Huh.
I've come to the conclusion that I write real entries in my myspace profile because I don't think that anyone that I really know will read them.
I've also come to the conclusion that I *don't* write real entries in my livejournal because I don't do well in telling people how I feel. I can write it out, sure, but I don't like laying it out in the open. I get too nervous. I see people laughing, or misconstruing and taking my poor measely little thoughts out of my intended context and being offended by them personally or otherwise. And really, it's never my intent.
That and I don't like drawing that kind of attention to myself.
And I don't know where that block came from, but it's there like a wall.
So today I decided to write the lighthearted entry there - and go for a more realistic one here.
Beyond all that, however, I'm doing good. I'm starting to blurt random things that I haven't told anyone about but have felt the weight pressing on me for a while to some locals. And I want to try it with school people but I have no Aim, and i don't want to just write it.
But my intentions are there - so maybe if I don't see particular people before I leave, I am hoping my resolve will still be there when I get back.
And I'm glad for this because I like keeping things honest. And really, with people I am honest. I just always lie when I'm asked that one little question - that I really don't get asked all that often anyway.
Are you okay?
I always lie. Sometimes when people word it differently something will slip out. But normally when I hear that phrase I freeze up. I say yes. Because usually when faced with the idea of letting all the bottled up stuff, or the neatly packaged stuff explode all over the place terrifies me, and I can't deal with it. So I don't.
So for now I'm sifting through things when I feel prepared enough to do so.
I have a question that a friend and I need answered, because we're both reflecting on something.
Take a third grade girl and put her in her classroom at the end of the day. The day had been one of those ones that makes you want to throw up. The boy she has a crush on... Actually, one of her closest boy friends who hung out with her in school alot... found out she liked him. He was always kind of shy, so she knew he hadn't gotten it. She didn't know how really, she wasn't sure if a friend she'd said accidentally said something to told him, or if someone just picked up on it and told him, or what. But it didn't matter because he knew --- and while she was placing books back onto a shelf for her teacher in the empty classroom alone with him, he came over and asked her if what he'd heard was true - did she really like him? He asked awkwardly, as confrontations usually go, adding to the end of his query, "We're just friends, right?"
And she lies. She's absolutely scared to death, and she lies. Where had he heard that? He was one of her best guy friends, but she just didn't like him like that.
He nodded and smiled, and replied with a 'cool' or a 'just checking'. She goes back to finishing the shelf...
What does any of it mean? Why did he ask her? Did he want to make sure his friend wasn't getting weird on him, or did he maybe like her back and want to see if it was true?
Any girl who answers this - thanks, your insights are always good, and to any boys who shrink back to their third grade mindset and reply - thanks even more.
If I get some stuff back on this, a post involving it will follow.....
I've also come to the conclusion that I *don't* write real entries in my livejournal because I don't do well in telling people how I feel. I can write it out, sure, but I don't like laying it out in the open. I get too nervous. I see people laughing, or misconstruing and taking my poor measely little thoughts out of my intended context and being offended by them personally or otherwise. And really, it's never my intent.
That and I don't like drawing that kind of attention to myself.
And I don't know where that block came from, but it's there like a wall.
So today I decided to write the lighthearted entry there - and go for a more realistic one here.
Beyond all that, however, I'm doing good. I'm starting to blurt random things that I haven't told anyone about but have felt the weight pressing on me for a while to some locals. And I want to try it with school people but I have no Aim, and i don't want to just write it.
But my intentions are there - so maybe if I don't see particular people before I leave, I am hoping my resolve will still be there when I get back.
And I'm glad for this because I like keeping things honest. And really, with people I am honest. I just always lie when I'm asked that one little question - that I really don't get asked all that often anyway.
Are you okay?
I always lie. Sometimes when people word it differently something will slip out. But normally when I hear that phrase I freeze up. I say yes. Because usually when faced with the idea of letting all the bottled up stuff, or the neatly packaged stuff explode all over the place terrifies me, and I can't deal with it. So I don't.
So for now I'm sifting through things when I feel prepared enough to do so.
I have a question that a friend and I need answered, because we're both reflecting on something.
Take a third grade girl and put her in her classroom at the end of the day. The day had been one of those ones that makes you want to throw up. The boy she has a crush on... Actually, one of her closest boy friends who hung out with her in school alot... found out she liked him. He was always kind of shy, so she knew he hadn't gotten it. She didn't know how really, she wasn't sure if a friend she'd said accidentally said something to told him, or if someone just picked up on it and told him, or what. But it didn't matter because he knew --- and while she was placing books back onto a shelf for her teacher in the empty classroom alone with him, he came over and asked her if what he'd heard was true - did she really like him? He asked awkwardly, as confrontations usually go, adding to the end of his query, "We're just friends, right?"
And she lies. She's absolutely scared to death, and she lies. Where had he heard that? He was one of her best guy friends, but she just didn't like him like that.
He nodded and smiled, and replied with a 'cool' or a 'just checking'. She goes back to finishing the shelf...
What does any of it mean? Why did he ask her? Did he want to make sure his friend wasn't getting weird on him, or did he maybe like her back and want to see if it was true?
Any girl who answers this - thanks, your insights are always good, and to any boys who shrink back to their third grade mindset and reply - thanks even more.
If I get some stuff back on this, a post involving it will follow.....