastic curlers from her mess of gray hair. Literally never. We've seen her morning noon and night, and they're always in. We tried to move our beautiful floral patterned couch up the stairs at 8 p.m. on a tuesday evening and she screamed at us, saying we can't have a couch and that it was way too late to be going up and down the stairs. After debating long and hard about whether or not we should try to get out of the lease because of how crazy she is, we decided we couldn't afford to lose all the money we put down and it would be a huge mess to back out, so we're going in tomorrow morning with our heads up, and I will not hesitate to smack the bitch. It's our god damned apartment and we will come and go as we please, end of discussion, old hag.
The last few months have been transforming and difficult. I had to take my last term of school off due to an unforseen hardship, but I start back the beginning of October. My Dad lost his job and the co-signer on my student loan lost his job (thanks, fucking terrible miserable economy!) so it's made financial aid nearly impossible, though I am figuring it out slowly. I quit my job at yet another coffee shop, which I convinced myself I'd sworn off, at the end of June, so I have been bumbling around selling things and living frugally as possible, sleeping lots, trying to calm down.
I've been forcing myself into reality about my motivation and my attitude and my thought patterns, ultimately the defeatism and anxiety and self-loathing has swelled up to an impossible peak, and made functioning so difficult. I've always thought manic-depressive episodes were a part of every person's human experience, and they are, except for when it becomes paralyzing. I am very alone in the world, like everyone. Nothing is sure, nothing is ever romantic as it seems. I feel like I've been tearing down walls and unscrewing myself from all the non-reality. Now it's just a matter of staying inspired to be a productive and realistic, beautiful person. I have got to find a way to be someone I can rely on.
Fortunately I do have the loving support of some good friends around, which I am constantly grateful for. After almost 9 months of dating I finally met my boyfriend's family last night, who are just the most charming wonderful people living in the most charming wonderful hundred year old east coast home. Kevin is a dream for me, and it's with ease when I say this is the only healthy relationship I've been in. I don't feel crazy or obsessed or needy, I feel great, and it truly is an addition to my life, which I have noticed is actually incredibly rare inside of typical male-female relationships. We're not sucking each other dry, we're building each other up. As time passes we are more excited about each other, not the opposite. I'm happy about it.
I'd like to start not letting the days mix together so easily. It seems the surest way to ruin your life is by letting a day pass to the next without it meaning a thing.
Lindsay and I have almost all of our house packed up for moving tomorrow morning...every uhaul and budget truck rental was sold out because we waited until the last minute to try and make a reservation, so we had to get movers which is going to end up costing around 300 dollars, which totally sucks, however it's really nice we're not going to have to do a lick of heavy lifting up the three flights of stairs to our new apartment.
Our new place itself is wonderful. Very old and charming, the floors are all creaky and the crown molding is pretty, and our bedrooms have SKELETON KEYS, of which I haven't even been able to process the awesomeness. It's right in cambridge/somerville a 7 minute walk to the red line. The area is brimming with charming shops and pubs and venues and art galleries, definitely the best location I've been at since moving here 3 summers ago. Going on year 4 of living in Boston, and I couldn't be more pleased about it. The one thing that is trouble about our new home is that our 80 year old totally unreasonable landlady that lives with her 50 year old on live directly beneath us. She's literally batshit crazy and NEVER takes out her bright yellow plastic curlers from her mess of gray hair. Literally never. We've seen her morning noon and night, and they're always in. We tried to move our beautiful floral patterned couch up the stairs at 8 p.m. on a tuesday evening and she screamed at us, saying we can't have a couch and that it was way too late to be going up and down the stairs. After debating long and hard about whether or not we should try to get out of the lease because of how crazy she is, we decided we couldn't afford to lose all the money we put down and it would be a huge mess to back out, so we're going in tomorrow morning with our heads up, and I will not hesitate to smack the bitch. It's our god damned apartment and we will come and go as we please, end of discussion, old hag.
The last few months have been transforming and difficult. I had to take my last term of school off due to an unforseen hardship, but I start back the beginning of October. My Dad lost his job and the co-signer on my student loan lost his job (thanks, fucking terrible miserable economy!) so it's made financial aid nearly impossible, though I am figuring it out slowly. I quit my job at yet another coffee shop, which I convinced myself I'd sworn off, at the end of June, so I have been bumbling around selling things and living frugally as possible, sleeping lots, trying to calm down.
I've been forcing myself into reality about my motivation and my attitude and my thought patterns, ultimately the defeatism and anxiety and self-loathing has swelled up to an impossible peak, and made functioning so difficult. I've always thought manic-depressive episodes were a part of every person's human experience, and they are, except for when it becomes paralyzing. I am very alone in the world, like everyone. Nothing is sure, nothing is ever romantic as it seems. I feel like I've been tearing down walls and unscrewing myself from all the non-reality. Now it's just a matter of staying inspired to be a productive and realistic, beautiful person. I have got to find a way to be someone I can rely on.
Fortunately I do have the loving support of some good friends around, which I am constantly grateful for. After almost 9 months of dating I finally met my boyfriend's family last night, who are just the most charming wonderful people living in the most charming wonderful hundred year old east coast home. Kevin is a dream for me, and it's with ease when I say this is the only healthy relationship I've been in. I don't feel crazy or obsessed or needy, I feel great, and it truly is an addition to my life, which I have noticed is actually incredibly rare inside of typical male-female relationships. We're not sucking each other dry, we're building each other up. As time passes we are more excited about each other, not the opposite. I'm happy about it.
I'd like to start not letting the days mix together so easily. It seems the surest way to ruin your life is by letting a day pass to the next without it meaning a thing.