The skyline obscured.
I resent the feeling of being 15 years old and answering the question "where do you see yourself in ten years?." In hindsight, I can say that it was an absolutely absurd question for me to answer. At 15 I was still a child. I wasn't aware of disappointments, failures, rough roads and their alternate routes. I was aware of that day and maybe a few years prior. I had no relative comprehension of real decision-making, consequences, responsibility, cause and affect. I suppose I could explain them at that age, but I was completely incapable of applying them to my life. I always just assumed that whatever road you take is the road you were meant to be on and you'll end up exactly where you want to be, or scarier yet, where you're destined to be.
By the way, I always answered in the same naive generalizations. Rich. Successful. Married.
Tonight, I'm playing chess with life, but if I've learned anything in the last 9 years it's that you can rarely win in a match if all you do is react to your opponent. It's about strategy and anticipating the reactions of your opponent.
Tonight I asked myself a very real question. What do you want out of life Vs. what do you fantasize about having? ( I was going to phrase it "need" Vs. "want", but when you boil it down to baser instincts, I need food, water and shelter from freezing climates.)
The only realistic want I have right now is a stable career in the film industry that I find rewarding and fulfilling- intellectually, artistically and financially.
Other than than I'm really not sure. Should I live in the city, the country or the suburbs? East coast, West coast, mid-West, Abroad? Independent or Hollywood system? Middle class life or upper class? Children or No Children?
There's one other decision that I really think I want that is only 50% my decision. Marriage. I feel this incredible urge to settle down with someone. But this decision raises concerns. I may want it, but am I ready for it? When so much of my life is yet to be discovered can I really change the question from "what do I want?" to "what do we want??"
Is this a ridiculous question to ask yourself at 24 & 1/2 years old or is this some serious shit? Am I fantasizing or thinking rationally?
There are so many question marks in my life right now.
By the way, I always answered in the same naive generalizations. Rich. Successful. Married.
Tonight, I'm playing chess with life, but if I've learned anything in the last 9 years it's that you can rarely win in a match if all you do is react to your opponent. It's about strategy and anticipating the reactions of your opponent.
Tonight I asked myself a very real question. What do you want out of life Vs. what do you fantasize about having? ( I was going to phrase it "need" Vs. "want", but when you boil it down to baser instincts, I need food, water and shelter from freezing climates.)
The only realistic want I have right now is a stable career in the film industry that I find rewarding and fulfilling- intellectually, artistically and financially.
Other than than I'm really not sure. Should I live in the city, the country or the suburbs? East coast, West coast, mid-West, Abroad? Independent or Hollywood system? Middle class life or upper class? Children or No Children?
There's one other decision that I really think I want that is only 50% my decision. Marriage. I feel this incredible urge to settle down with someone. But this decision raises concerns. I may want it, but am I ready for it? When so much of my life is yet to be discovered can I really change the question from "what do I want?" to "what do we want??"
Is this a ridiculous question to ask yourself at 24 & 1/2 years old or is this some serious shit? Am I fantasizing or thinking rationally?
There are so many question marks in my life right now.