I think its all a front
Im pretty sure Im more bitter then I have the right to be, but that dosnt stop me from being that way and more bitter then I let on to most people
Im pretty sure I am totally fucking unhappy, despite the friends and family I am surrounded by
Im pretty sure I am very close to just quitting my job, packing my car and driving.,.to where Im not sure, for what reason even more unsure, for how long who gives a shit
Im pretty sure Im about to turn 29 and have not a fucking thing to show for it, except of course that I have been the best of friends and the most amazing family member anyone could ever want because every one else is ALWAYS FUCKING taking care of....any idea when the hell its finally my turn?
Im pretty sure something has got to change or I will no doubt lose my mind before I turn thirty
Im also pretty sure this post wont mean anything to anyone else but thats okay becaue I feel better putting it out there then I do when its just rummbling around in my head
Im pretty sure there have been multiple oppurtunites I have let pass me by for fear of what others would say/do, or because I was more worried about how it would affect others situations and now I am pretty tied down in a situation that although not impossible to get out of is pretty near impossible
Im pretty sure I wanted to be settle in a career not just some shitty pays the bills(barley) job by now as well as wanting to have been settle with someone I love and possibly in the midst of starting a family already
Im pretty sure I am jealous of people I love which makes me physically sick because I was never that person
Im pretty sure I dont like who I have become hence the rest of the unhappiness that has ensued
Im pretty sure that last year at this time nothing could have made me unhappy, I was in love, and beinging giving all I needed to feel like that relationship was strong, and solid and going to last as long as we wanted it to. Im also pretty sure that it was not my decision or my idea for it to be what it is currently...beyond unhealthy, and fucking complicated and more painful then anything
Im pretty sure I cant change the past and the roads or journeys that have lead me to where I am currenlty...but I am also pretty sure that I cant do this anymore so from now on if I want it Im doing it someway somehow
And from now on I refuse to allow people to think that just because I dont have alot to show for my time here on this earth that I havent made an impact, because I have in so many place just not where I thought they would be. I need to just focus on myself for once, no matter how scary or frightening or hard that may be.
No Im not going to Disney I want to go to europe...and travel
No I dont want to work here anymore, I need to be challenged and occupied
No I will not still be somewhere that doesnt not have enough room for me to have my own space much longer
No I will not continue to feel like I am unworthy of what I deserve
Im pretty sure I am totally fucking unhappy, despite the friends and family I am surrounded by
Im pretty sure I am very close to just quitting my job, packing my car and driving.,.to where Im not sure, for what reason even more unsure, for how long who gives a shit
Im pretty sure Im about to turn 29 and have not a fucking thing to show for it, except of course that I have been the best of friends and the most amazing family member anyone could ever want because every one else is ALWAYS FUCKING taking care of....any idea when the hell its finally my turn?
Im pretty sure something has got to change or I will no doubt lose my mind before I turn thirty
Im also pretty sure this post wont mean anything to anyone else but thats okay becaue I feel better putting it out there then I do when its just rummbling around in my head
Im pretty sure there have been multiple oppurtunites I have let pass me by for fear of what others would say/do, or because I was more worried about how it would affect others situations and now I am pretty tied down in a situation that although not impossible to get out of is pretty near impossible
Im pretty sure I wanted to be settle in a career not just some shitty pays the bills(barley) job by now as well as wanting to have been settle with someone I love and possibly in the midst of starting a family already
Im pretty sure I am jealous of people I love which makes me physically sick because I was never that person
Im pretty sure I dont like who I have become hence the rest of the unhappiness that has ensued
Im pretty sure that last year at this time nothing could have made me unhappy, I was in love, and beinging giving all I needed to feel like that relationship was strong, and solid and going to last as long as we wanted it to. Im also pretty sure that it was not my decision or my idea for it to be what it is currently...beyond unhealthy, and fucking complicated and more painful then anything
Im pretty sure I cant change the past and the roads or journeys that have lead me to where I am currenlty...but I am also pretty sure that I cant do this anymore so from now on if I want it Im doing it someway somehow
And from now on I refuse to allow people to think that just because I dont have alot to show for my time here on this earth that I havent made an impact, because I have in so many place just not where I thought they would be. I need to just focus on myself for once, no matter how scary or frightening or hard that may be.
No Im not going to Disney I want to go to europe...and travel
No I dont want to work here anymore, I need to be challenged and occupied
No I will not still be somewhere that doesnt not have enough room for me to have my own space much longer
No I will not continue to feel like I am unworthy of what I deserve