On Ambien ramblings that suddenly reach down and yank something out of your belly.
DJ, protect me from my clothes! Find the shadow people, too! I think we should have a party with the three bottles of beer left in the fridge. DJ, you kinda look upside-down on my lap and you're not barking at our visitors. That's ok, they're Mexican puppets. Sebastian might like them, but Mom didn't bring him over today because it's just you and me since Jannette's in LA for the weekend and I can't keep an eye on you the whole time if they're here. I'd have to lock you up in my room from Sebastian's tail-pulling, and holding you up by your arms and then setting you down on your back. Poor DJ. I know you think she's a grown dog now, Sebastian, but she's not even a year old yet. You need to be more careful of her. Ok, I know a little empathy is too much to ask of you at this age, but just try to imagine how she feels, yes? Look, I understand you just graduated from Headstart and now they're skipping you through Kindergarten and putting you right into First Grade, and we all love you and we're all very proud of you for it. And I know you're very excited and you're all over the place and you're climbing the walls, but Baby, please, you need to chill out. Ok, so I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your graduation, but what if I tell Mom to bring you out here next Friday so we can celebrate my birthday together? You can even blow out the candles. Chocolate cake? Our favorite, remember? And if you behave, I might have Mom bring you along to Meatball Magic later that night. Well, just for a bit. You can take Jannette out on the floor to dance to that song we like. You know the one. "Oh, you've got green eyes, oh, you've got blue eyes, oh, you've got greeeeeeeey eyes." Because that's what big boys do. They dance. They dance and they behave. And no, DJ doesn't hate you, she just gets grumpy when you're mean to her. DJ actually loves you very very much. It's true. She tells me so all the time.
By the way. You do realize, of course, that this nickname we gave you when you were born -- "Baby" -- is going to stick with you for the rest of your life, right? Good. As long as we're clear on that. Oh, and before I forget! You know the "love you" kisses that Jannette and I give you when we see you and when we say goodbye? That's a family kiss. That's only for our family. If some little scamp of a girl at school tries to kiss you on the lips, you growl at her and bark like DJ barks at you. I won't tolerate any nonsense during your school years. Otherwise, you won't even be dating girls, much less indulging in any number of other extra-curricular activities, until you're out of school. And by school I mean college. I will not have you taking after your father.
Jannette and I, we don't see him too often, but we do what we can. We spend time with him when Mom's in town. We'll take him out to the park. We'll go shopping for movies so we can sit on the couch all day, just him and us. We sit down to read and he wants one of our books instead and why not just get him started on his first attempt at The Crying of Lot 49 instead of Winnie's Big Adventure? Mom goes out to party with her young boyfriend, leaving Sebastian here, of course. Meanwhile we try to create some semblance of normalcy and discipline for him, just like Jannette's dad did for us. We try, but in my secret heart, I prepare for the inevitable. Mom's fucking up with Sebastian the same way she fucked up with us, and she's the only one who can truly fix it. She never will.
By the way. You do realize, of course, that this nickname we gave you when you were born -- "Baby" -- is going to stick with you for the rest of your life, right? Good. As long as we're clear on that. Oh, and before I forget! You know the "love you" kisses that Jannette and I give you when we see you and when we say goodbye? That's a family kiss. That's only for our family. If some little scamp of a girl at school tries to kiss you on the lips, you growl at her and bark like DJ barks at you. I won't tolerate any nonsense during your school years. Otherwise, you won't even be dating girls, much less indulging in any number of other extra-curricular activities, until you're out of school. And by school I mean college. I will not have you taking after your father.
Jannette and I, we don't see him too often, but we do what we can. We spend time with him when Mom's in town. We'll take him out to the park. We'll go shopping for movies so we can sit on the couch all day, just him and us. We sit down to read and he wants one of our books instead and why not just get him started on his first attempt at The Crying of Lot 49 instead of Winnie's Big Adventure? Mom goes out to party with her young boyfriend, leaving Sebastian here, of course. Meanwhile we try to create some semblance of normalcy and discipline for him, just like Jannette's dad did for us. We try, but in my secret heart, I prepare for the inevitable. Mom's fucking up with Sebastian the same way she fucked up with us, and she's the only one who can truly fix it. She never will.