huh.
confusion seems to be commonpalce with me. i seem to always be in a constant state of half-awareness. oblivious to the obvious signals that are all around me. as much as i like to believe i have an open mind, my eyes are closed. take that for what you will. things are strange. people are strange. emotions are strange. everything seems like its playing out before me like some french absurdist indie film of which you can discern the premise but fail to comprehend the method of conveyance simply because its far too bizarre to determine any causal relationship between the events intended to illustrate the over arching thematic statement... oh well. hot. cold. hot. cold. feeble attempts at connection, failed attempts at relation. failed. failed. failed. seems that my life is ridden with bad luck. bad timing. bad opportunities. rotten fruit in a bowl. looks delicious from above, but as soon as the orange is turned it reveals the ugly pasty underside seeping fermented juices and bacteria. i dont know what im talking about anymore. i don't care what i'm talking about anymore. i need to discover sexuality and conquer these vexing personal demons that continually eat away at the foundations of my life.